to be annoyed about a special needs kid repeatedly hitting my daughter?

[thebeesnees79]

Ok so the little one has special needs and its only fair that he goes into a main stream pre school. however my daughter keeps coming out upset because the same little boy is hitting her almost daily, She has just turned 3 at the end of July. do I A) Ignore it as he is special needs and can't help it or do I B)Make a point of telling staff because they have a duty to my daughter as well and its unfair that she is getting hit.
more of a what would you do than aibu?

but he is 3 years old, for goodness sake

DS1 is a hitter with SN. it took me years to get him help in the form of 1-1 and what finally clinched it was a polite bit firm letter to the LEA from a parent saying that if he was to remain in that MS class he needed a TA.

I had asked many complaining parents over the years to do this with nothing but refusal. It took one person working with me as a team to get the help he needed in place so he could stay in MS through primary (is now in a a HFA Comp Base)

Exclusion centre? Aged 3? Won't happen. Neither do half the SN placements most people think exist- ds1 has one of 2 suitable places in the whole city, over a hundred kids needed it; there isn't a suitable school for ds3 (also has ASD) at all, either we sacrifice his academic ability and send him to a SNU or his safety and send him to MS. Base provision has already said too severe.

He is 3.
He has hit another child.
Is that really so unusual?
It may be that the pre school is not doing their job in providing the child with sn the support they need which in turn affects the other children?
Either way, the op needs to have words with the manager.

Well what is the answer? You can't agree it is on for the same child to be getting hit every single day? The staff at the Pre school don't seem able to prevent it at present.

There was a child intimidating another so badly she was scared to go to preschool on a thread the other day. The mother was asking if she was justified in excluding that boy from a whole-class party, and several people insisted she was, and that he might grow out of it, and being excluded would possibly make him even worse in future as it would label him a "bad boy".

Reframe that to the boy being special needs, and suddenly he is a "mini psychopath" and should be in an exclusion unit. At 3.

Why not suggest the OP does what you would do in all such situations and talk to the teachers, so they stop it? It's not rocket science.

an exclusion centre for a 3 year old ffs
good greif

PS that Base place ds1 got? took a FT campaign to get him in; other successful parent had same thing. I am close to finishing an MA in ASD, other parent is a social worker. Getting help for kids with ASD is challenging.

What ^ Badvoc says Property. There are very, very few 'special' schools any more, with the majority of children being educated in the mainstream whether that suits their needs or not^. Because it's cheaper to employ a often poorly trained TA than it is to do what's right for children.

Many parents would like to see their SN kids out of a system where charmers like Uppercut accuse them of having criminal tendencies. But these places just don't exist apart from for children with the most complex needs.

Oh, and NT kids hit too. But you know that, right?

Oh, I got deleted!!!!!!!

In which case a written complaint would be more acceptable and the preschool have to inform lea and act on any written complaints.

No propertynightmare it is not acceptable for a child to be hit every single day by the same child. then a written complaint might sort out why this is happening. As it is unfair on both children.

^He is 3.
He has hit another child.
Is that really so unusual?^

Quite. Remove the SN aspect, and I've seen variants of this thread on MN sections loads of times. I have never before seen it suggested that the child is a mini psychopath and needs to go to an exclusion unit for preschool.

I commented earlier that SN diagnoses tend to go hand in hand with bullying, from my own experiences at school and within my family. So the reaction is all the more depressing.

My son who is 9 has sen and has never hit another child to my knowledge.
No behaviour issues at all.
My nt son who is 4 this month can be a real handful..he went through a biting stage, has hit ds1 and can be quite shouty.
I,suppose he is a budding psychopath too?
Oh, of course not! He doesn't have sn!
Hes just boisterous!
Ffs......

Agreed. Hopefully the Pre school will sort it out. Op should definitely contact the staff to express concern and ask that her child be protected.

I agree. Put it in writing op.

and NT children hit too Oh I agree wilson they also single out SN children who often can't defend themselves or verbally stick up for themselves.

yes it is. His SN could just mean he is operating at a younger level, when kids do hit, and it could indeed just be a phase, not an indication that he is a "budding psychopath".

Some lovely opinions on this thread I see

Op, speak to the school, they are failing both your child and the child with SN. It may be that they are not coping with the start of the new school year and things may calm down naturally, but in the meantime it still needs to be addressed and prevention put into place.

Speaking as a parent with a child with SN who has never hit but does not cope with the start of each school year.

yes it is depressing, i meant

Last term my dd kept mentioning a girl was hurting her. She would mention it all the time. The girl had special needs. I know it shouldn't matter and that she shod be treated exactly the same but I wa worried that the teachers might think we had a problem with her because she has special needs. I know that's silly but it was something I worried about. Also at 3, I didn't know if DD was focussing on one incident. In the end I mentioned it and the teacher said they were aware of it and had a reward system in place to encourage the girl to hit out less. It was a relief once I spoke to the teacher.

When children are excluded, they usually go.......nowhere!

If every 3 yr old that hit regularly was excluded then hundreds of thousands of Chikdren would be out of school and many schools would encourage this, building vegetable gardens with their unringfrenced delegated SEN money!

Some children without SN go through phases of hitting or biting (one of my DCs did) so this is not confined to children with SNs. And not, he's not a thug now.... Op it's very upsetting that your child is getting hit. It helps no-one to not mention it

Whether the child has special needs or not is irrelevant. I say that as a parent of a child with ASD who could be aggressive when he was little.

Every child deserves to not be hit repeatedly by other children. If this is happening to your dd then you need to complain loudly, and in writing. The nursery is failing in their duty to safeguard your child. If they don't take measures within a week to make it stop report them to OFSTED, and the local authority.

It will do the child in question a favour, because unfortunately the system we have is rubbish, and he is more likely to get the behavioural support he needs if other parents complain.

and not, he's not a thug now

no Jeez, I cannot type!

ellie - this is just my view, but it's not 'pc' so much as more accurate. The needs that, for example, my children have, aren't 'special' - they are extra. They need a level of support that is higher than that of nt children. More supervision, for example. 2:1 on a school trip, for example. They aren't special needs, they are extra, additional, above and beyond. It's not a pc word, rather ot is a more accurate one.

My eldest used to be very aggressive. When he hit other children, I was furious and viewed it as a failure by those who were assigned to support him. This is how, imo, the OP should view this situation. And I think she does.

I hope it all gets sorted, thebeesknees, it's an unacceptable situation.