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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave an 11 and 13 year old home alone over night?

280 replies

MrsKLemon · 07/09/2012 14:03

I have a huge dilema. I have an overnight thing to go to which I thought was next friday. I'd arranged babysitters. Now I realise it's tonight. I can't get out of it without it causing a huge load of trouble and my babysitter is away this week. There is nobody else to lool after them.

They have been left home alone lots in the past, necessity as a working single mum. They are both happy left alone. They both have mobile phones. There are two house phones (upstairs and downstairs), they know the safety rules (no answering the door, telephone, no using kitchen appliances etc) and they have in the past been left home alone until 2am (accidental, car break down) and when I got home they were both fast asleep in bed. No problems.

It's a one off. AIBU to leave them alone all night? I have spoken to them about it, they're absolutely fine with it. I would have to leave at 6pm tonight and will be home about 8am.

Please don't flame me, just in a huge pickle here and looking for advice, not argument.

OP posts:
foronethreadonly · 07/09/2012 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IloveJudgeJudy · 07/09/2012 14:38

I have three teenage DC and I wouldn't leave two of them alone overnight. I'd be more likely to leave one of them alone than two of them together.

If I were the OP, I 'd ask someone to help you out. I'd be happy to do it, in an emergency like this. It wouldn't matter to me if you hadn't helped me out before. I see parental helping out like this as a circle. I help A, who helps B, who helps C, who helps D... I don't necessarily need/want to be helped back. I do think an 11 yo is a bit young to be left.

I would leave the 14 yo if they were OK with it, but probably ask the 11 yo to stay overnight at a friend's.

Please come back and tell us what you decide, OP.

imnotmymum · 07/09/2012 14:38

No sorry I would not do you have to stay if you be back by 8am there is no morning thing to attend??

FoxyRoxy · 07/09/2012 14:40

I was going to nightclubs when I was 14 and my parents left me and my brother over night when I was 15 and he was 12... But the difference between 13 and 15 is a lot. It's not about them behaving, what if there's a break in or one of them gets ill? I think 13 is too young to have to deal with those kinds of emergencies.

LadyKooKoo · 07/09/2012 14:40

Not overnight if under 16

StealthPolarBear · 07/09/2012 14:42

Hully, such interesting names :o

Sassybeast · 07/09/2012 14:42

If you can be back by 8am, then you can come back tonight. Not worth the risk.
Totally appreciate how hard it is a s a single parent but no job function in the world is worth the risks (however tiny they might be)
If you have a hotel room booked can't you bed them down there ?

Tuttutitlookslikerain · 07/09/2012 14:42

15 & 14 is a lot different to 11& 13!

I would be afraid that one of DC would be ill, or that someone would break in, or one of them would have an accident, that they would be scared.

11 is very young to be left all night with no adult supervision, and 13 is too young IMVHO to have the responsibility of looking after a younger child on their shoulders.

I would, also, think that if the teachers heard about it next week that the OP would be getting a visit from SS.

Paralympia · 07/09/2012 14:43

I'd rather my dd were home alone at 13 than dolled up to the nines and out at a nightclub.

thebeesnees79 · 07/09/2012 14:43

no way don't do it they are far too young!

Eastpoint · 07/09/2012 14:43

Do you have next door neighbours they could go to in an emergency? If a fire should break out, do they know what to do? What happens if you are in an accident & can't get home, what do they do then? I think the chances of something happening is very slight, but things DO happen unplanned.

I started off thinking YANBU but typing has made me think YABU. Sorry.

runningforme · 07/09/2012 14:45

I guess it depends on your child - only you can make the judgement call as to whether or not you think them ready for it.

But I wouldn't do it - and my kids are also very sensible. It's the thought of something going wrong outside of their control. And the responsibility of one child for another.

So, if I were in OP's situation, I'd try to find a friend or neighbour to look after them. If all that failed, I'd take them along and leave them in the hotel room. Or not attend the event. Work is not worth even 5 mins of that horrible dread in your stomach when you think something could be wrong (even when your head tells you you're possibly overreacting).....

tara0202 · 07/09/2012 14:46

When I was 16 I looked after my brother over night - he was 11. In the middle of the night the kitchen ceiling fell down! I am not joking. I nearly had a heart attack. I phoned my granny who lived 12 miles away who came over with my papa. Turns out there had been a big leak under the bath.

I hadn't a clue what to do and I was 16 not sure I'd have a clue what to do now and I am 34 but that's by the by

PostBellumBugsy · 07/09/2012 14:47

Sympathy MrsKLemon. I'm a single mum & this kind of thing causes me no end of angst (not to mention huge babysitting bills).

At the end of the day, you know your kids best. Mine are the same age as yours, but they would have kittens if I left them alone for the night, even though they are both hugely sensible. I don't think my two would come to any harm if I left them - but I would be so worried, I wouldn't be able to focus on anything at all. I will leave my two for an hour or two, but not longer than that & not overnight.
In your particular situation, I would go to the event, but I would not stay overnight. I would definitely come home.
However, if you and your kids are comfortable with it, then that is a decision only you can take. You won't be breaking any laws - it really is up to the 3 of you.
I hope whatever you decide it pans out ok.

imnotmymum · 07/09/2012 14:48

Sorry Tara but I am laughing, but you see OP things do happen!! What time would you get in if did not stop??

BackforGood · 07/09/2012 14:48

No, I wouldn't. Yes, I have dc of similar ages, and there's no way I'd leave them overnight without an adult.
My solution would be to ask their friends parents if they can kip down with them overnight - can't see it would be a problem, it's not like they'd need 'looking after' as in the other parents having to do anything for them, but at least they would technically be in the care of adults.

Tuttutitlookslikerain · 07/09/2012 14:53

Our kitchen ceiling fell down in the middle of the night when DH was down the Falklands! I was 33 and nearly shat the bed! Me and DS1 who was 9 at the time crept downstairs to see what had happened, carrying a camps of hairspray just incase it was a burglar so we could spray it in his eye!Hmm

If I had been 13 I would have had a heart attack!

valiumredhead · 07/09/2012 14:57

I was babysitting over night for children when I was 13. I think it depends if there are neighbours/family they can contact in an emergency, and how far away you will be and how easily you can get home.

Mama1980 · 07/09/2012 15:02

No way sorry.

Margerykemp · 07/09/2012 15:02

I'm quite surprised at the reactions on this thread.

These DCs are obviously used to a bit of alone time so the jump to overnight isn't so big. It would be different if they had never been left for short periods before.

AnuvvaMuvva · 07/09/2012 15:05

Advice is what you ask for when you know what to do but wish you didn't.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 07/09/2012 15:05

hairspray Grin

Seriously though, if there ceiling did fall down, what difference would it make if you were there or not?

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 07/09/2012 15:07

Oh tish tosh, AnuvvaMuvva.

Original poster
MrsKLemon · 07/09/2012 15:09

Ok got the youngest one looked after - just the 13 year old now.

Whenever I leave them I text them every 30 minutes to ask how they're getting on anyway. I always get a reply saying "fine" or occasionally "since 10 minutes when you last asked? we're FINE" lol

I honestly think they'd be fine. I just know it would be so looked down upon if it got out.

OP posts:
Hullygully · 07/09/2012 15:10

down the Falklands