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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Am i expecting too much??

463 replies

LittleSugaPlum · 16/09/2012 15:05

DH has his two children round every sat for the day.

One boy aged 10, one girl aged 8.

Im getting really irritated with them not flushing the toilet when they have finished, i have one upstairs and one downstairs. Everytime they come, both toilets have never been flushed by them.

They dont use toilet paper either. Yesterday i was out all day, came home around 6ish, didnt go upstairs until 11pm.

Went to use the upstairs loo before bed, the bathroom door was shut - which is unusual.

I opened it and the stench knocked me sick!! I was retching like mad.

The toilet was full of shit, no toilet paper in toilet, it took 4 flushes to get rid of it.

The smell in the bathroom was awful, i couldnt use the toilet.

DH tells me it was the 10year old that had been playing upstairs, the younger one hadnt been upstairs.

AIBU in thinking that at 8 and 10 years old children should be able to wipe their backside and flush the toilet???

Ive never known them to flush the toilet.

The 8 year old took her shoes off in the middle of the kitchen doorway yesterday and walked off into the living room and left them there.

I immediatley shouted her back and said "Excuse me, do those shoes belong there? Someone is going to break their neck on them!"

AIBU thinking that all this is disrespectful to our house?

Im sick to death of getting on their backs about stuff, it really irritates me, or is it normal for children of this age to not flush toilets, put shoes were they belong etc??

When i mention it to DH, he just shrugs and says its because they arent taught to do these things on a daily basis at their mums.

OP posts:
happygilmore · 16/09/2012 16:53

So if it's so bad, I'll ask again, why isn't your DH fighting to have them live with you?

FFS if I had a child living elsewhere who was being neglected I wouldn't be "thinking" about calling SS, I'd be round there like a shot to get them the fuck out of there.

This is upsetting to read.

Nanny0gg · 16/09/2012 16:54

Bloody hell OP.

Just read this thread through, will you? And make your DH read it as well.

Seriously neglected children by every adult in their lives.

LittleSugaPlum · 16/09/2012 16:56

I ve no idea why DH isnt fighting for them to live with us, we wouldnt get them anyway, there has to be real serious concerns for them to be taken from their mum rather than dirty clothes, nits etc.

They would have to be not fed properly, which they are fed etc

OP posts:
Softlysoftly · 16/09/2012 16:57

your house. No their second home

his kids no members of your family

she doesn't de-nit them/give spare clothes he is their father he should de-nit them, have clothes available in their second home, talk to their mother about the issues and teach them hygiene.

they would go into care why WHY would they? They have a parent with a home and a partner capable of taking care of them?? Your 'D' H.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 16/09/2012 16:57

Seriously neglected children by every adult in their lives

This. It's very sad reading. Those poor children Sad

Serenitysutton · 16/09/2012 16:57

Don't worry about second guessing what SS will or won't do- let them evaluate it. You said you know their new school? If not why don't you ask them? The Gps? Even if they don't know (can't see how) there can't be that many schools, contact them all. And make sure you contact a solicitor. Your h has joint custody; presumably pays maintenance; he has a right to know where they live and who that person is.

This is so passive and accepting; they're innocent children, adults are supposed to protect them!

CurlyhairedAssassin · 16/09/2012 16:57

Surely the 8yr old knows the name of his/her own school? I take it they get dropped off at your house then? Yes to solicitors involvement over address business. Ridiculous state of affairs - the kids mum might decide to stop dropping them off and then they are effectively "lost" to him.

ekidna · 16/09/2012 16:58

Sugaplum I'm thinking your childhood must've been pretty shit for you not to be able to see and to ignore this neglect. You all sound like you need help tbh but th children's needs are first

valiumredhead · 16/09/2012 16:58

Hang on, your dh doesn't know which school his kids go to or their address? Seriously? Where does he pick them up/drop them back?

happygilmore · 16/09/2012 16:59

I ve no idea why DH isnt fighting for them to live with us, we wouldnt get them anyway, there has to be real serious concerns for them to be taken from their mum rather than dirty clothes, nits etc.

They would have to be not fed properly, which they are fed etc

Bullshit. Has he been to see a solicitor? No, it just suits you to say that because you don't want them in your house.

You should be ashamed of yourself. How would you feel if it was your child being treated like this? How can you respect a man who is willing to do this to his own children?

valiumredhead · 16/09/2012 16:59

OP you have already said the mother has had a visit from SS.

Softlysoftly · 16/09/2012 17:00

Posted too soon in anger. You need to change your mindset. TBH if a total strangers children stayed at my house and had these issues my instinct would be to help and clean and teach them, I would feel awful for them and try and get them sorted at home.

You work in childcare?? I wouldn't want my DDs in your care.

I know it's hard they aren't yours but basic instinct would be to nurture not push away surely?

Serenitysutton · 16/09/2012 17:00

OP i don't understand why you think SS are only involved if they'd need to check the children are being fed and kept in a tidy home. They are involved with thousands of families who feed their children' and keep then clean. It's terribly niave to think thats the only way you can abuse children.

LittleSugaPlum · 16/09/2012 17:00

They get picked up and dropped off at their grandparents.

DH doesnt have joint custody - hes not on their birth certificates either despite being in a long term relationship with their mother.

She didnt want him on it, i dont know why.

He wasnt married to her.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 16/09/2012 17:02

Why doesn't your DH wash and de-nit his own children?

Why doesn't he wash their underwear and clothes?

I'm not getting this? Why the fuck doesn't he care enough to do these things and to ask his children where they live and what school they attend?

Aren't you worried he's going to treat your own baby is a neglectful way too?

valiumredhead · 16/09/2012 17:02

If you work in childcare would none of this raise serious red flags if it was happening to a child you looked after? Confused

Serenitysutton · 16/09/2012 17:02

Hmm then he met you and knocked you up right away too. Charming bloke.

LittleSugaPlum · 16/09/2012 17:03

i was a nursery nurse, not anymore.

It was my aunt that told me in what situations SS would act on.

OP posts:
peanutMD · 16/09/2012 17:03

This story keeps getting worse!

Sugaplum when is your baby due?

happygilmore · 16/09/2012 17:03

He can apply for PR, no problem, you must know that.

You're deliberately not answering the tough questions here.

No such thing as custody these days anyway.

valiumredhead · 16/09/2012 17:03

If you were a nursery nurse did you never go on courses to do with child protection?

LittleSugaPlum · 16/09/2012 17:04

DH says he doesnt want the hassle of their mother Hmm

Tried all this de-nitting them stuff, they just come back with them a week later.

OP posts:
Vagaceratops · 16/09/2012 17:05

I am the chairperson of a playgroup committee and even I have done CP courses.

happygilmore · 16/09/2012 17:05

Seriously, I cannot believe you are having a child with this man. It's people like you that give stepmothers a bad name.

LittleSugaPlum · 16/09/2012 17:05

valium yes i did

Im 36weeks pregnant

OP posts: