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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be annoyed about a special needs kid repeatedly hitting my daughter?

170 replies

thebeesnees79 · 13/09/2012 15:56

Ok so the little one has special needs and its only fair that he goes into a main stream pre school. however my daughter keeps coming out upset because the same little boy is hitting her almost daily, She has just turned 3 at the end of July. do I A) Ignore it as he is special needs and can't help it or do I B)Make a point of telling staff because they have a duty to my daughter as well and its unfair that she is getting hit.
more of a what would you do than aibu?

OP posts:
zzzzz · 13/09/2012 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ohhelpohnoitsa · 13/09/2012 22:46

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GoldShip · 13/09/2012 22:47

He didn't know I was told to be tolerant.

He'd be an angel when his mum was there. Opposite whilst in school. He knew right from wrong but ignored it.

Anyway I didnt want to turn this into the Goldship show, I just think its really silly to try and say he didn't make my life a misery. He did. Not the school.

Jinsei · 13/09/2012 22:56

I know a girl had to leave my Dc's school as his needs were too 'great' to be met by a standard school. The headmistress informed us that the lad would be continuing his education elsewhere.

property, did you make this up? Because you seem a bit confused about the gender of the child in question. Confused

zzzzz · 13/09/2012 22:57

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

threeOrangesocksmorgan · 13/09/2012 22:57

sadly this theme of schools telling The victim to suck it up is common.
ds was bullied(and a lot of other kids) at primary.
I in the end went to see the head, was told that the boy had issues and was getting help. and that ds had victim written all over him !! (she was a cow the head)
imo the showed that the school was not able to cope and there were 2 victims, my son and the lad they couldn't help

bialystockandbloom · 13/09/2012 23:00

Having special needs is no reason to go around hitting other children. He'll be told to stop it like any other child.

He had ADHD, it doesn't mean that he doesn't know right from wrong.

This is a particularly depressing thread for me, and these two comments kind of sum it up. Do people really believe that children with conditions like ASD/AHDH can change if they want to?

GoldShip · 13/09/2012 23:02

Zzzz - I know the point you are trying to make but the school merely allowed him to do it. That doesn't mean they made my life bad. They let it happen.

Passing it off as wholly the schools fault is ridiculous.

I'm not saying anymore on the matter. Hate when people think children, especially those with things like ADHD, cannot be responsible for their actions.

GoldShip · 13/09/2012 23:03

bial no. But that's saying the bullying was because he had ADHD. it wasn't.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/09/2012 23:07

Goldship, but some children cannot!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/09/2012 23:09

Clearly you haven't met many with severe autism

GoldShip · 13/09/2012 23:10

Why is that? Children with ADHD can be responsible. My cousin has ADHD, he was also born addicted to heroine. He's a lovely child and wouldn't bully anyone.

This boy could be responsible. That much was obvious as he was good when with his mum. So obviously he could 'control'. Obviously he knew what was acceptable and what wasn't.

GoldShip · 13/09/2012 23:10

fanjo I wasn't aware we were talking about autism. Because I'm most definitely not.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/09/2012 23:10

Also, you'd think kids with ADHD had poor impulse control or something, how ridiculous Wink

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/09/2012 23:12

Goldship , you said 'it doesn't matter if he had special needs'.

Which include autism

GoldShip · 13/09/2012 23:12

Wow you'd almost think all children with ADHD must be bullies then. Yano, because obviously they can't see right from wrong Hmm

zzzzz · 13/09/2012 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoldShip · 13/09/2012 23:13

If you're going to quote me, quote me correctly then come back.

GoldShip · 13/09/2012 23:13

ZZZZ - aka knowing he could be naughty in sch

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/09/2012 23:13

Also, your bully wasn't necessarily a bully due to his ADHD

bialystockandbloom · 13/09/2012 23:14

Hate when people think children, especially those with things like ADHD, cannot be responsible for their actions.

My ds has high functioning autism. He learns everything by being taught explicitly. He doesn't have an aggressive, bullying or malicious bone in his body. But he has in the past hit out because of communication difficulties, frustration, and looking for attention, as he didn't know how to communicate appropriately. We have now taught him (an ongoing process) how to communicate appropriately so he no longer hits etc.

If we hadn't taught him this, he might still at the age of 5 be hitting as it was his way of getting attention or getting what he wants.

Or if he'd had different parents or teachers, he might have learnt that hitting is ok.

Either way, he would not have been responsible in the way you mean, because he copies what he is taught, shown and told. He does not instinctively know the difference between 'right' and 'wrong' because these are on the whole social constructs, and conditions like ASD mean that there is a huge impairment in, or lack of understanding of social rules. He knows it is 'wrong' to hit because we have taught him this.

You really do have no idea about neurological/behavioural conditions. I understand you had a shit experience when you were six, but you have no idea what you are talking about.

GoldShip · 13/09/2012 23:14

Which has nothing to with with having ADHD, just the sign of a naughty child.

Which kids with ADHD can actually be yano, unbelievably!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/09/2012 23:15

Since it is not 'naughty child syndrome' as the Daily Nail would have you velieve

GoldShip · 13/09/2012 23:15

Bialy -

For one, I'm not on about autism.

For two, I think I've already explained how this boy clearly knew what was wrong and right, and what he could get away with in certain situations.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/09/2012 23:15

So why bring his ADHD into it?