AIBU if I ask you to STOP STARING!

[MumToADarlingGirl]

DD is 4 and has cerebral palsy. She doesn?t have leprosy or typhoid. She doesn?t sit there drooling and gibbering. She has blond hair and green eyes and is cute looking, but she cant walk or talk yet and when she gets excited her legs shoot out in front of her. She has 'normal' intelligence and is a sensitive child.......so OK she doesn?t behave quite like a ?normal? kid, but does than mean mums with children have to stand and stare until she?s passed them? A quick glance?OK?its normal to be interested, but prolonged staring FFS!!!

Are these pig ignorant women (never men) looking smugly at DD preening themselves that they?ve produced perfect children because they are so much cleverer than me (I did all the ?right? things btw)? Do they actually believe that having a birth injured child could never happen to them? Newsflash?IT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE..so piss off with the staring and just thank god you were one of the lucky ones.

And if you think I?ve got a chip on my shoulder, you're right, the size of Mount Everest, and shoved there by the unthinking bloody ignorance of the starers!

'He wanted to go and rub Oscar. But tbh I was right with him on that one'

Arf, Pagwatch!!!!!

I read this feeling rather guilty- if that was you and your daughter at the bus stop in Birmingham last week- I was staring not because the child had Cp but honestly she was just so exquisite looking I was quite taken aback! (Yes, I know ALL children are lovely.... [wink[)

And no M2ADG.. they ARE never men are they?? I've never thought about that before... but you are quite correct! And yet here we all are having so long assumed that the female of the species if so much more emotionally mature than the male.....

KrispyCakehead with you there, I tend to ignore now and concentrate on my dd, but my ds will say something and dh will do a death glare stare back,

i am sorry but the idea that a child or person without sn themselves staring at my child makes me seethe.
as fo posting about being scared as a child.........yeah ok but how does that help now, really don't get it.

I've always dinned it into DD not to stare. I had to be vigilant as I tend to wander round in a world of my own sometimes. If I have ever given the appearance of staring at someone through gazing vapidly into the middle distance, I'm really sorry.

She was trying to explain a reason for staring which wasn't just nosiness but was due to a disability, not that hard to understand, surely

Children are quite often irrational, and it doesn't mean they'll grow up into irrational adults, if their irrational prejudices are challenged appropriately.

at Mardy.

It's just another difficult thing isn't it.

What I would say is that unless you ave been on the receiving end of a bout of really full on rude staring, it is hard to understand why it is distressing.

Ds2 gets stared at constantly. I don't mind people looking. His asd is a mixture of odd and unexpected behaviours so people will look, it is natural.
But real gawping so rude. And so hard on siblings.
We had such terrible times with ds1 getting upset that we let him make his own cards to give out to some really bad offender. They were brilliant and he worded them himself so it gave him a sense of control.
Dd is a different kettle of fish. It takes a really strong incident to get a reaction from her.

I think your DS's cards are an excellent "appropriate challenge" to people's prejudices, Pag.

Have not read all threads but think I have the general gist I have adopted 8 with SN aged 32-7 (sadly 3 have died) TBH I don't care a fuck what people think any more " but for the grace of ?god there go I".
We are fortunate to live in a small seaside town and everyone accepts them as human beings and they make people smile. I realise how lucky we are.
OP hold your head up high smile sweetly and think stuff you!!

thanks Clanger. It was just a pagmatic solution to a problem but it really helped.

I have ASD, I am phobic of things and I am so very very proud that this weekend I managed, after almost 40 years and a LOT of work, to touch a tank with a snake in it; now, that was nice but not important- if I ahd a phobia of something that was basically PEOPLE then I'd have sorted it well before.

As for does threesocks know anything about ASD- threesocks has met my 3 asd kids, and me. She was lovely and quite fine with all of us. So you know, I have no worries there :)

Oh and OP- yes my AD boys might satre, although as we have plenty of friends with children who have a PD maybe not. Quite often it looks as if they sare staring becuase they switch off and look through people.

If that happens, I say 'I am really sorry, he ahs autism, he doesn;t mean anything by it'. Sometimes that's quite sufficeint. Not yesterday when ds3 knocked some poor older lady flying (I wasn't with him, DH was) but usually.

OP hold your head up high smile sweetly and think stuff you!!

The best advice. ^

Op, I get stared at by a small minority of mums at the school gate. My kids don't have SN. I think they just think I'm a bit weird and different from them. I've tried smiling at them and saying "morning" etc and they totally blank me. I've even tried joining their conversation and they still blank me! No idea what it is about me or my kids they don't like.. I think i might be aspie but i'm pretty good at adapting to most situations. I have plenty of friends who think i'm completely normal I guess some people are just rude. But that is their problem. And it won't bother them if you are angry, but it will be hurting you to have all that negative emotion. Don't let them bother you! Most people are ok.

But YADNBU!