AIBU if I ask you to STOP STARING!

[MumToADarlingGirl]

DD is 4 and has cerebral palsy. She doesn?t have leprosy or typhoid. She doesn?t sit there drooling and gibbering. She has blond hair and green eyes and is cute looking, but she cant walk or talk yet and when she gets excited her legs shoot out in front of her. She has 'normal' intelligence and is a sensitive child.......so OK she doesn?t behave quite like a ?normal? kid, but does than mean mums with children have to stand and stare until she?s passed them? A quick glance?OK?its normal to be interested, but prolonged staring FFS!!!

Are these pig ignorant women (never men) looking smugly at DD preening themselves that they?ve produced perfect children because they are so much cleverer than me (I did all the ?right? things btw)? Do they actually believe that having a birth injured child could never happen to them? Newsflash?IT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE..so piss off with the staring and just thank god you were one of the lucky ones.

And if you think I?ve got a chip on my shoulder, you're right, the size of Mount Everest, and shoved there by the unthinking bloody ignorance of the starers!

My DS is 14 doon and is blind and Autistic.

What you say is true. Mothers are smug. Others will alwsys say.you are reading too muvh into tnis because they msy feel that we are jealous or feel we failed etc. The fact is peple and children fo stare. I never did as a child as it is bad manners. A quick glance because somebody is different is OK but to stand and stare is very different.

It does happen.to us often and isnt.iny head. Ask people who work with disabled children...

I am fat,.my DS is thin. I am white. My DS is dual heritage. Most people presume I am his carer! Which is funny.

Lots of nice, kind people willing to help,.move a chair .open a door and lots of acults who like to push into him when they .think .i am not looking because it makes them feel more powerful.

Lots of boys similiar age give my DS filthy looks! And look back behind to,see of he reacts. The look of confusion when tney realise he cant because he is blind.

A policeman was laughing at my DS the other day, that was a new one ..

Having read some of the stories on this page, I do wonder what is an acceptable way to respond to a meeting with someone who has SN?

If your child runs up and stares, do you pull them away, and risk looking as though you think it's contagious? Or do you come forward and look interested, thus making it look like you're watching some kind of freakshow? Do you start talking, thereby intruding on someone else's privacy? Or do you say nothing, and look ignorant?

Do you talk to your child first, or the person he or she is looking at? Do you talk to the guardian first? Do you talk at all?

I bet that answers would be different as it would depend on a persons's preference and nobody knows what that is until they've already put their foot in it.

Is there a failsafe way to respond to these situations without upsetting anyone? (Even this last sentence sounds patronising, but it would help to avoid future misunderstandings)

Staring at a child with.no sight, speech eyc is fucking rude. It does happen and it is unsettling. Speak for yourself. Most peopme are alrigjt. Staring is impolite, for us.

The people who stare at your daughter are complete shits, OP.

A bunch of White famies in a crowded place all staring at tbe p.ly Black family is not rude?

Staring at tbe only disabled child is the same as that!

I don't have a child with SN but as an SN teacher I was out a lot with the children and the approach I liked wrt staring children was if the parent just smiled at the child and at me and said something like "hi, sorry about him/her, he loves people," or something like that, just a friendly greeting and an acknowledgement of the child's curiosity and inquisitiveness. My response was always to say hi to the staring child and maybe have a conversation with the parent, same as you would with anyone friendly that you happened to bump into on the street. Just be normal for want of a better word, people in wheelchairs, or people with SN want to chat and interact as much as anyone else and enjoy the attention of a cute child as much as anyone else. Some of the kids with SN that I took out were absolutely delighted to be approached by a young child, it really made their day.

Oh ffs

That is not what we are saying... it is not friendly at all.

PS - my previous post was about the hard-faced adult variety of starer..

Sorry, SoleSource can I ask who you are directing your posts at?

Any poster who disagrees that staring at a disabled child or at anyone for.that matter is not rude.

For different background reasons I hear where you're coming from SoleSource x

yanbu, I probably am a starer, but I stare at all kids and smile or tell DS to "say hello to the girl" etc. I make sure I smile/talk to the person in the chair if there is an interraction because I remember when I used to help a friend in her wheelchair who used to talk to her through me (she was the same age as me mentally as well as physically, just paralised legs) so I try to NOT look/smile/talk to the pusher first which might make me a bit starey

I think most people agreed that staring is rude, but it's not intentional.

If I stood over you taring at you not smiling ir respondi.g to your friendly manner besidetheseasise, what name would you have for that? Curiosity ? No you would feel intimidated and fearful. Prejudice out tnete exisys. Thete are.more people who are educated, lovely and accepting but to deny tbat people do want to make a disabled pwtson and tneir caere feel lime shit and it is all in our heafs is nothealthy either.

My DD has no SN but I live in a country where staring, opening pram hood to stare, reaching in and jabbing baby with a pointy finger are all normal it seems. I have developed a very hard gimlet stare back and get quite close to people's faces. Or I put myself between DD and the starer. TBH I am just really rude but drives me batty.

Sympathies. I honestly do wave people away, say What?? Loudly or make dismissive motions with my hands.

Rude but effective.

Rant over.

There you are besidethesea I do not tell peoplt to f off eitber I just find it rude, stop syereotyping.

My best friend has cerebal palsy. She had a hard time being bullied at school, but if I saw anyone giving her a hard time now I'd have something to say about it!

Just to give a slightly different view - it is hard to know exactly what to do. I don't want people to think I am looking away/ignoring/don't want to look at the person with SN. I tend to overcompensate and look a little longer than I normally would. It could be perceived as staring. Then when I realise I am looking a little longer than usually, I tend to smile or nod - and then worry I am being patronising. So by desperately trying not to cause offence I may be causing offence.....

Yanbu, some people are ignorant as fuck.
My daughter is deaf and people always start speaking to her like she's dumb. It winds me up. She has cochlear implants, she speaks english and she signs aswell (over 400 words, full sentences, counts, descriptives etc). She's no different from a hearing kid she just does things a bit differently.

My DD was born without her left arm below her elbow. Most of the time I don't notice people staring but we just go about life and I don't look out for starers.

I've only ever noticed a handful of 'rude' starers - so few I can remember them. Definitely not an everyday occurance.

Why are you apologising to me for.not swearing at people in public bytnesea? Because you feel that I do that? Strange thing to state otherwise.... The most I have said here is that staring is rude and nothing else about the starers.