AIBU if I ask you to STOP STARING!

[MumToADarlingGirl]

DD is 4 and has cerebral palsy. She doesn?t have leprosy or typhoid. She doesn?t sit there drooling and gibbering. She has blond hair and green eyes and is cute looking, but she cant walk or talk yet and when she gets excited her legs shoot out in front of her. She has 'normal' intelligence and is a sensitive child.......so OK she doesn?t behave quite like a ?normal? kid, but does than mean mums with children have to stand and stare until she?s passed them? A quick glance?OK?its normal to be interested, but prolonged staring FFS!!!

Are these pig ignorant women (never men) looking smugly at DD preening themselves that they?ve produced perfect children because they are so much cleverer than me (I did all the ?right? things btw)? Do they actually believe that having a birth injured child could never happen to them? Newsflash?IT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE..so piss off with the staring and just thank god you were one of the lucky ones.

And if you think I?ve got a chip on my shoulder, you're right, the size of Mount Everest, and shoved there by the unthinking bloody ignorance of the starers!

YANBU!!!

I hate people who stare, there is no need for it!

my dd has a lump on her face and the next person who wants to try and have a 'poke' is going to end up with a broken arm!!!

Maybe they just think she's gorgeous! She'd probably remind me of a CP child I knew with beautiful blonde hair and a wicked sense of humour.
On the serious side I can't believe anyone would ever be ignorant enough to think a mother's actions when pg cause CP.

I think you may be reading too much into it...they may just be looking at her because she's cute, and you are interpreting it he wrong way?

I am sure very few of them, if any, are 'preening themselves'.

X post. Poking her face? WHAT?!

Nowt wrong with sitting there drooling and gibbering you know :)

I would guess that about 1 in 10,000 people would be smug and preening over your dd's cerebral palsy. If that.

I am sorry that you are so angered.

Or not having 'normal' intelligence but yes it's rude to stare

Maybe they are looking at her thinking shes cute? I seriously doubt there aren't many peopple in this world who feel 'smug' about having a healthy child tbh.

We have plenty of people who smile at her and make nice comments, but it is the stony faced women who start staring as we approach in her special needs buggy, dont smile, dont interact, then watch us as we depart in the distance !

A full on 5 minute stare!!!!

The minute people realise my Dd has SN they look away and pointedly don't stare, strangely

I am occassionally guilty of this without realising it tbh, my daughter had a severe condition at birth and died 2 weeks later, if I see a child with a similar condition around the same age I catch myself looking and wishing for what could have been. I don't mean anything by it at all.

I don't think telling the OP that they are staring at her eyes will help. Some people are just RUDE>

OP why don't you pull a face at them? My sister taught her DD to say "I have a congenital disorder...what's your problem?"

*doubt there are many people

YANBU, my son has a comparitively minor issue with a droopy eyelid (ptosis)(pic on profile if you want to look, but not stare). We do not mind if people ask what is wrong, we do mind if people stare and say nothing. ATM we live in a small town and most people know us, so it is not too bad. A lot of the old ladies on the bus ask how his eye is (a miracle if there were and improvement in the week since I saw them last) but they are sweet and well meaning. The most annoying comment was 'Aw, I feel so sorry for him'. I told her to save her sympathy for someone who needed it as he doesn't.

I stare at people, apparently.

Not specifically disabled people, I tend to "stare", I have been told. Not for 5 minutes though!

It is a hard habit to break. No offence meant, and no smugness about my own "wonderful fate" either .

I really love kids and babies, and love it when they smile at you, or wave (bit sad maybe)

I would shy away from confronting people tbh. Sometimes I want the ground to open up and swallow us both. I can't protect her from peoples ignorance so I just dont want to be there.

YANBU and people are ignorant however I think your OP was badly worded as if she was drooling etc and wasn't 'cute' it still wouldn't be ok to stare.

Raspberry, I am a green eyed princess.

Just wish people would realise disabled children were just children

I doubt it's always looking at your daughter being smugly.

There's one medical issue I have and when I see other people with the same issue particularly children I do stare. I have to stop myself. Cos I want to run up to the parents and say "it's worse when you are a child, its awful for the parents but honestly for me it got easier and easier."

I suppose drooling etc was not very well worded. I just mean she looks like most other children, so why the horrible staring?

We have noticed when she is in her mini city jogger buggy no one bats an eyeball, even though she's nearly outgrown it.

I think I just want some reassurance that MOST people are kind and accepting as I feel its like running a gauntlet of stares when we go anywhere and I am being judged...sigh...

I think OP that you are right to shy away from confrontation...what it seems to me, is that you have to find some way to turn the staring into a positive thing instead of an awful thing.

Maybe you could just smile broadly at the starers and say "Hi there...lovely day isn't it?" or some other pleasant greeting as you pass by.

That will teach DD to meet the stares with confidence and also serve to wake up the people who stare.

I know what you mean pancake. If I'm on my own and see a SN child I want to say to the parents, 'I'm not staring, just interested and supportive!'

Strange world.