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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect not to split the dinner bill equally when Im not drinking?

173 replies

kristabelle · 07/09/2012 16:05

On girls nights out AIBU to expect to not pay for alcohol when I have not been drinking? Don't want to appear cheap and I'm happy to split food bill equally, esp as I'm pregnant and not drinking. If I'm not being unreasonable then what's a polite way of saying I'm not paying!

OP posts:
Born2bemild · 07/09/2012 16:08

Split food equally, but take off a few quid for drinks. Surely that's normal?

WithoutCaution · 07/09/2012 16:09

Everyone pays for their own meal/drinks?

I had the same when me and the two others who weren't drinking were expected to contribute towards the drink. Which added at least £10 to each of our meals

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 07/09/2012 16:10

I drink on a night out and don't mind if people who don't drink don't pay for me to drink. I do, however, have a couple of friends who seem to 'forget' that they had a starter and a pudding and no booze and still want to pay less. Don't be that cheapskate person.

OwlLady · 07/09/2012 16:11

i always think it's less hassle and more polite to split evenly between otherwise all agree to just pay for yourselves

DameEnidsOrange · 07/09/2012 16:12

What MrsT said.

Also unless you are drinking tap water, then a soft drink can easily cost £3 in a restaurant, and a couple of them do add up

Floralnomad · 07/09/2012 16:13

Although I agree with you ,I think you either have to pay or not go because it does look cheap. I never drink and this has irked me often but there's no other way really.

Petsinmypudenda · 07/09/2012 16:13

Just spilt evenly, friendship is worth more than a few quid

Lucie99 · 07/09/2012 16:14

When out with my close friends we tend to split the bill equally regardless of who ate/drank what ... it all seems to balance itself out as we take it in turns to be the designated driver/wine drinkers. In the case of pregnancy when you don't have a choice for 9 months we'd probably insist that the pregnant friend only paid for her drinks.

Lucie99 · 07/09/2012 16:15

I meant her non alcoholic drinks but also her food ... don't expect her to pay for others wine consumption

HKat · 07/09/2012 16:16

I don't think YABU - agree with what others have said re desserts and stuff but I think drinks bill should be split between drinkers and non-drinkers. This was a big bugbear of mine when recently pregnant and going out with some friends who like the vino...

NatashaBee · 07/09/2012 16:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 07/09/2012 16:24

Have also had friends who don't want to pay the same as not drunk but who have had starters and pudding when no-one else has! If everyone has eaten the same i.e. main meal and pudding then its fair to just split the food and pay extra for drinks.

Mia4 · 07/09/2012 16:28

We always get two bills, the food bill and the drinks. We all split the food bill and tips and then those drinking split the wine bill. Seems fairer that way. We'd do trade-offs if we took it in turns not to drink but it doesn't work that way because some of my friends don't enjoy alcohol and never drink. It would be unfair to just split a whole bill.

Original poster
kristabelle · 07/09/2012 16:31

Thanks, part of the problem is not everyone takes their turn driving but they are also the ones who drink the most and expect to split the bill equally.I find it hard not to be annoyed at this! I always have the same amount of courses as everyone else, no more. Sometimes I go for the tapwater option as I know a soft drink can be just as expensive, so that's fair enough.

OP posts:
HoratiaWinwood · 07/09/2012 16:31

YANBU so long as you make it clear before people order - "can we keep the drinks separate?" - but unless the others are on a major bender or drinking Chateauneuf du Pape it won't make much difference.

A better way to feel like you aren't subsidising the lushes friends who are drinking is to make sure yours is one of the more expensive meals...

RuleBritannia · 07/09/2012 16:31

I go out with one group of friends and we each pay for what we have individually had.

alemci · 07/09/2012 16:33

i hate it when people drink and expect you to subsidise them. makes it very arkward.

in the past i have left early and put in enough to cover mine plus a bit extra.

ethelb · 07/09/2012 16:35

I think it is a bit cheap tbh, esp as after a tip it is prob a few quid.

We have friends who drink soo much and insist on such expensive wine that we don't eat out with them because of this. Are your friends v heavy drinkers?

Jinsei · 07/09/2012 16:35

If I'm not drinking, I am happy to split the bill equally, would feel a bit cheap offering to pay less. However, if I'm drinking and others aren't, I always put in more to cover it.

Original poster
kristabelle · 07/09/2012 16:40

Horatia- I like that idea! I would feel better about splitting the bill then!!

And yes some of them are quite heavy drinkers. Even when not pregnant I don't drink much as it's easier for me to drive to get home as I don't live near the others.

My husband says I shouldn't pay but I just wondered what the rest of the world thought. Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
PopOozeTheFastest · 07/09/2012 16:42

YANBU, although I probably would just split the bill equally and not say anything.

As MrsT says, I have (or used to have, haven't seen her for a long time) a friend who would make a huge deal about not paying for other people's alcohol - but order a starter, pudding & usually one of the more expensive main courses. She expected the food bill to be split equally but to only contribute the cost of her diet coke to the drinks bill.

If you are going to mention it to your friends, probably the only fair way to go is everyone only pay for what they consumed/ordered plus a bit for tips.

TheGashlycrumbTinies · 07/09/2012 16:47

We always just split the bill, sometimes I drink, sometimes I don't, some of us have coffee, some don't.

Truthfully can't be bothered totting up individual bills.

midori1999 · 07/09/2012 16:47

I don't think YABU, but if it were me I'd be happy to still split the bill however many ways equally.

If I am out with friends and have something extra (eg a starter/coffee) then I just say 'oh, I had xxxx, so I'll give a bit extra).

I do remember one awful time (that my friend and I still giggle about) when out with friends MIL, SIL and two friends of theirs, where they were drinking, but felt we'd ordered more drinks than them. Fair enough, we would probably have stuck a bit extra in, but we popped to the loo whilst waiting for the bill and when we came out they had asked for the menu back and had a pen and serviette, working out exactly how much everyone owed.... Confused

sweetkitty · 07/09/2012 16:47

What if your veggie so your meal is the cheap option but one of your friends always orders the steak with side orders so can be £10 more and the bills always split? Used to annoy me a bit.

NervousAt20 · 07/09/2012 16:49

Can you just say, you guys order and I'll do mine separately or pay when you order your food?

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