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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect not to split the dinner bill equally when Im not drinking?

173 replies

kristabelle · 07/09/2012 16:05

On girls nights out AIBU to expect to not pay for alcohol when I have not been drinking? Don't want to appear cheap and I'm happy to split food bill equally, esp as I'm pregnant and not drinking. If I'm not being unreasonable then what's a polite way of saying I'm not paying!

OP posts:
Kabooooom · 07/09/2012 21:36

But Avon, why would there be any need to quibble over the bill? Either someone tries to take the piss, and try to pay for less than what they have had, or the others who are drinking, expect the non drinkers to pay towards their drinks for it to turn into a quibble. Either way, I wouldn't be impressed at either attitude and wouldn't bother going out with them again.

It isn't about who spends what, it is about those with the self righteous attitude who think the others should pay for them that would cause the quibbling, whether that be for an extra course or drinks. It isn't about someone who is rather skint that month, and is more than willing to pay for their share only. Especially when usually, they would more than happily split the bill.

As you say, it is the company that matters. I would much prefer for a lovely friend to come out and only pay for what they have if that is all they can afford, rather than a friend who was going to get het up because it meant they had to pay more towards their own drinks and food.

PavlovtheCat · 07/09/2012 21:40

but, back to the OP I think you should just simply and clearly put your money down and say 'i am only paying for what I have eaten/drank as I am pregnant and thus not drinking ok?' what can they say? no?

goldsienna · 07/09/2012 21:42

Outraged has it summed up perfectly (am sure s/he didn't mean to say "senile" :o)

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 07/09/2012 21:42

It turns into a quibble as soon as someone sits there scrutinising the bill and saying 'right, you had the chicken, three glasses of wine, and shared a desert, so you owe £X'.

It might all be gone in a way that's friendly and everyone ends up happy with what they have spent, but it's still broken the flow of the converstaion far too much and looked undignified.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 07/09/2012 21:43

Did I say senile?! Stupid stupid iPad autocorrect! Blush

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 07/09/2012 21:45

Oh! Actually, that's one of my better iPad failures!

Kabooooom · 07/09/2012 21:52

I have never known anyone scrutinise over a bill. We know how much our meal came to, say, £7.99. We know roughly our drink was about £4 and I had 3. I would total that up to £20 in my head then hand it over with some loose change I have for the tip.

But in all honesty, that hasn't happened often as I don't know of many places who allow tabs anymore unless you hand over your card. So mainly, for example, if me and A are out with another set of good friends, B and C, I will go up and pay up front for mine and As meal when I order and B will go and pay for theirs and C. Then A and C will go and get the first two rounds in, which usually come to more or less what the ones who paid for the meals spent. Then that way, no one is paying more than they should be which means no arguing, or quibbling over the bill as everything is already paid for.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 07/09/2012 21:56

I have known people scrutinise the bill. Believe me, it's painful.

Most restaurants I have been to bring everything to the table. You can't go to the bar and pay separately unless it's breakfast at Weatherspoons or something. Your only options are to quibble, split, or ask for a separate bill.

PavlovtheCat · 07/09/2012 21:57

kabooom honestly? you pay for your meals before you eat? I did not ever consider that a tab! that is just how restuarants work. you go in, eat lovely food then discretely pay as you leave. How can you pay before you eat? the food might be appalling! I pay in advance in cafes and the such, or some pubs, but not even all those. I thought a tab was at the bar for drinks...

PavlovtheCat · 07/09/2012 21:58

and we don't quibble, our said friend(s) says 'pavlov you owe £30' or whatever and I pay her Grin

whois · 07/09/2012 21:59

Kabooooom huh? Have you never eaten in a restaurant before or something? Resturants work like this, you go in, sit down, order, eat, ask for bill & pay. Pubs, mcdonalds, nando's etc do make you pay in advance Grin Although even the greasy spoon I had lunch in at the wekend gave us our food before paying!

Kabooooom · 07/09/2012 22:02

Honestly? The only places I have been to that you eat before paying are Carverys (which I am no fan of. Maybe I haven't found a decent Carvery but all the ones I have been to, the meat is way too dry, and so is most of the rest of the food) and Buffets all you can eat type restaurants, which I do enjoy but barely go to as there isn't one close by.

Maybe I live in a weird area, but yes, every other place I have been to, unless you hand over a credit card, you have to pay up front.

Kabooooom · 07/09/2012 22:07

And if the food is appalling (which the one we always frequent, isn't. I am always tempted to kidnap the chef!) then you complain, as you would if you hadn't paid and you either A, get your money back with a free drink or B, get your money back with a free pudding of your choice.

PavlovtheCat · 07/09/2012 22:08

thats so funny, the carvery pub i go to is one of the only places I eat regularly where I DO have to pay before I eat! Apart from the cafe where I eat brekky.

Gingerodgers · 07/09/2012 22:11

I live in nz, and here it is quite common practice to go up to the till at the end of ameal and say, I had xy and z, and they charge you for that. At first, I felt it was really rude, but now I really like it. It means I can often go out with I group I barely know, and not feel like I owe them, or that I've paid way more than my share. It also allows people on a tight budget to still come, and choose just a snack, and one drink and know that they can still afford it. All in all, I think it works really well once you get over the oddness of it.

Margerykemp · 07/09/2012 22:13

Op you seem to have an issue with them drinking per se, it doesn't just seem to be about you abstaining for pregnancy.

Kabooooom · 07/09/2012 22:14

Now that is strange. Even the one miles away where my mother lives charges after you have ate. Now that bill when we went that one did make us scrutinise the bill, but only because we was shocked at the total as we had all stuck to soft drinks and only 2 at that.

CherylWillBounceBack · 07/09/2012 22:46

YANBU - I'm always aware when I've had more expensive food then others, and put in more. When I've been on the other end of it (through not drinking), I've split, but it's fascinating that others don't notice - usually happens at work do's rather than with close friends. But hey, that's life - some of us notice these things, others are more laissez faire.

What gets my goat more is rounds of drinks - the work of the devil imho. I had a mate expect me to 'get them in' after I'd been having blackcurrant/lime soda's all night last week, which are from free nearly everywhere we went. For the first time in my life I grew a spine and told him to fuck off - it felt delicious.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 07/09/2012 22:55

Agree cheryl, rounds are evil I try to avoid work drinking dos now.

I only have 1-2 drinks at most and would rather just pay for my own but always seem to get coerced into putting £10 or £20 in a kitty which then either results in me getting twice as many drinks as I can possibly cope with, or losing money.

Lolwhut · 07/09/2012 22:58

YANBU I don't drink and I don't want to pay loads for other people. A few quid here and there is fine but not too much. I would be equally irritated by people that always seem to order the most expensive ting on the menu. Hmm

If you are pregnant how about saying that you may have to leave early so you will keep your bill separate if that's OK, also, remember to tell the waiter. Obviously this won't work if you are travelling in a group.

I find people don't mind at all if you ask if you can have a separate bill. I don't even give a reason for it if I am in a big group.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 07/09/2012 23:00

Great idea Lolwhut - leave early before the bill arrives, but rather than getting a separate one you can put in the amount that you owe ( make sure it includes soft drinks cost if you had any Grin) Perfect way to get out of paying too much and not having to raise the issue.

spoonsspoonsspoons · 07/09/2012 23:10

Work dinners are great for me. One very nice lady puts everything on her card, gets the bill and let's everyone know what they owe the next day - perfect

mummybare · 07/09/2012 23:27

I HATE it when people start nitpicking and trying to pay less because they didn't drink or ate less, yada yada. Generally I am always happier if we split the bill. And I say this as a vegetarian who has been pregnant or breastfeeding for what seems like forever (but is actually just over a year).

But then I am very British when it comes to talking about money, so I'm sure YANBU, but it does make me feel a bit squeamish, I'm afraid.

NCForNow · 07/09/2012 23:31

Mummy would you hate it less if you knew that some of the people there couldn't actually afford to pay the extra? But had worked out what they could afford to buy and only consumed that?

NCForNow · 07/09/2012 23:32

SO your "squeamishness" is actually ignorance really MummyBare