Am i expecting too much??

[LittleSugaPlum]

DH has his two children round every sat for the day.

One boy aged 10, one girl aged 8.

Im getting really irritated with them not flushing the toilet when they have finished, i have one upstairs and one downstairs. Everytime they come, both toilets have never been flushed by them.

They dont use toilet paper either. Yesterday i was out all day, came home around 6ish, didnt go upstairs until 11pm.

Went to use the upstairs loo before bed, the bathroom door was shut - which is unusual.

I opened it and the stench knocked me sick!! I was retching like mad.

The toilet was full of shit, no toilet paper in toilet, it took 4 flushes to get rid of it.

The smell in the bathroom was awful, i couldnt use the toilet.

DH tells me it was the 10year old that had been playing upstairs, the younger one hadnt been upstairs.

AIBU in thinking that at 8 and 10 years old children should be able to wipe their backside and flush the toilet???

Ive never known them to flush the toilet.

The 8 year old took her shoes off in the middle of the kitchen doorway yesterday and walked off into the living room and left them there.

I immediatley shouted her back and said "Excuse me, do those shoes belong there? Someone is going to break their neck on them!"

AIBU thinking that all this is disrespectful to our house?

Im sick to death of getting on their backs about stuff, it really irritates me, or is it normal for children of this age to not flush toilets, put shoes were they belong etc??

When i mention it to DH, he just shrugs and says its because they arent taught to do these things on a daily basis at their mums.

Just go out for the day on Saturday, I think they'd have a much nicer time if you weren't there.

Horrible thread. Poor kids.

Do they get time alone with their dad?

Oh God, those poor kids

Do any of the adults in their life even like them? Not one of you seems to care about the wee souls at all. I'm not actually surprised they are how they are.

I'm going to have to step back from this thread as it's quite upsetting.

I wish those poor kids good luck in their lives

I know i need to make an effort.

Last year, I was the one who made sure they had decent school uniform, had clothes that fit, made sure they had proper meals when they were with us etc. The kids had never had mash from potatoes before they met me! They were used to that packet of smash.

I was the one making sure their bedding and clothes were washed and ironed.

In the end i got fed up of it, as they werent my kids but i seemed to do all the work.

At xmas last year I did xmas lists witht he kids, i went out brought what they wanted (spent £150 per child) and wrapped every single present! IT took me hours and hours and they were all small things what they had asked for.

We cleared it with their mum that we could have them for xmas day, so we went and booked a restraunt for xmas day and had to pay a deposit per person.

3 days before xmas, their mum said we could have them, so we lost our deposit on the meal for them.

We didnt see them until early january due to their mum being difficult.

They came to our house, and every present they opened they both said "We got this for xmas at mums"

Turns out they had asked for the same things from their mums too.

I felt like id gone to so much trouble to get what they wanted, and spent hours wrapping it, for them not to be grateful of it.

After that i slowley stopped making an effort. :-(

Well I was going to say YANBU until you said you stopped the children staying over because they are dirty! Seriously?

The poo thing is disgusting. I've had the same issue with Dss, and whatever your relationship, it's not nice to find other people's poo in the toilet. The shoe thing, well you could have just asked her nicely to move them.

They spend every sat alone with their dad, i do out within half hour of them arriving and dont return until they have left

They arrive at 10am till 7pm.

NONE of the above has anything to do with the kids and EVERYTHING to do with the relationship you have with dh and the relationship you both have with their mum. The kids are stuck in the middle. Of COURSE the kids asked for the same things at Xmas, that's what kids do!

I did ask her nicely to move the shoes, i didnt shout at her, never do.

I shouted her back as in called her name to come back

I would find it hard to be with a man who shrugged his shoulders over children covered in poo and nits and did nothing about them tbh.

Your husband doesn't see anything wrong with them shitting all over the place? In th bath every night? Untreated nits? Involvement from SS about the mothers care? Really? What is wrong with him?

I would find it hard to be with a man who shrugged his shoulders over children covered in poo and nits and did nothing about them tbh

This :( Poor kids

It is hard, its really hard, the whole situation is horrible

This thread is becoming quite hard to read. Do these children have anyone who cares about them?

What do you think you can do op?

From what you've described, the kids don't sound like they have a very sanitary life at home, so YABU to expect them to suddenly appreciate the need to be hygienic in your home. If not wiping bums, tidying up after themselves or flushing the loo is the norm, then it stands to reason that they'll assume - even at ages 8 and 10 if this is what they're used to - that they'll do this everywhere.

To be honest, I feel really sad for them. I wonder if they get picked on at school for it?

I've been the step-kid in the house of a stepmother who had no children of her own, didn't like me and my brother, didn't appreciate having to share her partner with two toadish little urchins and REALLY made sure we were aware of all of that. It was miserable going to visit and I don't mind telling you that my brother and I did our best to get on her nerves. It was the only power we had.

Instead of punishing the children for being unclean, why not just talk to them nicely? Even if it means having the same conversation over and over and over again. And for god's sake, let them stay overnight if they want to! Banning them because of a lack of clean clothes or because they had nits?? How is that their fault? In that respect, you are punishing the children for the shortcomings of their mother.

When they are grown-up, would you rather they look back and remember you as the wicked stepmother who made them feel unwelcome in their father's home, or as a kind and patient support figure who helped them develop their social skills and personal hygiene?

Is the mother with anyone, boyfriend/new dh?

When they are grown-up, would you rather they look back and remember you as the wicked stepmother who made them feel unwelcome in their father's home, or as a kind and patient support figure who helped them develop their social skills and personal hygiene

Exactly!

I dont know what to do to be honest.

Their mum has a fiance, been with him afew years, they live with him

How about seek professional support from a children's centre?

I never have trouble with the toilet getting rid of the contents on one flush.....

But you do, you had to flush the toilet FOUR times before it flushed away

and i really cant understand how you can say there was no attempt to flush - how the hell can you know that, when it took you FOUR attempts

With every one of your posts the story gets worse.

Poor kids. You and your DH are just as bad as the mother for turning a blind eye to this.

I think serious outside help is needed asap to be perfectly frank. Do you know anything about the fiancé?

They spend every sat alone with their dad, i do out within half hour of them arriving and dont return until they have left

They arrive at 10am till 7pm.

Nice

Family info service? Anywhere but you both owe it to those children. Don't be a bystander to neglect even if you have wiped your hands of them.