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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to reject Pink Barbie bike for DDs birthday

249 replies

LazyMornings · 04/09/2012 00:12

I'm opposed to the whole pink/princess/barbie thing. My brother knows this and still, he just picked up a fecking Barbie bike to give to her on my daughter's birthday.

I don't want my daughter to even see it. She's also still very happy with her old bike. I am hurt that knowing how I feel about it, my brother chose that bike. I know he will be very offended if we don't accept it. Thoughts?

OP posts:
Anonymumous · 05/09/2012 17:10

I'm sorry, but I think it's the Mums who are giving these messages to their children. It never, ever occurred to me that I would need long, blonde hair and big tits to be successful in life. Why would it? It was my MUM who dinned it into me that working hard and passing exams was the key to a successful life. She didn't wear make-up or have her hair or nails done, so I didn't either. But I still adored making over my dolls and doing their hair - they were my toys and that was what I liked doing. If my Mum had ranted endlessly about pernicious pink toys, I would probably have felt obliged not to ask for pink, sparkly, girlie things, but it wouldn't have stopped me from secretly wanting them. Which is sad. Not to mention that going on about it puts the whole idea of "role models" into a child's head in the first place and makes them look around for someone to emulate. I never wanted to be anyone else but me.

P.S. Hear, hear Midget!

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 05/09/2012 17:19

There is a certain, interesting flavour to this thread. "Ranting" caught my eye. I am not joyless, I don't rant to DD about this. Interesting that the pernicious, disempowering myths about feminists/ism have crept in. I don't want to force DD to agree with me, nor do I expect every woman to make the same choices as me.

As I said, DD wanted a toy kitchen, she has one. She wanted a baby doll, a family member bought one and DD had it in her crib last night. All I want is for her to have choices, to have the rainbow. I go into a lot of toy shops and Lego is for boys, blocks are for boys, Meccano is for boys, decent bikes are for boys, balls are for boys and the girls' aisle is a sea of pink with make-up, jewelry, anatomically weird dolls, nothing building or sciency or educational or fast or loud or FUN.

nickelcognito · 05/09/2012 17:21

oh, no, MrsT - the giels can have science!
they can make soaps and jewellery and perfume and lipbalm

Hmm
nickelcognito · 05/09/2012 17:22

(glad to see the dinosaurs and ant farm in there though! Grin )

lurkerspeaks · 05/09/2012 17:22

I couldn't agree more.

I refuse to buy pink shit for small girls (or actually even quite expensive pink stuff). Sometimes I think I'm depriving them to suit my principles but I can't bring myself to part with my cash.

I just bought some duplo and even it was available in 'girls colours'. FFS. Duplo designed for 1.5 year olds.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 05/09/2012 17:24

nickel I think they can also make bath bombs if, you know, they are REALLY clever and sciency.

DD loves her dinosaur. I get RAAAWWWWRRed at all the time.

Anonymumous · 05/09/2012 17:25

Quote: "I go into a lot of toy shops and Lego is for boys, blocks are for boys, Meccano is for boys, decent bikes are for boys, balls are for boys and the girls' aisle is a sea of pink with make-up, jewelry, anatomically weird dolls, nothing building or sciency or educational or fast or loud or FUN."

But are the aisles actually labelled as "Girls' toys" and "Boys' toys", or is that in fact just your own prejudice at work?

nickelcognito · 05/09/2012 17:26

am also impressed with this party bag that's labelled science party bag for girls.
nice and normal

nickelcognito · 05/09/2012 17:27

actually, the whole company seems to have got it right

a good mix of stuff in there.

SoleSource · 05/09/2012 17:28

Yabu one Barbie thing will not kill her.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 05/09/2012 17:28

I think all the girls and boys on the boxes are a bit of a giveaway but maybe they are all transgender and I am imagining it. Also, the make-up and jewelry is traditionally female, and all the female fucking Princesses characters. Maybe I am imagining it though. Oh, and I linked to Mattel's website earlier. Clearly labelled, 'Boys" and 'Girls'. I am hallucinating a lot, aren't I?

nickelcognito · 05/09/2012 17:29

Anonymumous
actually labelled in most places.

except those that have been campaigned about.

and even if they're not in-store, then check out the websites for those companies - they're quite clearly segregated.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 05/09/2012 17:31

nickel they are good. A mixture is great.

Floggingmolly · 05/09/2012 17:34

I'm trying to educate a child on certain values. Don't be so pompous, ffs, it's a pink bike. For a 6 year old. Get a GRIP.

(What values will be denigrated by a pink Barbie bike, just for the sheer entertainment value???)

FarloWearsAGoldRibbon · 05/09/2012 17:38

Oh, that 'science for girls' thing makes my blood boil Angry. I remember DD coming home from nursery crying that the boys told her she was stupid for wanting to play with cars with them and didn't she know they were for boys only. It's amazing how young these bloody messages seep in.

Anonymumous · 05/09/2012 17:39

But there is NOTHING to stop you buying boys' toys for girls if you want to! That's what I mean - it's YOUR prejudice that makes you think you can't buy a pink bath bomb kit for a boy or an apparently male-oriented Lego kit for a girl. If I wanted to buy my daughter a science kit, I'd go to the toy shop and buy her a science kit - it wouldn't bother me in the slightest if it has a picture of a boy on the front. What does it matter? Why would your child care unless you've brought them up to be ridiculously picky about packaging?

(Think DS1 would love a pink bath bomb kit actually...!)

nickelcognito · 05/09/2012 17:40

smyths toys website doesn't seem to have a Boys or Girls category
(on the home page, haven't gone in further into the age categories)

nickelcognito · 05/09/2012 17:43

Anony - no, it's not our prejudice - it's the companies' and the other parents'.

they quite clearly give the message that boys' and girls' toys are different.
hence Farlo's nursery-age girl coming home in tears because the prejudice had already been sown.
hence DD getting called a "boy" on a daily basis because she's not wearing pink. why, because she's got short hair? no, because she's wearing Boys' clothes. she's not even 9months old, FGS. she looks like a baby , not a boy or girl.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 05/09/2012 17:45

We are talking about other people buying her stuff. Of course I buy DD whatever looks good to her and me in the shop. Last few things have been plastic animals, some weird fish puzzle which I can't do but seems to give her no problems a pink dolly bought by DH but with my grudging consent Grin, a bubble machine, that's about it.

However, marketing does work. As others have said, they start saying that they can't play with cars or they can't have a dolly because those things are girls' or boys'. If advertising didn't work, they wouldn't spend millions on it. Why can't they lump all the toys in together, put a mixture of genders on the boxes and let DD and all the other children decide for themselves. And, ban pink and Disney Princesses because I hate them.

nickelcognito · 05/09/2012 17:50

I think i will buy toys from Smyths.

i am very very impressed with the way that the toys are divided by category of toy and not category of sex.

FarloWearsAGoldRibbon · 05/09/2012 17:52

The problem (as illustrated in my last post) is peer pressure. You can buy them the best of both all you like and whilst in your own house they are fine and happy playing with the unicorn going for a ride on the train set, but the problem is when they interact with others, then they get teased for playing with the 'wrong' toys. It is amazing the effect of peer pressure on kids and how easily it can over-ride good parenting messages because that is how kids manage to make interactions work and avoid bullying in the playground.

nickelcognito · 05/09/2012 17:56

but the peer pressure comes sfrom the parents of those children, not the children themselves.

so, if I made DD dress in pink and only allowed her dolls, and didn't let her play with the boys next door's nikes, swingball, water pistols, lego etc, then i'm telling her that boys and girls have different toys.

same as if the boys next door were told by their parents that they must only play football or their other toys above, and if they wore something pink or had a baking set or a pink apron etc, or a doll, that they would not be manly, then they will take that into their nurseries schools etc.

it's when boys are practically bullied into believing that boys mustn't have pink or dolls, that they are bullies to other children who don't conform. because otherwise , they would think that their parents were wrong, and parents are gods in the eyes of small children.

Anonymumous · 05/09/2012 17:56

But then you just tell them that of course girls can play with cars - women drive cars, don't they? Or of course boys can play with dolls - Daddies play with their children, don't they? You take the opportunity to educate your children when the need arises and make them realise that the other children are being silly. You don't give in and say, "Yes, they're right, stop playing with cars", do you?!

nickelcognito · 05/09/2012 18:01

yes, we do, but the boys won't accept that "my dad says" etc.

you can tell your own girls or boys, but you can't control what other people's girls and boys are taught.

FarloWearsAGoldRibbon · 05/09/2012 18:02

Sorry, I didn't mean that was a reason to give in, it was intended as a response to those saying pink/gender specific toys is only a problem if you rant about it at home to your own child.