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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have the rage at parents ignoring instructions for reception drop offs?

247 replies

YellowDinosaur · 12/09/2012 09:27

Ds2 started in reception last week. They did mornings last week and a few kids started each day, staggered by age. As he is one of the oldest he started on Friday. This week they stay till after lunch and we were advised today that in the mornings parents should now drop them off at the door and not come into the classroom anymore. So far so good and all totally reasonable.

Now I knew this morning would be tough. While generally confident and happy with school ds2 has always been a bit clingy at drop off even in his old nursery where he has been for years. Generally taking our time makes things a lot easier and then he is fine. I was totally happy with the fact that I couldn't do this anymore and had bigged him up about going in on his own like a big boy.

So we get there this morning and he's obviously wobbly and not wanting to go in. he repeatedly said that he wanted me to come in with him to which I replied 'i'm not allowed to come in anymore I'll stay here and wave but you need to go in on your own.' Eventually the teaching assistant had to lift him up and take him in which wasn't very nice for anyone, but again nothing unreasonable yet.

What gave me the rage was the 2 mums who went in breezily anyway to settle their kids, ignoring these instructions. What does this say to ds2? My mummy doesn't care enough to chine in but yours does? thanks for thinking you can do whatever the fuck you like, making it harder for all the other kids who are a bit wobbly and actually only prolonging the inevitable for your own. Grrrrrr!

OP posts:
Youcanringmybell · 12/09/2012 13:13

This is AIBU. I don't think this thread is nasty....It is a debate about things.

Some people are het up about it because people have strong views we upset each other. Those that go in get het up as to why the are not allowed and those that don't go in are upset at the ones that do.

CockyPants · 12/09/2012 13:13

I'm with boys and differentnameforthis.
The children are only 4, FFS.
Personally I would not send DD to a school that didn't have open door and stay until their settled policy. DD started school having never been to nursery or crèche. At first she was fine being left, then turned clingy and unhappy for the best part of a year. Her dad had his first heart op at this time.
Now she is in Yr2 and happy to be left.
However her dad is due to have another heart op, and if she turns clingy again as a reaction then I shall stay with her if necessary for as long as it takes to settle her. The teacher knows and is happy to work with me on this.
An unhappy child is not going to learn.

Noqontrol · 12/09/2012 13:13

Because youcanringmybell All children are different. A large percentage of the children in dd's class now skip merrily into the playground. My dd is not quite at this stage, as are a few others. But they are pretty close to it. Wheres the harm in waiting a little longer to give those children the confidence? All children are different, the more confident ones try to take dd in with them, I'm sure by next week she probably will go with them.

formerdiva · 12/09/2012 13:17

I think Boys has been honest. And sounds like a nice mum.

There's no way on earth I would leave an upset 4yo without at least trying to comfort them, and I wouldn't expect any other parent to either.

toomanydaisies · 12/09/2012 13:19

Oh this annoys me. Dd would happily skip into school in reception. But because a few parents went in, she'd beg me to as well. I rarely did/do. Cloakroom with 30 children + a cou

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 12/09/2012 13:20

Thanks former

I am of course a nice mumWink

As well as selfish, needy, rule breaking, uncaring, car hatch parking, biscuit nabbing, assembly natterer. Apparently.

toomanydaisies · 12/09/2012 13:20

couple of teachers = fine

Same cloakroom with 30 children + staff + parents = cramped, stressful, horrid!

So selfish!

Prarieflower · 12/09/2012 13:23

The thing is it effects the other children in a negative why is this ok?

FreudiansGoldSlipper · 12/09/2012 13:24

one girl in ds class clung on to her mum, screamed do not leave me and was very very upset that her mother was leaving. for all i know her she may have just split up with the little girls father or some other upset within the family that has made her feel very insecure. for me it was not a problem her mother going in and settling her daughter why would it be when she was so upset.

you have no idea what is going on in their life (maybe nothing significant) and for some being away from their mother/father is very frightening. i was one of those children having just been in foster care i am sure others were tutting at my mother too

Noqontrol · 12/09/2012 13:24

Yeah just looked back at your posts, not sure why you got flamed there boys. smacks of playground bullying, fit in, follow the rules, or you're out Wink You sound like a nice mum to me too, for what its worth.

brass · 12/09/2012 13:24

the mums that don't linger back until the rest of the class has gone in might not be hanging around because as well as a distressed child to deal with they may have a stroppy boss if they are late.

D0oinMeCleanin · 12/09/2012 13:27

If there is a problem and a genuine reason why your child cannot/will not walk into school alone, then surely it's best to talk to the school and make arrangements rather than simply decide they rules should not apply because your case is special?

If it were a work place and you had difficulty following something you were supposed to you would speak to your manager rather than just changing the rules for yourself.

Noqontrol · 12/09/2012 13:28

This is very true too Freudian My dh has had some serious health problems over the past year, been in hospital for months. All very touch and go and very frightening. Whilst you do your best for it not to impact on the children, some of it seeps through, its inevitable when you live in the same house. I know the whole experience has changed dd and she is not as confident now as she used to be.

Prarieflower · 12/09/2012 13:32

Then noq you make arrangements with the school,maybe go in early so a special job can be given or a TA can give 1 to 1,maybe go round another way.Thankfully these sorts of distressing things are rare and can easily be accommodated so they don't have a neg effect on the rest of the class.

brass · 12/09/2012 13:33

The thing is it effects the other children in a negative why is this ok?

so the parent should worry about other children over the needs of their own child?

why is it so black and white?

perhaps OP needs to direct her rage at the school's system rather than the other mums.

Prarieflower · 12/09/2012 13:34

Schools normally put tried and tested systems in place that they know work the best way for all the children.

CaptainVonTrapp · 12/09/2012 13:35

Wow some people on here really love their rules...

I view them more as guidelines to work towards.

Parking blocking entrances and on yellow hatchings outside school is unsafe and illegal. I don't do this. This offence is not comparable onemorechap. Just because its another of your pet hates doesn't mean they go hand in hand.

I only had to go in twice now I leave them at the door (before I get accused of being soft or something).

Totally agree Rasputin.

Noqontrol · 12/09/2012 13:35

I did Prairie when she was in the preschool. But I haven't needed to in reception, as the school are very supportive to new starters anyway, as are the parents to each other.

Prarieflower · 12/09/2012 13:36

Schools want all children to settle as quickly as possible,they are trained to settle 30 new children,rules are put in place for the good of the children and because they know they work.

Noqontrol · 12/09/2012 13:37

Well it seems here that some schools do it in different ways. Some methods are better than others imo.

CaptainVonTrapp · 12/09/2012 13:37

And these comments always make me laugh

Schools normally put tried and tested systems in place that they know work the best way for all the children

Judging by the fact that everyone on this thread has a school that uses a totally different approach I doubt this is true. Often they just do what they've always done.

brass · 12/09/2012 13:37

as well as it being new to the children can we remember that for some mums this is their first time in schoolworld and they won't know how to go about things. It's a learning curve for everyone and just like the children some parents will take longer than others Grin

We are only 1 week in to a new term people calm down!!

differentnameforthis · 12/09/2012 13:38

I am a stickler for following school rules, I am on the governing council & try to help enforce them on occasion. But this is draconian! To not let parents who need to support their children for a few more days do it is the worse rule I have heard!

Dd2 is 9 now & she often does kiss & drop (stop car in designated place & she gets out & goes into class) and she took a little longer to settle into school. Just a few days of me reading with her. helping her get used to her surrounds. She is by no means a clingy child & adapts really well to change, but she needed me a few more days extra at the start.

Thankfully her school understood this & knew that to create a good working/learning environment they needed to work WITH parents, not against them.

On the other side of the coin, my friend's son was often being dragged off her (she was a no nonsense mum who refused to stay longer than absolutely necessary) and he still had issues with being left in yr3. So much so, home schooling was the only way to teach him as he absolute refused to get ready for school/get out the house. He had such mad memories of being forcibly carried into class by the teacher that he just could not settle.

D0oinMeCleanin · 12/09/2012 13:39

Captain, every school has a different layout, what might be safe and effective in one school might be dangerous and stressful in another school.

brass · 12/09/2012 13:40

Schools want all children to settle as quickly as possible,they are trained to settle 30 new children,rules are put in place for the good of the children and because they know they work.

the words quickly, 30, good in this sentence make it an oxymoron for the child that is struggling to settle.