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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect not to split the dinner bill equally when Im not drinking?

173 replies

kristabelle · 07/09/2012 16:05

On girls nights out AIBU to expect to not pay for alcohol when I have not been drinking? Don't want to appear cheap and I'm happy to split food bill equally, esp as I'm pregnant and not drinking. If I'm not being unreasonable then what's a polite way of saying I'm not paying!

OP posts:
skyebluesapphire · 07/09/2012 16:50

I went out one evening and limited what I ate due to a lack of funds, expecting to pay for my own. At the end, the bill was split and it cost me £20 more than I had bargained for.

Since then, I make it plain at the start, if we are all eating/drinking the same then I am happy to split, if not, then I will pay for my own.

Since STBXH walked out, I really dont have much money and cant subsidise others for what they eat and drink as quite often I only have 1 course and they have 3.

I think as long as everybody is clear at the start then that is fine.

jimmenycricket · 07/09/2012 16:55

I also go out with a group of friends where we just pay for what we had ten split the tip/service charge. It's remarkable the difference - last week my meal (one main course plus a coffee) came to £12 - my friends each paid around £30 because of the alcohol. Shock

cakeismysaviour · 07/09/2012 16:55

My friends and I have always just paid for what we had.

Never a complicated process and doesn't require a degree in mathematics.

piprabbit · 07/09/2012 16:55

I always go out prepared and happy to split the bill evenly.
However, if my friends are kind enough to suggest knocking a few quid off my bill (or paying my share of the tip etc.) then I graciously accept.

Rosesinmyhair · 07/09/2012 16:56

I think it depends - i.e. it depends on how much everyone else is drinking and how much your meal is.

I am vegetarian and nearly always end up contributing more than would technically be the case if it was split according to the price on the bill - however, how I feel about this depends - clearly if I am having a cheese sandwich and others are having caviar and lobster salad - it would be appropriate to contribute less - but generally I just split according to the number of people

NCForNow · 07/09/2012 16:56

It annoys me how some people judge those who want to pay for what they've had. SOME of us have very small budgets and literally don't have enough for the "odd" drink that someone else has guzzled.

HoratiaWinwood · 07/09/2012 16:56

I agree that veggies get a worse deal than teetotallers. Main courses can be double the price if they are meat - enough for half a bottle of wine...!

I far prefer splitting the bill as I suffer from British money awkwardness. But I find it is the rich people who eat/drink most and want to split the bill. Only the poorest person or the one who eats least should suggest splitting the bill; likewise the richest/greediest is the only one who can suggest paying separately.

Either way, agreeing before you order is the way forward. Splitting? Lamb shank and a mocktail. Paying? Salad and tap water. Grin

Startailoforangeandgold · 07/09/2012 16:59

UANBU
I would expect the others to round their share up and yours down.

Unless you are in Ibiza where the local beer was slightly cheaper than CokeConfused

theoriginalandbestrookie · 07/09/2012 17:00

I think it depends on

a) how much alcohol is consumed - if its a couple of bottles of house wine for a table vs two soft drinks cost difference may not be that much

b) what you were like before you got pregnant - were you kind and considerate towards non drinkers bills when you were able to drink?

c) Are you the only non drinker - could strengthen the case if there is more than one of you ?

In principal I think you are right but I also get bugged by people who put down "their" amount of the bill and forget about soft drinks, coffees, shared starters and tips.

I wonder who these mysterious people are who seem to pay less for their meal than they ate as inevitably I end up paying at least £5-10 more than what I have worked out should be my share.

I have instigated the practice of non drinkers paying less at a school mums night out but did it on one where I was drinking - less obvious if you don't profit straight away.

Startailoforangeandgold · 07/09/2012 17:00

I would never expect my veggi BF to split the bill, her main courses are way cheaper.

shockers · 07/09/2012 17:17

One of my group of friends uses this argument. She always trots out the I'm not drinking line, despite having spent about a fiver on coke. Our wine costs about the same between us. She's not the designated driver as we all walk, except her... she could easily walk, she just prefers to drive.

I find it very irritating.

Floggingmolly · 07/09/2012 17:24

It depends on what you mean by not drinking. If you're having soft drinks / sparkling water, it can easily be almost the same price as the wine drinkers. At most the difference will be a couple of quid - really not worth getting in a stew about.

GhostShip · 07/09/2012 17:38

Oh I just split it any old way I'm not really overly bothered.

They should realise though that you've not had the ale..

Jinsei · 07/09/2012 17:42

Only the poorest person or the one who eats least should suggest splitting the bill; likewise the richest/greediest is the only one who can suggest paying separately.

^^ this :)

crashdollGOLD · 07/09/2012 17:56

It depends on how many people there are and how much they are drinking. I don't mind splitting equally when I'm out with my girlfriends and they have the old glass of wine. However, in a big group (usually with uni friends) when people are drinking a lot, we get a seperate food and drink bill, so it avoids awkwardness.

simplesusan · 07/09/2012 18:00

I always seem to cop for splitting the bill when I am on a budget and have deliberately choosen something cheap to eat!
I do agree it depends on what you are drinking. Soft drinks are quite often as expensive as alcohol.
The last time I went out for a meal with friends we all paid for our own drinks and split the food bill.

Proudnscary · 07/09/2012 18:02

Honestly, I think it's just about being subtly mindful and sensitive about people's financial means.

If I'm with a fairly comfortably off group, then we'd split the bill whoever had what.

If there is someone on maternity leave or someone I know is struggling a bit then I'd pipe up and say 'Let's do drinks and food separately as XX hasn't been drinking so it's not fair'

Pinkforever · 07/09/2012 18:07

Sorry but YABU-it does look cheap Im afraid. We spilt the bills equally but if we have a pregnant friend or someone who is driving then we will usually knock say a fiver off their share of the bill.

I would never quibble over paying though as I dont think its polite in the company of friends. Does sometimes rile me because I am always the first to offer to buy a round of drinks and have a couple of friends who never offer.Now I just make sure I sit there until they return the favour or I pointedly tell them what I would like to drinkGrin

Original poster
kristabelle · 07/09/2012 18:09

Thanks, the reason I've written this is there was a recent night out where I drank tapwater all night, had 2 courses same as everyone else (it was effectively a fixed price menu) and still ended up paying nearly £40 as the bill was split equally and I felt awkward about saying anything. I have no problem paying my share of tip etc but reckon I paid £10 more than I owed. And nobody said anything...

OP posts:
Born2bemild · 07/09/2012 18:11

Depends how often it happens. I quite often eat the veggie, cos I prefer it. I often drive, and have one soft drink because we go out too far for me to get back otherwise, and I don't enjoy soft drinks. When my bill is maybe £12 and everyone says let's throw in £25, it gets a bit much every single time. Would be ok as a one off though.

Pinkforever · 07/09/2012 18:11

Sorry but you just have to suck it up Im afraid! I went out a night out a week after c-section-yes madness!-it was a set menu for about £12. I had one vino but I still payed my share of the bill which came to £30-because thats the polite thing to do...

AvonCallingBarksdale · 07/09/2012 18:15

Ooooh, just split it equally. Surely it all balances out -some people don't drink, others never have more than one course, some have three courses. Especially if you're out with freinds - who wants to be faffing around with dividing up the bill? I went out with a group of mates a while back and one is a notorious cheapskate, but always likes to go to naice restaurants. when the bill came, she got out a pencil and starting working out to the nearest penny on her frigging serviette!! NEedless to say we ended up splitting the bill equally!

Born2bemild · 07/09/2012 18:22

I'm not sure it does even out. I nearly always drive because they live in the city and I don't. A couple of friends always, always eat every course available.

spoonsspoonsspoons · 07/09/2012 18:23

I don't get the logic in the person wanting to work out and pay only their own share being the cheapskate. Surely the people who want to split the bill equally despite owing more are the cheapskates?

Chocobo · 07/09/2012 18:28

Yadnbu