to be annoyed about a special needs kid repeatedly hitting my daughter?

[thebeesnees79]

Ok so the little one has special needs and its only fair that he goes into a main stream pre school. however my daughter keeps coming out upset because the same little boy is hitting her almost daily, She has just turned 3 at the end of July. do I A) Ignore it as he is special needs and can't help it or do I B)Make a point of telling staff because they have a duty to my daughter as well and its unfair that she is getting hit.
more of a what would you do than aibu?

Fanjo - well aware of that. Some people seem to thing the opposite though. THIS CHILD CANNOT POSSIBLY BE NAUGHTY HE HAS ADHD.

It's attention deficit disorder not bullying disorder and probably irrelevant

fanjo did you read my post? I brought his ADHD into it because that's why the school decided to act like they did.

No the bullying might not have been because of the ADHD in your case though I would put money on the fact that it probably had a lot to do with it but in the OP's case the child's SN have everything to do with it.

Having SN doesn't mean it's ok for children to hit. But it does mean that the responsibility of teaching, monitoring, supervising and protecting should not fall to that child.

Well,people here will have kids with SN and not enjoy it being blamed for some kid being a bully. Or no understanding at all being given to neurological issues.
My DD probably has ADHD and wouldn't hurt a fly.

Fanjo - you're not reading what I'm saying at all. I'm saying that ADHD doesn't cause bullies. It's my school that did that.

*create not cause

GoldShip you should have said the child was in a wheelchair, certain people son't care them

I do think it is the school/nurseries responsibility to deal with these incidenents though

Sounds like school were just crap at dealing with bullying

You really can't separate the two. My ds can be naughty. He also still has ASD. Where does his ASD stop and his naughtiness start? Yes he can control his autistic behaviour (eg stimming) and can pass for normal much of the time, but everything about him is built on the way his mind works.

Btw I brought autism into it because you said "things like ADHD"

You're making assumptions. They dealt with everyone else accordingly.

Threesocks, who doesn't care if kids are in wheelchairs? What a strange thing to say

I'mnsure you wouldn't mean me who has several close friends with DC in wheelchairs and whose own child has mobility issues though as you know

wrong.........

The fact he knew how to behave with his mum but different in the school tells me a couple of things.

The child and you were let down by the school.

His mum obviously knew what triggers were and stuck to some behaviour plan. THe school on the other hand were not prepared to do anything but put it on your shoulders at only 6 to be tolerant. School is to blame not child nor mum.

I have a child with autism and ADHD (incidentally ADHD can be a co morbid trait of ASD) and yea he knows right from wrong and no he isnt thick and zzzzz post didn't offend at all.

But there are other factors to consider. sensory and envirental factors,ran the ADHD child is working ten or twenty times harder to hold it together than an NT child. They are easily overwhelmed and if like mine has an impulse trigger that makes them do things on spur of moment. That is not bullying or ignoring right from wrong that is the constant battle with self control. Oh and my ds does not go around hitting children because both myself and school have behaviour plans and chill out areas in place.

THis is not a go at you Gold as at 6 you are hardly going to know all this but just the fact that you are being repeatedly hit and it must have been hard. it was unfair of the school to expect two children to struggle like that.

starship I'm just slightly inclined to ask if your perception of what happened to you at 6 and what actually happened are the same thing? Were the school aware of the adhd diagnosis or did this come much much later? Say when you were older and overlaid it on a memory? And if you remember so clearly, when exactly did you tell your mum , and how long did it take for her to take it seriously enough to speak to the school? The other mum could hardly do much when she wasn't there could she?
If you were bullied daily like you imply then IMO it had sod all to do with ADHD or any other sen and more to do with you being left down by those who were meant to safeguard you.

I remember it like it was yesterday. Ive got a good memory and it was only 14 years ago. I agree it had nothing to do with his ADHD. but the school felt it should be ignored and I should tolerate it because he had ADHD.

Gold, if a child went to school and by the end of primary could not read, woukd you say it was HIS fault for not wanting to, or the schools?

' - you're not reading what I'm saying at all. I'm saying that ADHD doesn't cause bullies. It's my school that did that.'

Yes yes yes, you're getting it now! Have a

'Why is that? Children with ADHD can be responsible. My cousin has ADHD, he was also born addicted to heroine. He's a lovely child and wouldn't bully anyone.

Misunderstanding the nature of a disorder.

A disorder means that the children have common symptoms, not that they are the same, or even of the same aetiology: we know ds4 has a genetic anomaly, whereas I know another child also with ASD whose DX came from a brain infection.

Now, ds1- mini psychopath would probably describe him, we've been screaming for help for years; his fave passtime right now is killing insects, he gets 24 / 7 supervision right now but as he doesn't fit PIP system won;t as an adult. DS3 otoh is as far from a psychopath as can possibly be; sweet, friendly, caring. They have the same diagnosis, both correctly ascribed.

WRT to a child's understanding with ADHD- it's a very common saying and a true one that ASD and other spectrum disorders (of which ADHD is one) never stand alone, whether they are diagnosed or not. So likely the child had ASD, ODD, PDA as a co-morbid. Having worked with a child with a stand alone dx of adhd where nobody was interested in following the other clearly asd aspects of his personality once he ahd a label, it's quite common; as for surprise that the bully grew into an obnoxious adult- why? A child with AN is as likely to do that as anyone; indeed, being more susceptible to bullying more so? Am certain DS1's pathological symptomatology was not helped by severe bullying when he was in a MS environment! Of course I understand why those children responded to him as they did but they were not innocent as I now know- they have targeted innocent ds2 at comp level because if you daren't go for the bully, attacking his sibling seems to be the next best option.