To have the rage at parents ignoring instructions for reception drop offs?

[YellowDinosaur]

Ds2 started in reception last week. They did mornings last week and a few kids started each day, staggered by age. As he is one of the oldest he started on Friday. This week they stay till after lunch and we were advised today that in the mornings parents should now drop them off at the door and not come into the classroom anymore. So far so good and all totally reasonable.

Now I knew this morning would be tough. While generally confident and happy with school ds2 has always been a bit clingy at drop off even in his old nursery where he has been for years. Generally taking our time makes things a lot easier and then he is fine. I was totally happy with the fact that I couldn't do this anymore and had bigged him up about going in on his own like a big boy.

So we get there this morning and he's obviously wobbly and not wanting to go in. he repeatedly said that he wanted me to come in with him to which I replied 'i'm not allowed to come in anymore I'll stay here and wave but you need to go in on your own.' Eventually the teaching assistant had to lift him up and take him in which wasn't very nice for anyone, but again nothing unreasonable yet.

What gave me the rage was the 2 mums who went in breezily anyway to settle their kids, ignoring these instructions. What does this say to ds2? My mummy doesn't care enough to chine in but yours does? thanks for thinking you can do whatever the fuck you like, making it harder for all the other kids who are a bit wobbly and actually only prolonging the inevitable for your own. Grrrrrr!

OvO Wed 12-Sep-12 12:41:38
Stop attributing negative reasons for people's behaviour.

Hear, hear!
Why should anyone care about those parents reasons for unacceptable behaviour.

It is unacceptable. End of.

Redwine, that's some leap you've made there.

But I will teach my child that I will break rules for him. Because I will.

I'm not a chuffing anarchist. I follow all the big rules of society but some rules need to be less rigid or are just stupid.

Totally agree with redwineformethanks Wed 12-Sep-12 12:40:20

• Rules are for other people
• We do what we like
• Authority doesn't matter

Not good messages to pass on to your children, so OP YANBU. Those of you who think it's OK, YABU

My neediness sheesh?

You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

Ds1 went to pt nursery from 2.
He was starting reception in a new school, new teachers, new children and new routine.
He was a bit teary
I didn't want him to be teary. I didn't want him to be upset.

Don't be so nasty and rude to judge someone on what they were doing when they are comforting their child.

Maybe you're happy to walk away and leave your child stressed and teary because that's what the rule told you to do.

He was 4. It lasted a week.

For what its worth I'm not saying Parent's who stay with their children are selfish, if your school allows it then do whatever the hell you like, I am saying parents who choose to break a school rule for their own child are selfish. the schools who have these rules in place are not doing it to be apain in the arse, they are doing it because they dont have the space and safety/comfort of others is often an issue. Yes all children are different and their needs are different, but all schools are different too, some have the space to accomodate parents staying on a morning, others dont.

Yes children are all different but if the school has policy in place that dictates no parents to accompany their child into the school than so be it! They all get to have some settling in before summer holidays so why the need to go in with them?

Settle them outside. Children that have no problem being left wonder why their parent isn't going in with them. There is no need for it. Sometimes children cry!
Usually because they know they will get their own way...............

It is much harder if you start going in with them because then they expect it. Stop being so bloody soft with your children it is pathetic.

Then just stand back, don't barge through and upset other people's children, do it calmly and thoughtfully.

They are all tiny in the reception class and they can all be upset really easily. Having grown-ups hogging the space and making a fuss is really intimidating.

But if you child genuinely needs extra comfort and time with you then just wait until everyone else has gone through and settled down.

It really isn't difficult to show some consideration for everyone else and still make sure your child is OK.

we let anxious dd be escorted in by SEN teacher until she became a school refuser yr2, went to juniors persuaded her to go every morning, let her be (forcefully) steered in by SEN (in tears), dealt with the misery every night, eventually went HE after she ran out (unfollowed) to road to 'escape'. Then found brilliant primary yr 4 and went into classroom all day with her, gradually moving further away. After 4 months she was totally cured, now happy at secondary.

For some children, the 'tough love' method simply will never work; they will get worse and end with serious problems.

youngminds.co.uk were very helpful

I don't think going in with your child teaches them to be soft. I think it gives them the confidence and security to see that its ok so they can then build up the courage to do it by themselves.

I think there's a big difference between settling a distressed child and the loud parenting brigade - the ones who go in and settle them when they aren't distressed, chat to the TAs every morning, bring cakes in for birthdays when it's not allowed, allow their toddler to eat the harvest festival produce in the church.

There's no doubt there's one of two of these in every class. These are the annoying people.

I generally feel quite sorry for the ones who are having to leave a clearly upset child for the day.

i still go in with ds2- he's in y2.
it's the 'done' thing at his school.

some people have a utopian view of school rules.

As in the case of the toilet break ban, that was a stupid rule (especially as that term they'd introduced the water bottles so were encouraging the children to drink more!!) and I had no qualms about saying so and advising my child that he could break it if he needed to.

Yes it does matter because it makes things harder for the other kids with mums who follow the rules,it makes it harder for the child involved.It teaches the child involved that if he cries louder he can flout rules,that his mum will flout rules.

It also makes it harder for the teacher as she will be trying to round all the children up and seeing other mums will start other kids off who have mums that have left.It cranks the noise level up and often classrooms/corridors just aren't big enough for extra adult bodies and it makes the whole situation frenetic.

There are TAs there to cuddle upset children.

Yes people are quite mean spirited. For what its worth I would stand out of the way so everyone else could get in, before doing the handover. But according to mn rules, if you dare to try and make that process as unpleasant as possible for your child ( which does have a long term greater good of them hopefully enjoying school) then suddenly you're selfish, soft and goodness knows what else. Anyway, It makes no difference to me, I'll still carry on as I am.

it is important for him to learn to respect the school

Does he deserve respect? Respect from the school to realise that it isn't constructive to start a day with being ripped from your parent? To be physically removed from your presence & expected to just sit & do his work? Respect for his feelings in that it may take just a little longer than a week to get used to being away from the one person he has depended on for EVERYTHING for 4/5 years?

But no, mush better to drag him off shouting & screaming & wanting you, than the school being flexible and realising that children of 4/5 aren't robots who happily leave mum the second the school decides they should.

Children of this age don't need such drastic lessons.

DS's school has an old dragon on the door that wont let you in for anything.

You need one of those!

Just because some think a rule is silly or dont agree with it does not mean it shouldn't be followed, they are usually put in place for a reason, our class holds an assembly every so often with tea and coffee afterwards, there is always a plate of biscuits which the parent can get for their child and enough are put for one each, but you know, some parents think this rule is silly and grab two or three for their child, which mean some children have to go without a biscuit whilst watching others sit with their parents scoffing them. I know its different but its not fair on a child who misses their mum, who has followed the rule and left them to then watch a mum comfort their child.

Absolutely differentnameforthis I feel very lucky that dd's school understand this, and work quite hard to make sure children are happy. Happy confident children = productive enjoyable learning.

if it's a stupid rule then it needs to change or be administered differently!!!!

If it is so much easier to have a parents come in and settle their child why do schools generally have the rule that you leave your children at the door? Because it is disruptive and in most cases unnecessary.

Teachers, nurseries and childminders know that as soon as the parent leaves the crying stops. It is almost always entirely for the parents benefit.

it shouldn't be followed, someone should have the courage to say 'actually I think this doesn't work can we talk about alternatives'

YANBU at all OP.

We had this when dd2 started the other week. Once you get one parent like Boys who believe the rules do not apply to them, then everyone else follows suit.

In our school the cloakrooms are tiny. All of the parents "settling in" their own child without considering the rules or the comfort of any other children led to the tiny cloakroom becoming dangerously over crowded. My child ended up injured as a result

If your believe your child has a genuine need to be treat differently to other children then fgs talk to the school and make arrangements. Don't just assume your child is more important than rules which are probably there for a reason.

I am astonished that I have only seen one person on this entire thread say 'I can see both sides'. Why has this turned so nasty? Sometimes these threads really depress me about women. A low point was whichever poster said 'if you're in the classroom settling your child then you won't be outside mingling with all the other mums'. Cliquey, much?

Come on, people. Of course, rules are there for a reason, and it's best not to break them if you don't have to. However, to all the people saying 'if we can't follow rules there will be chaos' - can we just keep in mind that we are talking about settling children at primary school here, and not the armed forces? Surely there are rules that all of us would break for our children? I think most people would say they would kill for their children under certain circumstances!

Obviously, there are sensible reasons why - after a certain point - children should walk into a classroom on their own and not with their parents. But the idea that all hell will break loose if one parent takes a few days leeway, is frankly ridiculous. So everyone calm down! None of us can possibly know the exact circumstances of the parents and children who are saying they made exceptions, so why is everyone so smug and judgey and sure they would never do it?