To leave an 11 and 13 year old home alone over night?

[MrsKLemon]

I have a huge dilema. I have an overnight thing to go to which I thought was next friday. I'd arranged babysitters. Now I realise it's tonight. I can't get out of it without it causing a huge load of trouble and my babysitter is away this week. There is nobody else to lool after them.

They have been left home alone lots in the past, necessity as a working single mum. They are both happy left alone. They both have mobile phones. There are two house phones (upstairs and downstairs), they know the safety rules (no answering the door, telephone, no using kitchen appliances etc) and they have in the past been left home alone until 2am (accidental, car break down) and when I got home they were both fast asleep in bed. No problems.

It's a one off. AIBU to leave them alone all night? I have spoken to them about it, they're absolutely fine with it. I would have to leave at 6pm tonight and will be home about 8am.

Please don't flame me, just in a huge pickle here and looking for advice, not argument.

YABVU, they are far too young. How irresponsible.

Oh good grief - how old out of interest, is old enough in your opinion then nose?

Backforgood
Yup, the Uni kid is away from home, surrounded by strangers for 10 weeks.
The 11 year old is at home in their own room for eight hours with Mum on the end of a phone
HUGE difference.

nosepeg
Indeed, when IS the right age?

I fear for the next generation of adults, I really do. My dd was staying over babysitting at 14/15 for couples regularly who didn't roll home until 6 or 7am pissed. She was probably more responsible than the adults in those situations! How on earth can they learn to be independent if their bloody mothers don't let them?

depends on the child, but I reckon around 14 or 15, without a younger sibling

Ha! Looking after the younger sibling is probably in my view a safer option, a single 15 year old would have his/her mates in drinking and partying!

How old are your kids if you have any nose?

WILL NO ONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?

hOW WILL THEY LEARN INDEPENDENCE?

wHAT IF THE CEILING FALLS ON THEM OR A SPARROW IS TRAPPED IN THE CHIMNEY?

mine are 10 and 8

What independance does you 10 year old have now? Play out, walk to school, shop etc?

I'm not sure I should engage with a personal interrogation just because I posted an opinion you disagreed with - but OK:

my 10yo is allowed to go to school on his own, as the school is at the nd of our road and there are lots of other children and families going the same way. However he is not allowed to leave school and walk home alone - partly because he is tired and scatty at the end of a school day and partly because there would be nobody home and he is too young to have a key and be at home alone. So he goes to afterschool club and is picked up after work. He doesn't play out because we live on a main road but he walks to the local shop.

I think 13 yos are capable of being very mature and sensible.
At 13 I was youth hostelling across the Peak and Lake Districts with a map and no adult guidance. A friend and I rode cross country for 3 days on ponies on our own staying with people we knew. I was travelling between cities on trains. I was in a national sports teams and went all over the country being 'billeted' in people's houses.

But also at 13 I would have been frightened going to bed on my own in an empty house. My parents used to leave me at 14 and I never went to sleep til they were home, stayed awake imagining them in a car crash etc.

However, I had grown out of that fear by the time I was at Uni so no helicopter parenting required. Totally silly to compare Uni students to pre-pubescent children.

Err I asked a question, it wasn't an interrogation

I just wondered what lead you to think it was so irresponsible and if your kids were independent. And I see from your reply that they aren't very, which makes me understand your reasons for thinking it's irresponsible.

I'm happy with our family's balance between developing independence and care/safety. Others will have different children and different thresholds. The thread invited opinions on leaving children overnight and I gave mine. at you deciding on the basis of one post that my children "aren't very independent".

It wasn't a criticism, I was trying to understand your point of view and what would make you think at 13 it was too young to leave a sensible child alone. That's all

Nearly 14 sounds old enough for me, but your decision OP... its difficult. I sympathise with the position of being a single parent and having been let down ie. no childcare for an important event .

I think it would be absolutely fine but I wouldn't do it. Yes, I know that doesn't make sense. .
Are you sure he can't just crash at a nieghbours or friends. I don't think people would mind?? (well I wouldn't).
Also, couldn't the babysitters just come really late after whatever it is that they are doing? Even if they pitched up at 11 or whatever, it would be ok..?

But they babysitters are likely to be the same age as the ds

Going to go against the grain here (at least I think I am, I only read the first 50 % of responses) and say YANBU.

You know your children, you think they are responsible enough, and you have appropriate household safety in place- I would think it fine.

At that age, I would say a decisive factor is whether or not the children themselves are happy to be left. Obviously if they are nervous and worrying about 'what ifs' then I wouldn't leave them.

The usual hysteria, I see

You are not an evil maniac for thinking about it, I would too - but on balance I wouldn't do it

Can they bunk at hotel with you? Watch telly/eat the mini fridge while you go to your function?

11 and 13yrs is too young, regardless of 'maturity', to be left alone overnight.

why?

Trust your gut, not MN.

i think they are too young to be left overnight.

why?

what is the right age?