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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave an 11 and 13 year old home alone over night?

280 replies

MrsKLemon · 07/09/2012 14:03

I have a huge dilema. I have an overnight thing to go to which I thought was next friday. I'd arranged babysitters. Now I realise it's tonight. I can't get out of it without it causing a huge load of trouble and my babysitter is away this week. There is nobody else to lool after them.

They have been left home alone lots in the past, necessity as a working single mum. They are both happy left alone. They both have mobile phones. There are two house phones (upstairs and downstairs), they know the safety rules (no answering the door, telephone, no using kitchen appliances etc) and they have in the past been left home alone until 2am (accidental, car break down) and when I got home they were both fast asleep in bed. No problems.

It's a one off. AIBU to leave them alone all night? I have spoken to them about it, they're absolutely fine with it. I would have to leave at 6pm tonight and will be home about 8am.

Please don't flame me, just in a huge pickle here and looking for advice, not argument.

OP posts:
soverylucky · 07/09/2012 14:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BellaVita · 07/09/2012 14:14

Absolutely not.

I would not leave my 15 and 13 year old overnight by themselves.

rubyslippers · 07/09/2012 14:14

If its an over nighter can't they stay with you at the venue?

lisaro · 07/09/2012 14:15

I was always very laid back but no no no no
NO to this. I'm surprised you even need to ask. And please answer the previous posters who have asked you what would necessitate you being out overnight but back by 8am.

Mabelface · 07/09/2012 14:15

Absolutely not.

Ragwort · 07/09/2012 14:16

Only you know your own kids, are they really sensible? Have you got a neighbour they can call on in an emergency? Are they they self-reliant children? Is your 13 year old just 13 or nearer 14?

I think it is highly unlikely that the child protection people would be in the slightest bit intrested if (and how would they?) they found out; judging by the number of cases that go wrong even when well known to social services.

Many scouts (don't know about guides) go off on camping/hiking trips on their own (without leaders) at 12 or 13 and your children would be in very familiar surroundings.

Obviously it is not ideal and it is a sad fact that so few people seem to know their neighbours/childrens' friends' parents etc that they can't ask for help in this sort of situation but yes, I don't think it is the worse thing in the world (but not many people on mumsnet will 'approve'.).

OwlLady · 07/09/2012 14:16

I wouldn't either

can you not get a taxi back?

Paralympia · 07/09/2012 14:16

ps, I hope nobody flames you. I am a single parent and it's this kind of juggling nightmare that terrifies me.

MrsPnut · 07/09/2012 14:16

I probably wouldn't leave them and I am very laid back about these things.

Is there no-one they could sleep over with? I have farmed my teenager out on sleepovers plenty of time and had other kids over to stay to help parents out.

Startailoforangeandgold · 07/09/2012 14:17

Both of my two, 11 and 14 yes. The 11yo wouldn't like the thought of it.
I've left her on her own untill 11pm once because she refused to come to something.

She'd be ok with her sister there. Big sister has camped in the garden on her own and would be absolutely fine.

Wouldn't trust them to get up in time for school. DD2 would, DD1 is hopeless.

Goldmandra · 07/09/2012 14:17

It's not so much about whether you trust them to behave. It's more about how they will cope if something goes wrong like and accident, illness or injury.

I don't think I would leave them.

If something does go wrong can you just walk out of work and come home to sort it out?

I would also be ringing round friends' parents to ask for sleepover favours.

Newtothisstuff · 07/09/2012 14:17

I was babysitting for 2 young kids overnight at that age, if you eldest is sensible and you trust him I'd go for it, you can always ask the neighbour to keep a look out !!

Ra88 · 07/09/2012 14:18

No no no no no !!

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Yourchildshealthandsafety/Yourchildssafetyinthehome/DG_070594

Children under 16 shouldn't be left home along overnight . Especially not relying on the eldest to look after an 11 year old

ClippedPhoenix · 07/09/2012 14:18

I feel for you but no OP I wouldn't leave them all night, they're too young.

Meiji · 07/09/2012 14:18

My parents left me and my sis for a night or two every week from about that age. The general circumstances were not OK and it was symptomatic of bigger problems, but the overnights in themselves were fine. If the children are sensible and know how to lock up and what to do in a fire/break-in/medical emergency, I don't see why a one-off is so terrible. After all, they can get married/join the Army at 16. (Not that I'd encourage either.)

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 07/09/2012 14:18

I was going to say No Way, but nearly 14 and nearly 12, and sensible, it seems not so bad as a one off as long as they were OK with it.

How easy would it be for you to get back if need be? Are you friendly with your neighbours? How absolutely vital is it that you go? And what on earth are you doing that would allow you to get back for 8am, but not in the early hours Confused

juneau · 07/09/2012 14:19

Don't they have friends they could go and stay with?

I think YABU to leave them alone - sorry. Isn't it illegal to leave children under 12 home alone?

NorbertDentressangle · 07/09/2012 14:19

No I wouldn't do it.

Either come back after the event or ask a favour of their friends parents as I'm sure they wouldn't mind helping you out (I know if a single parent asked me for help I would do it without a doubt!)

amck5700 · 07/09/2012 14:19

The scout as at age 12/13 although "alone" for the prurpose of obtaining their adventure (??) badge, in reality there is a leader camping within shouting distance.

If I counldn't beg any favours for babysitting then I would pull a sicky or go and not drink and drive home afterwards.

Startailoforangeandgold · 07/09/2012 14:20

Should add they have had hotel rooms to themselves twice this summer.
Shh, don't tell the Ibiza hotel, who must have known full well we weren't going to put an adult in each room with DCs that age.

ClippedPhoenix · 07/09/2012 14:20

Yes, OP why can't you go to the function and come back after. It really isn't necessary to stay all night there is it, if you're honest.

FrankWippery · 07/09/2012 14:21

Yeah, I would. If they are sensible I really cant see a huge problem. The night DD3 was born my older three were at home. They were then 12, 14 and 15.

FrankWippery · 07/09/2012 14:22

Juneau - it's not illegal to leave a child at home alone at any age.

OwlLady · 07/09/2012 14:22

Is it a function at a hotel, the hotel you will be staying at? could they not sleep in your room and then you sleep on the floor afterwards (comfy)

Tuttutitlookslikerain · 07/09/2012 14:23

No I wouldn't!

What if one of them gets ill and is chucking up all night? Or falls down the stairs? Or they have a big fight?

No way, there are too many things that could go wrong.