To leave an 11 and 13 year old home alone over night?

[MrsKLemon]

I have a huge dilema. I have an overnight thing to go to which I thought was next friday. I'd arranged babysitters. Now I realise it's tonight. I can't get out of it without it causing a huge load of trouble and my babysitter is away this week. There is nobody else to lool after them.

They have been left home alone lots in the past, necessity as a working single mum. They are both happy left alone. They both have mobile phones. There are two house phones (upstairs and downstairs), they know the safety rules (no answering the door, telephone, no using kitchen appliances etc) and they have in the past been left home alone until 2am (accidental, car break down) and when I got home they were both fast asleep in bed. No problems.

It's a one off. AIBU to leave them alone all night? I have spoken to them about it, they're absolutely fine with it. I would have to leave at 6pm tonight and will be home about 8am.

Please don't flame me, just in a huge pickle here and looking for advice, not argument.

The event is work related, only on once, my name is down - i'll be in the shit if I pull out this late

Won't your employer understand if you tell them you had a child care crisis and couldn't leave your children?

I wouldn't leave a 11yo and a 13yo overnight in order to keep my employer happy.

I wouldn't do it.

My smoke alarm has gone off in the early hours of the morning several times this summer. All false alarms, but it terrified my 11 yr old.

Just had another look and you're absolutely right post/talkin -

Mind you a boy was left on his own upstairs from me rather a lot over night, he was probably 10ish though and SS got involved.

Frankwhippery what I meant was that if a tragedy happened the op is likely to be held responsible and be prosceuted. Maybe I'm wrong about that but it was the reason I have never left my young dc home alone at night.

I was left alone with my brother (four years younger) from the age of about twelve. We used to be allowed to rent a film and buy sweets and being our duvets downstairs, we thought it was great and nothing ever happened. My parents were usually home in the early hours though so I suppose it wasn't a full overnight, next morning scenario.

I would also get myself up and off to school by that age as my parents started work v early. Again, fine.

My are currently 3 and 1 so I can't really imagine them at that age and say what I would do but it happened wey often in my house growing up and I'm still here, relatively unscathed.

11 and 13 is not "young"
11 and 13 is secondary age - out the door on their own to school at 8am and home some time around 4
11 and 13 is the age most of us were left to roam the streets of our home towns without mobile phones or CCTV to stop us looking out for ourselves
if 11 and 13 is to young to let them be grown up just once FFS when IS the right age?
No wonder Universities get so pissed off with helicopter parents.

I doubt it very much mirry. If that's the case you can apply that rule to anything. 10 years ago a friend's child fell off a climbing frame and died - was she to blame for letting her child go to the play park? No, of course not.

If someone leaves a 6 and 8 year old at home overnight, then of course that is irresponsible. If one feels that their 11 year old and almost 14 year old are sensible enough to be left, then I imagine they are. If they were badly behaved, irresponsible children then no one in their right mind would leave them alone.

Exactly TalkinPeace. The amount of parents I know who do all but wipe their 15 year old's arse is astonishing. It's pretty sad really that they are bringing up a bunch of children who have little understanding or ability to get on in the real world.

I don't think it's too young. Years ago I had a babysitter for my two (11 and 9) and she was 13 and recommended by the aunt we were staying with.

Out of interest - those of you who are jumping up and down about SS and the police... are your kids the same age as the OPs or younger?

Talkinpeace this is nothin to do with helecopter parents. University students are adults. 11 and 13 year olds are not - they are classifed as children and if , god forbid, there is a fire at home or something similar, there will be hell to pay for the absent parent. It is down to the parents to make a risk asessment about leaving them overnight. I'm just saying I wouldn't. I don't want to get into an argument about this. You can do and think what you like.

Mirry
there will be hell to pay for the absent parent
UTTER CRAP
If the parents had made reasonable precautions, accidents are accidents.

How old are your kids?

I wouldn't leave them overnight (mine are the same age). I am a slack parent and mine roam freely round Paris on their own/with friends/together and get themselves out to Disney/the suburbs on the train. I will happily leave them for an evening if we are going out to dinner/cinema, even if we don't get back until around 0200, but not overnight.

I had a similar dilemma to you earlier this week (DH away) and just grovelled to their friends' parents for a mid week sleepover. Could you do this?

Can't children leave home at 16? So according to NSPCC guidelines, the night before your sixteenth birthday you cannot be left alone but the next morning you could pack your bags and move out? That seems a little ott.

Talkinpeace it is not crap. I suspect you haven't had much involvement with child protection?
I'm going to hide this thread now because it's a stupid argument.

Mirry you are talking utter bollocks.

I dont see how overnight is more dangerous than being left for the same number of hours in the daytime. Can someone please explain this logic to me?

I would think night time is safer because DCs will be asleep in bed most of the time, there are less likely to be callers at the door or phone, the burglar alarm will be on etc.

Plus there sre 2 of them so they are not alone alone.

As they are so responsible, and provided they are good sleepers with no medical issues, I might consider it. Mine are 13 and 10 and always sleep right through - not that I have left them overnight. On the other hand could be a good excuse to get out of a ghastly works do ! Or each to a different friends house on an emergency sleep-over ?

Doesn't the 13 year old have a mate who's house he could sleep at? I would be cheeky and ask for that as huge favour in your shoes, with the promise of returning the favour at any time the other parent wanted me to in the future. If I was asked I would say yes to this.

You haven't said what the work event is or why it means you will be out all night (?), can you not drive home afterwards??

Oh, and if I did I might try to be back before 8 just to be sure I was there before they woke up ?

I wouldn't, but only because I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my DS11.

MargeryKemp, I wouldn't leave mine for 12 odd hours during the day either - but that is because mine wouldn't like it & because I'd worry too much. I don't think this is a night or day thing, for me it is the length of time.

I would but, not together. What about when you go into labour at 3am like another poster. My sister has been training her 12 year old and two younger sisters for the past few weeks. What else can you do? I was sleeping over and looking after a 7 and 8 year old every other weekend at 13 and I loved it!!!

Talkin - there is a MASSIVE difference between an 18 yr old going off to University, and an 11 yr old. So massive, it's just not comparable.

I would leave them overnight, you know your own kids and I'm sure you wouldn't consider it if you thought there would be a problem. I've left my dd overnight a few times since she was 15, never been a problem.