To leave an 11 and 13 year old home alone over night?

[MrsKLemon]

I have a huge dilema. I have an overnight thing to go to which I thought was next friday. I'd arranged babysitters. Now I realise it's tonight. I can't get out of it without it causing a huge load of trouble and my babysitter is away this week. There is nobody else to lool after them.

They have been left home alone lots in the past, necessity as a working single mum. They are both happy left alone. They both have mobile phones. There are two house phones (upstairs and downstairs), they know the safety rules (no answering the door, telephone, no using kitchen appliances etc) and they have in the past been left home alone until 2am (accidental, car break down) and when I got home they were both fast asleep in bed. No problems.

It's a one off. AIBU to leave them alone all night? I have spoken to them about it, they're absolutely fine with it. I would have to leave at 6pm tonight and will be home about 8am.

Please don't flame me, just in a huge pickle here and looking for advice, not argument.

I am not sure TBH although I am inclined to take the view that nowadays we wrap our children in cotton wool too much and they just don't get to learn life skills in the same way as my generation did.

My parents left my sister and I alone overnight when we were 12 and 14. It was normal in those days. Nowadays parents wrap children in cotton wool and this has become defined as "normal". I think it is all a bit much. If you can leave them for an evening on their own then they can be left for a night.

However, I would make sure there was someone within easy reach they could contact if there was a problem. There is a difference between independence and stupidity.

I have been a single parent for 8 years ,and understand these dilemmas,I am generally a very laid back about these things,but I really wouldn't.
I know people talk about independence I would regularly look after my 5 younger brothers when we were growing up,but just because I managed and nobody died doesn't mean it wasn't stressful and an accident waiting to happen.
I would bring them I have brought my kids to meetings , they sat out in the car playing on their dsis I have brought them to work, on a recent works night my XH let me down at the venue so they came for an hour everyone was really kind and appreciated what had happened,shit happens to everyone .Is that a possibility could they come with you?

I do get it but I really really wouldn't leave them.

My eldest two are 13 and 10. They are good kids. The 10 year old is v mature and sensible. The 12 year old is getting v streetwise and had quite a lot of independence -playing out, staying home for a few hours and watching his sisters for an hour or so.
It wouldn't have occured to me in a million years to leave them overnight!!!!
I don't know about them, but I would be terrified -burglars, fire, planes crashing on the house and all manner of hysteria would be raging through my head all night. I just couldn't do it.

However, that is obviously totally irrational and, if, OP, you feel relaxed enough and they are fine about it, then who cares about judgy folk?

feelingdizzy comprende.
My mum was a single mum and left me alone a LOT - if it was happening now I'd have deffo been taken into care - weekend in Paris leaving me with a key to visit neighbours age 7 was the clincher -
BUT
it was normal for me - my friends mums bit their tongues and offered me sleepovers and I only realised HOW weird it was MUCH later.
SO
I've always been there for my kids. Taking them to evening meetings etc etc
then when older one hit secondary age I started to trust them.
Morning / afternoon first
then early evening - until DH came home if I had to be out
AND
have not had to leave them overnight - BUT I trust my neighbours implicitly to keep an ear out if needs be and them to have the sense to raise the alarm.

Growing up has to be gradual, not sudden changes on dates specified by the NSPCC

I would never dream of leaving them at that age, you would never forgive yourself if anything were to happen!

at what age does that reaction stop?

TalkinPeace2 35 if mumsnet is to be believed

what happened? did the op find somebody? did she take the kids with her to the hotel?

TEE HEE

thank goodness that MN only features a very small and disproportionately rich proportion of the real population

there is hope

but it ain't on this thread :-)

"first sentence
There is no legal age limit for leaving a child on their own"

So basically you can leave your child alone at any age! So leaving them in a hotel whilst dining out isn't the crime it's been made out to be"

It wasn't normal in my childhood (quite a long time ago!) to be left alone at night ever.

Also, a someone who stil hates sleeping in the house on my own, isn't there a possibility that these kids mightbe scared if left alone?

No, I wouldn't do it. I know it's an awful problem workwise, but it's not safe.

Talkinpeace, how young wouldbyou leave children?
I am struggling to understand whatbis different about the 4 hours between 2 Amd 6 as a few posters have said they'd leave them till 2 but not all night.

I think op has gone!

No, I'm 32 and wasn't left alone till 16 (overnight)

Or am I 33? :o anyway, early to mid 30s

I don't think it's ever been normal to be left alone overnight at that age? Or maybe people did it but never admitted it. Being left alone overnight isn't a life skill.

Planned : I'd rather wait till older one was 16

Unplanned / emergency work / family shite / you name it : now (12 and 14)

and have had to leave them at short notice (DH caught in a motorway gridlock I had to be out of an evening) when older one was 11.

My point is that I suspect the risk of the sky falling in is the same if I am here as if I am not - ie bugger all
so why chew up about what might happen tonight when I've had a drink but am here?
Sorry but its DM / parenting mag / daytime TV paranoia, not real risk analysis

If OP's kids are happy to fart about in their rooms while she's out, what is the hassle?

Well wasn't the norm to be left home alone overnight when I grew up either. I'm 39. No one I knew was left home alone overnight. I wasn't allowed til I was much older, sixth form. Yes I babysat from 13y but adults always came home

Hulababy
how many of the people you were at primary school had single parents?
real question - i was highly unusual at my vahy nayce prep school to have a single mum
families with two parents have little understanding of the issue IMHO

My mum was a single mum: I recall getting left when we were about the OP's kids' ages. I also used to have to look after my middle brother, who is severally developmentally delayed (IQ of 57 - very rare chromosomal abnormality). And I used to answer the phone for my mum's job (she's a GP) with messages from patients - i.e. you have to write it down carefully and correctly. I remember being about 12? 13? and having to do this.

What's the big deal? What on earth is going to happen?

My neighbor across the street has left her DCs (she's a single mum) who are 13, 11 and 7. She tells me the night she's going and tells them to call me if there's a problem. I would be there in a heartbeat, obviously, but, like I said nothing has happened.

The sky is not falling down....

I don't really understand why you can't get another babysitter? Lots available to find online or through an agency.

TalkinPeace a fair few from what I remember tbh; was very mixed bag. Was your bog standard council estate, your local comps, etc. No nice preps where I grew up.

THAT depends where you live
no agencies round here for a start
and the online searches do not go outside the M25 - 80 miles beyond my range let alone OPs
and FRANKLY
I'd rather leave my kids on their own than with a complete stranger found on the internet

ChocolateIsAFoodGroup - your neighbour lives a 7 year old old overnight with no adult? Wow. That is so young.