to be annoyed about a special needs kid repeatedly hitting my daughter?

[thebeesnees79]

Ok so the little one has special needs and its only fair that he goes into a main stream pre school. however my daughter keeps coming out upset because the same little boy is hitting her almost daily, She has just turned 3 at the end of July. do I A) Ignore it as he is special needs and can't help it or do I B)Make a point of telling staff because they have a duty to my daughter as well and its unfair that she is getting hit.
more of a what would you do than aibu?

You point it out to the teacher just like any other issue.

And you learn that the correct term is 'has special needs' not IS special needs

Surely its the staffs job to make sure all the children are safe and happy. I would have a quiet word with them about your concerns.

SN or not, I wouldnt put up with my DS being repeatedly hit!

You need to go to the pre-school and have a word to find out how they are going to deal with this. Is it just your DD or are a lot of them being hit. Either way it needs to be sorted out so no, dont just ignore it because the child in question is special needs.

The child's special needs are not really relevant, are they?

A child is bashing another child. That needs to be dealt with. I would have a quiet word with the staff and insist they keep an eye and intervene.

You should think a bit about your impressions of special needs children. It's a child first. The special needs is not the essential part of him. I really have no idea why special needs features so prominently in your post. You may be seeing only his SN. Time for a rethink, perhaps.

I would tell nursery staff and explain your daughter is becoming distressed. Being hit is something that occasionally happens but it shouldn't be every day.

You tell the teacher.

Having special needs is no reason to go around hitting other children. He'll be told to stop it like any other child.

You should talk to the teacher. Maybe the little boy needs more support in preschool.

talk to the teacher.
he is a child with special needs, but your dd needs to be safe.

Exactly this, as a parent of children who have special needs, I would be horrified to find out that they were being violent to other children and it wasn't being kept in check.

ElanorHandbasket just out of pure curiosity - because I haven't been here long, so I don't know the protocol. But if it's been discussed in the past, say 6 months ago - I've noticed if people "bump" the threads so that they can add their own experience to it; they seem to be criticised for bringing up a "zombie" thread. What is the right thing to do if something has been discussed in the past, but you would like to add a new insight or delve for a bit more info?

thanks for your honest opinions. I feel sorry for the boy, my aunty has special needs so I totally understand (maybe that's why my judgment is clouded) why they hit out with frustration etc. but at the same time I want my daughter to love pre school and she has enjoyed it a lot prior to this little boy joining.
I will have a word tomorrow, from what I can gather they now have a member of staff dedicated to this child so maybe things will improve? I don't want to cause any trouble as my son went there for 2 years and my daughter has another 12 months there.

Report it and ask that he is prevented from hitting. The staff are failing him and the other children by not being on top of this. The failure is theirs and it is right that you should call them on it.

As an aside - Person first, not disability first. It's really very important, certainly to me with my two children with additional needs. It's very common to see the disability before the person, but it's important to try to avoid it.

But you're in no way wrong or insensitive to expect this to not be happening to your daughter.

You must inform the staff about this asap.....

The staff have a duty of care whilst your little one is with them. You should bring the situation to their notice and maybe remind them of their duty to your DD and to the SEN child as their observations into his behaviour can help them put strategies in place to safeguard both children, your DD from being physically and emotionally hurt by his actions and the little boy to educate him that this behaviour is unacceptable.

YABU to complain about a SN kid.

YANBU to complain about your daughter being hit repeatedly by anyone.

hello Hecate

Agree with everyone else, definitely mention it. Ignoring it is doing none of the children involved any favours, if your DD is scared, and this child isn't given the correct input/support to help with this sort of difficult behaviour.

OP has probably mentioned special needs because people sometimes post on threads saying 'are you sure he wasn't SN?' etc

hi, TLP.

ElanorHandbasket what is the problem with my thread? Its a genuine question and I have not Asked it before.
also apologies about me putting needs before child i should know better having an aunt with special needs

I'm sure she has, cinnamon. It's just a point that someone isn't a 'special needs person', they are a person who has special (or additional) needs.

It's just the switching of a couple of words but it's so so important.

but that doesn't take anything away from how utterly reasonable she is to expect that staff ensure that a child isn't hitting other children.

He I hitting your DD and she is coming out upset on a daily basis. On that basis I would let the staff know so that they can work with the child who is doing the hitting. He may have species sues which can be addressed in a child friendly way. My son has special educational needs but was in the opposite camp being the child who was always hit.
The staff have a duty of care to all the children and need making aware of this.

With a SN child who does hit out in frustration please say something to the staff, maybe this boy needs to be supervised a bit more closely. He obviously doesn't have the support that he needs. Dont feel that you can't complain just because this child has SN.
As parent of a SN child I was always slightly miffed when told that my dc had hit another as my child has very clear triggers. And it always happened when my dc wasn't correctly supervised. (meant to always be a 1:1 at all times)

Of course you should tell the teacher...I'm surprised you need to ask.

As for using the term 'The child is special needs'...yes it's annoying but it's no difference to all the posters who say 'My child is ASD'. Yet they rarely get picked up on that.

I however can often be heard shouting at my screen, "Your child cannot be an Autistic Spectrum Disorder"

The school has a duty of care to your daughter AND a duty of care to the child with SN. Hitting other prevents him from accessing an education surely.

Absolutely complain to the school about his lack of supervision and support. DO NOT be fobbed off by any attempt by them to make excuses due to his SN or to expect you to either.

Just being nosy but what is the difference between special needs and additional needs? Is additional needs the politically correct way of saying special needs? I always get confused as my DS2 has EDS and uses a wheelchair. Some people say he hasn't got special needs because he hasn't got a learning disability but then if I say he is disabled then other people say that's an outdated and offensive word and I should say he has special needs. Maybe I should just say he has a medical condition.