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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave an 11 and 13 year old home alone over night?

280 replies

MrsKLemon · 07/09/2012 14:03

I have a huge dilema. I have an overnight thing to go to which I thought was next friday. I'd arranged babysitters. Now I realise it's tonight. I can't get out of it without it causing a huge load of trouble and my babysitter is away this week. There is nobody else to lool after them.

They have been left home alone lots in the past, necessity as a working single mum. They are both happy left alone. They both have mobile phones. There are two house phones (upstairs and downstairs), they know the safety rules (no answering the door, telephone, no using kitchen appliances etc) and they have in the past been left home alone until 2am (accidental, car break down) and when I got home they were both fast asleep in bed. No problems.

It's a one off. AIBU to leave them alone all night? I have spoken to them about it, they're absolutely fine with it. I would have to leave at 6pm tonight and will be home about 8am.

Please don't flame me, just in a huge pickle here and looking for advice, not argument.

OP posts:
lighthousekeeping · 08/09/2012 09:55

I have read most of this. Did the OP ever say why she had to go and why she couldn't book them into a travel lodge? Why was it overnight? Was it a date or was it really work?

OnlyNiceSwearing · 08/09/2012 10:31

What did you do OP? I was a single parent for years, it can be a logistical nightmare. I was going to suggest you take them and let them stay in the hotel room, if that's the kind of event it was. Hope it worked out for you

tanteclaire · 08/09/2012 11:53

I just wouldn't, sorry, it's not the run of the mill stuff you need to worry about as I'm sure they are perfectly sensible and able to spend some time alone - but the freak one-off - a break-in, a fire, overnight when they are asleep. It is just not worth it in my view, sorry.

Margerykemp · 08/09/2012 12:26

but the risk of abduction by paedophiles hasnt increased since the 60s/70s/80s

but parents' behaviour has changed. why? the media?

I think it's a British thing rather then a class thing. British people are very risk adverse- we are massive buyers of insurance for example compared to other nations.

Maybe it's because we have fewer DCs and have them later in life.

Flojo1979 · 08/09/2012 13:21

I think the risk of abduction has increased.
Prisons are over run, they weren't in the 60s.
Population of adults has increased since the 60s and 70s so I'm sure the population of pedophiles has too.
Tho this would be way down on my list of concerns.
We could all use the attitude that a bad thing is not likely to happen, and leave our children home alone whatever their age.
Baby in a cot, pretty safe can't get out and hurt itself and what r the actual chances of the house burning down? U still wouldn't do it. And I personally wouldn't do it at 13 & 11, sensible or not, they r not adults.

StealthPolarBear · 08/09/2012 14:05

Folio if the population as a whole has increased then children are at no more harm from paedophiles than before

everlong · 08/09/2012 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zookeeper · 08/09/2012 21:37

There's a lot of naievety on this thread about Children's services and what might happen. They've got far bigger fish to fry than something like this.

zookeeper · 08/09/2012 21:38

Do people really get babysitters for thirteen year olds??

gymboywalton · 08/09/2012 22:45

my son is 12 and a half and i absolutely get baby sitters for him. he is not an adult .

valiumredhead · 08/09/2012 22:47

zoo no one I know does.

gym over night or for a couple of hours in the evenings?

trumpeter · 08/09/2012 22:50

No, at 13 my dd was the babysitter! Grin

Hulababy · 08/09/2012 22:56

I think a 13y is fine without a babysitter for a few hours, but still don't think they should be left overnight without an adult.

BackforGood · 09/09/2012 00:29

I agree with Hula - my 13 yr old has been left alone with my 11 yr old this evening while we went out, but there's no way I'd leave them overnight. It's hugely different.

Mrbojangles1 · 09/09/2012 08:46

My mother left me alone with my sister when she was 14 and i was 11 we had a massive fight she had be bf round wanted me to go to bed and i was all like no you camt tell me what to do

She locked me out of the house for 6 hours ( it was 10 at night btw) i ened up becoming very ill as you can imagain was spotted by a neighbou coming back from night shift stitting on the door step nearly passed out

My sister by them had fallen alseep they couldnt wake them up they had to take me to hospital they couldnt contact my mum ss and the police got invoved very messy

Dont do it

Mrbojangles1 · 09/09/2012 08:49

I would be more worried abou the older one not being able to take in hand the slighty younger one more than anything

MyOrangeDogShitsGoldMoney · 09/09/2012 09:16

A bit late to this and it's all a bit irrelevant to the OP now but when I was 9 and my sister was 13 my parents had to leave us overnight at a moments notice as my Nain had fallen ill. They just asked if we were ok with it then left when we said we were.

I can't remember whether they left us overnight again or not tbh but I'd got my first job by the time I was 14 so I certainly didn't need a babysitter!

Definitely depends on the child IMO.

Goldmandra · 09/09/2012 10:04

My daughter rode her bike yesterday without a helmet on for a few minutes because I couldn't find it. I shouldn't have let her do it but I trusted her to be extra careful and stay on the grass.

She didn't have an accident and end up with brain damage. That must mean that all children are always perfectly safe riding their bikes without helmets then Hmm

LondonMother · 09/09/2012 10:44

I don't think the risk is minimal when children are alone overnight. What if there was a fire or a break-in? What if one child became ill? When you do a risk assessment, you act on a potential risk if the consequences are so serious you can't leave yourself at that risk, even when the chances that it will happen are low. So you insure your flat or house even though hardly any burn down or fall down, because if you were the one in a million that did happen to you couldn't stand that loss. That's how I'd view this situation.

It's not something I would have contemplated doing, work commitment or no work commitment. Nothing to do with being a helicopter parent. My children are 20 and 18 now and that's a whole different ballgame from when they were 13 and 11, even though they were pretty sensible, responsible kids on the whole.

zookeeper · 09/09/2012 14:01

What a ridiculous way to live; on that basis I wouldn't let my child go to the shop because the risk of his getting run over/abducted/struck by lightning are minimal but the consequences are serious.

margerykemp · 09/09/2012 14:10

A parent being at home wont necessarily save a DC from a house fire though.

I train my DC in what to do if there is a fire at night. All parents should do this (say the fire brigade) as DC may need to fend for themselves, parents or not.

I dont see how parents can help in the event of a burglary either.

Goldmandra · 09/09/2012 14:13

zookeeper that is how we all live all the time. We compare the benefits of a situation with the level of risk and the potential consequences and decide which outweighs which.

There was a point where you didn't let your child go to the shop because the risks were too high and the potential consequences were too serious. He is obviously old enough now for you to feel that the benefits outweigh the risks.

Clearly the situation discussed on this thread is one of those occasions where people have differing opinions on the level of risk and the seriousness of the potential consequences.

catwoo · 09/09/2012 15:27

They are too young to be left overnight regardless of maturity.Have they each got a friend you could farm them out to.I wouldn't think twice about having a friend of my DC if there parents were in a bind.

mirry2 · 09/09/2012 15:32

We are all coming from our own particular circumstances. I live in large busy and anonymous city and don't know our neighbours and barely see them from one week to the next, so that may be why I would be more cautious about letting my young dc go to the local shop than if I lived in a small friendly community.

bunnywhack · 09/09/2012 16:18

nspcc guidelines are
children under the age of about 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time
children under the age of 16 should not be left alone overnight
babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone
Saying this i was left alone for about 6 hours a day every weekday during the school holidays from about the age of eight nothing happened to me other than extreme boredom friday evenings would be left with older brother 12 till midnight ish again nothing happened but the one time she popped out for a bit my brother had an accident with his zip blood everywhere. You just need to weigh up the pro's and cons