to expect not to split the dinner bill equally when Im not drinking?

[kristabelle]

On girls nights out AIBU to expect to not pay for alcohol when I have not been drinking? Don't want to appear cheap and I'm happy to split food bill equally, esp as I'm pregnant and not drinking. If I'm not being unreasonable then what's a polite way of saying I'm not paying!

I agree with whoever said ^^ that the onus is on the drinkers to look out for whether the non-drinker is getting a raw deal. Personally, I'm always a drinker, but I try to make sure it is evenly balanced when the bill comes if someone has not been drinking. It's just being a friend, right? I don't think I've ever been out with anyone I thought was deliberately paying less than their fair share.

I hate it when people quibble over the bill at the end of the meal. There is no need for it at all.

If you wish to pay only for what you have had, deal with this on arrival and tell the waiter that you will order and pay separately and make sure the rest of the party is aware.

There, that's easy isn't it?

But why should the non-drinker have to be humiliated like that, goldsienna?

There is nothing humiliating about taking control, surely?

It's not about "non-drinkers" anyway. Just anyone who wishes, out of fairness, to pay their own way. That could also apply to someone who was intending to order more expensive fare.

Well Patsys, god forbid that they must pay for their own food or drinks. It is far easier to take someones last, say, £20 off them so that they themselves can get tipsy, or have them feel humiliated by having to force the issue of just paying for their own salad and half a coke than to expect the others to pay for their own drinks and courses of food.

Maybe it doesn't have to be, but I would find that incredibly embarrassing and there is no way I'd do it. Nor would I really want to announce to a table that I intended to pay my own bill at the start of the meal. You don't have to take control to be treated fairly, you just all have to be fair.

I went out to a family members hen night. At the time as a family we were really hard up. I mean getting deeper overdrawn just for basics, I had to borrow an outfit to go in and I had exactly £15.00 for the whole night. I spoke to the person who's hen night it was and explained, I kept my bill to about £13 (including the meal, i just had a starter). The other guests and there was about 25 of them, lots of London types, they started getting double brandys, then champers, when the bill came it was like £500, and they were all really shocked, one lady said 'its ok I have got a calculator' and then proceeded to divide the bill by the number there, I said 'no' I have had £13 and thats all I am paying, the room nearly choked, but I stood my ground. I was not well liked, but hey! so what.

Kabooooom, I don't really understand what you're getting at there.

Try being a vegetarian... honestly, I don't usually mind the fact that I come off worst splitting the bill but we are brassic atm and I saved up to go on a night out with all the other Mums from school. Kept my order very modest but did have a glass of wine. When the bill came, someone took charge and announced 'it's £40 if you had wine and £20 if you didn't'. Bit tricky for me and rather unfair - but what really got me was the idea that you can take one circumstance into account (alcohol) but not another (vegetarianism). OK, I guess being veggie is a minority sport and omnivores don't realise how much more expensive all their steak is, but that particular evening it just hurt. For once.

I have spent decades not quibbling over bills, tbh, people who make a fuss about every penny are a pain in the bum, but this one occasion was the time where I finally saw their point.

Well, yes, it is humiliating when you get questioned and if you don't give a good enough reason, you are called a cheapskate pot kettle black?, and then you have to explain that you are so skint, you only have that £20 to last you to the end of the month. And with some people who tend to expect this type of thing, will then go on to talk to the others behind your back about "Well, bollocks if you ask me. She has a lovely big house, and a car, and she claims she is skint? Ha! Pull the other one!" type comments.

And no, this hasn't happened to me so I am not bitter or anything. But it has happened to someone I know.

Sorry Patsys. Sarcasm isn't my greatest point. Was trying to make the same point you was making, but probably went about it the wrong way.

I just hate how others can't see the bigger picture.

Ah, bill splitting is so contentious.

Out with a big group like work or someone's birthday, split the bill and treat as the cost of the evening.

Out with mates, generally split the bill but of one person wasn't drinking or didn't have pud would suggest we didn't straight split.

My absolute pet hate tho is the tight arse (there is always one!) who didn't 'drink' but did have three grapefruit juices and a fucking fillet steak but wants to pay less.

"My absolute pet hate tho is the tight arse (there is always one!) who didn't 'drink' but did have three grapefruit juices and a fucking fillet steak but wants to pay less."

In which case you add up exactly what everyone owes and do it that way, no?

When I go out we either split the bill equally where it's all much of a muchness, or work out individual cost to within a quid or so. Grapefruit and fillet steak person would never pay loads less than they owed. I've never come across a situation like edam mentioned where people pay different costs based on arbitrary rules.

Best option is to go for fixed price meals - did this for the last night out I organised and even better used the complimentary drink allowance to put a few bottles of wine on the table. That way people knew what they would be paying before they went and the only extras were a couple of bottles of wine - which equated to about £2 per person so it worked out well.

I honestly wouldn't bother unless it's a massive difference or if you're hard up.

And this is why I don't go out to work and other 'dos'. I don't drink, don't have much of an entertainment budget, and tend to have tap water and one course only (picking something cheap). How is it then fair to pay £30 to subsidise other people's expensive choices?

Personally, I'd rather not go out if I couldn't pay my way and I've taken that option when things have been tight. Can't be doing with a nice evening being spoilt at the end with quibbling over the bill. Life's too short, surely? It's the company that makes the evening, I think, not the "who had this, who had that..."

There is nothing to be self-conscious about asking to order and pay separately. People often ask to do this if, for instance, they may have to leave early. The key is to make the arrangement at the beginning, it avoids so much fussing and fiddling about.

What is this 'complimentary drink allowance' and where do I get one??

Kaboooom, got you now. I read it all the wrong way!

YANBU

I don't think it's polite to expect someone to pay for someone else.

I went out not so long ago where everyone, expect me, had the set meal, large beers & suggested 'splitting the bill'.

I ended up paying double for what i'd eaten. How is that 'polite' ?

I've declined subsequent invites !

I hate that it is those who want to just pay for their own food, who are the ones who are not 'paying their way'.

On the contrary, its those who only pay part of the cost they incurred and then pass the rest of the cost onto their fellow diners who ate/drank less, who are not paying their way.

YANBU in theory but in practise bill quibbles really make me squirm.

I barely ever go out to eat but when I do I'd like five courses and plenty to wash it down with. At the end of this nice comfortable evening I cannot bear a bill squabble. Organise your own bill - fine - but do not rope me into five minutes of rehashing who had what and how much with calculator out, crashing across the juicy and interesting conversation I am now having with the person to my right who is spilling all about how she reckoned her previous boyfriend was in love with her brother etc, etc....

Whatever you decide to do fgs do it quietly and quickly.

I agree with gold sienna completely. Having an entirely separate bill or just splitting the bill is the only senile way of doing it.

How is it humiliating to say you would rather only pay for yourself at the start of a meal? Its certainly no different to quibbling at the end, and its 100% less humiliating that sitting at a table with calculators out working out who had what and then someone counting and recounting and checking what everyone else put in. I hate those situations, it's just so undignified!

Whereas if you get your own bill you can be discreet about it, not humiliate the rest of the table, and you don't have to feel bad that you subsidised anyone else.

I have a very anal friend or two who quite happily work the bill out. So we just pay for our own plus an equal share in tips. Right down the the actual penny, and it does not take long, and it is always right and there are never arguments about it as those people just do it.

or, we buy drinks at the bar seperately and split down the middle. But don't invite 'bob' who has the starter, that dish that has a £5 supplement, an extra portion and pudding plus coffee to finish