Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to reject Pink Barbie bike for DDs birthday

249 replies

LazyMornings · 04/09/2012 00:12

I'm opposed to the whole pink/princess/barbie thing. My brother knows this and still, he just picked up a fecking Barbie bike to give to her on my daughter's birthday.

I don't want my daughter to even see it. She's also still very happy with her old bike. I am hurt that knowing how I feel about it, my brother chose that bike. I know he will be very offended if we don't accept it. Thoughts?

OP posts:
Kirk1 · 05/09/2012 01:39

Anonymumous I don't believe there is any conspiracy, at least not consciously by anyone. There is, however, still a tradition - an attitude. We buy into it subconsciously because it's based on a division of labour that has worked for countless generations. It's not going to change unless it gets pointed out and challenged.

That is my tired version of the argument that sounded awesome in my head...

hippermiddleton · 05/09/2012 09:10

Does your brother have children? Because these are arguments that simply wouldn't occur to my DB - he may even just have asked the sales assistant which was 'the best bike for a 6 year old girl?' and handed over his card, pleased that he'd got her something she'd like.

lljkk · 05/09/2012 09:59

Boycotting all that sounds like rather hard work, TerryOrange. I guess you ban your kids from having any of it, too, no McDs or Cocacola etc.? How long do you expect to keep that up for?

I feel sure the brother knew precisely what he was doing when he chose the bike. Knows his DSis well. I know a fellow mischief-maker when I see one.

i want to know how many of you who shun pink Princess images also

  • Shave your legs
  • Wear make up
  • Wear perfume marketed to women
  • Sniff at women who don't wear make up, don't shave or otherwise "Let themselves go"
  • Choose a title on forms such as Ms or Miss or anything other than "Other"
  • Partake in S&B threads about the appearance of women-specific clothing

Wouldn't all that be buying into stereotyping/divide of the genders crap, too, How can it be anything else?

  • I suppose unless you have a husband like mine who shaves his own legs (cyclist).
badtime · 05/09/2012 10:40

I haven't read the whole thread, but YANBU.

I despair at the way in which people have internalised the colour-coded, gender-specific-toy marketing bull. Pink is fine as a colour, for girls or boys. When everything is pink for one set of small people, that is not fine (enjoy having to buy everything again for your future DSs so they won't turn out 'girly', folks!)

I'm sure someone has brought this up already, but the gender colours were only introduced in the late Victorian era (prior to this, basically all young children, male and female, had usually worn white or neutral smocks (i.e. dresses)). Many people believe that this prescribed distinction was a reaction to the increased visibility and power of women in society. The current colour coding was not established until the mid-20th century.

Barbie is not a good role model.

And all the peple who are saying that it is up to the child - really? You allow your DC whatever they want? You allow them to eat whatever they want? Drink whatever they want? Go wherever they want? The OP has every right to provide guidance to her daughter.

And people who are saying she is ungrateful - her brother got something he knew she disapproved of. He is either thoughtless or trying to wind her up. I don't see why the OP should pretend that it's fine.

Anonymumous · 05/09/2012 10:55

Barbie is a DOLL. Much as I loved my dolls as a child, I can honestly say that it never, ever occurred to me to look up to them as 'role models'. Confused

badtime · 05/09/2012 11:11

Anonymumous, my comment was slightly facetious.

However, Barbie is a character, and a silly, frivolous one at that.

Your comment about 'role models' seems somewhat naive. Role models are not just the people we consciously want to be like. We are influenced by our environment, including things like (heavily marketed) 'girly' interpretations of femininity, without knowing it.

Hey kids, you could have a fabulous lifestyle as a [whatever sort of Barbie] too! But first, get your tits done and bleach your waist-length hair!!

nickelcognito · 05/09/2012 12:37

" want to know how many of you who shun pink Princess images also

  • Shave your legs
  • Wear make up
  • Wear perfume marketed to women
  • Sniff at women who don't wear make up, don't shave or otherwise "Let themselves go"
  • Choose a title on forms such as Ms or Miss or anything other than "Other"
  • Partake in S&B threads about the appearance of women-specific clothing"

it's not about the clothes.
well, actually, in some respects it is - women have fought quite hard over the years to have freedom of dressing, too.
only a century ago, women who wore trousers were looked on very harshly.
you know what, even Amelia Bloomer and her cycling trousers were criticized because it meant that women would ride bicycles astride instead of a bike being developed to take her side saddle.
ie: they're not ladylike.
corsets were also a bind - even flappers wore corsets to maintain their "boyish" shape - it wasn't "oh, waistlines have dropped let's get rid of the corset.
no, a woman who didn't wear a corset was seen as a floozy and a hussy, if not a slut
and even better, someone invented a self-lacing corset (using elastic as the laces) and they were widely dissed because a woman could have an affair if she wore one because the OM wouldn't have to worry about lacing it the same way as her husband did in the morning! (see, under the rule of men, and if a woman didn't do what her husband wanted, the she must be doing it to have an affair or other such unladylike behaviours)

Paul Poiret designed the hobble dress in the 1910s - it was one of the first garments that went against the whole ethos of the corset and won.
his famous quote "i've freed the breast but shackled the legs!" (said with regret, for a change)

women were still wearing corsets proper throughout the first world war when they were working in the munitions factories.

women still had to fight for the right to vote after all the work they'd done in the war to keep the fighting going.
and they weren't allowed to wear trousers to work until the 2nd world war, and that was only because they fought hard to get it recognised that wearing skirts in factories and on farms was a bad idea safety wise.

shaving - armpits were first shaved in the 20s, when women wore those flapper dresses with no arms for the first time - it was seen as unladylike and uncooth to have personal hair showing, so they shaved them.
something else dictated to them by men.

  • Shave your legs
  • Wear make up
  • Wear perfume marketed to women
  • Sniff at women who don't wear make up, don't shave or otherwise "Let themselves go"
  • Choose a title on forms such as Ms or Miss or anything other than "Other

I don't shave my legs
i don't wear makeup (except when I want to go out and then it's very heavy - I was a glam rocker and goth in my youth, and all the men also wore heavy makeup and looked good in it)
I don't wear perfume.
I am a Ms, not because I don't want people to know I'm a married/unmarried, but because I'm proud of the fact I am a woman, and therefore want people to address me as such.

nickelcognito · 05/09/2012 12:41

I'm a Scientist by education.
but I also sew, I love history, my favourite game/toy is my lego (and I hate that stupid new "Friends" lego Hmm), I used to climb trees, play with dolls, ride bikes with low crossbars, wear skirts, dresses, run, jump and skip, do gymnastics, play musical instruments, sing, tap dance, play football, look after hamsters and fish, dress up, read, make dens, camp out, make things out of wood, collect cuddly toys,... oooh, look, I did lots of things that children like to do, not just girls, not just boys, but children
why should it make a jot of difference whether you have a penis or a vagina?

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 05/09/2012 14:33

lljkk that's two posts checking people's feminist credentials. I answered your 'boycott' post, you were sniffy about my replies, I can't be arsed to answer your 'personal grooming' one except to say that I would NEVER refer to a woman letting herself go yuk to that phrase and I wouldn't 'ban' DD from Coke or McDonald's. I'm not bloody stupid. Although, she already turns her nose up at string cheese and junk because she doesn't like it so maybe I will be lucky.

I think you believe we are very extreme. 'Banning' things. I really wouldn't mind a balance, DD has a play kitchen and a couple of 'baby' dolls, but this shit is everywhere and there is no balance without fighting it.

chandellina · 05/09/2012 14:47

I totally agree with mrsterry for all the reasons she said it's not just a bike. I think I would probably accept it and then shortly after donate it somewhere. I'd tell b it broke.

aufaniae · 05/09/2012 14:49

"Boycotting all that sounds like rather hard work" well yes, sometimes it can be, but usually it's not as hard as you might imagine. And your point is?

"I guess you ban your kids from having any of it, too, no McDs or Cocacola etc.? How long do you expect to keep that up for?"

I haven't set foot in a McDonald's or other burger place in over 2 decades apart from to use the toilet I'm hardly going to start now I have DCs!
And I never buy coke-type drinks.

I expect my DCs will go to McDs and have coke with their friends, but it's certainly not something they'll get from me or their dad.

Also I'm curious - your example "* Sniff at women who don't wear make up, don't shave or otherwise "Let themselves go""

Do you "sniffing" at other women in this way is the norm?

lljkk · 05/09/2012 14:49

I think OP wanted feedback about her line of logic, is it wrong to ask why boycott Barbie if you don't boycott other gender-prejudiced behaviour & products, what is the difference, why draw the line at one thing & not others? And are these sustainable ideals (hence my comment about hard work)?

I don't know why OP even asked, if she doesn't like it just chuck it. Have the courage of your convictions, who cares about the Jury of MN?

Well, as an eco-freak, I'd like to see her donate rather than chuck it, maybe to the school raffle. A lot of happiness could be brought into somebody else's life with that item.

aufaniae · 05/09/2012 14:50

Sorry, should have said "Do you think "sniffing" at other women in this way is the norm?"

lljkk · 05/09/2012 15:07

It's pretty obvious that many, maybe most people in our society are obsessed with appearances, especially women's.

EdithWeston · 05/09/2012 15:08

I'm just wondering what would be the consensus on this thread had the OP been asking what to do if, despite a clear explanation to her DB that she did not want any toy guns in her house, he had bought one for the DC.

EmmaBemma · 05/09/2012 15:20

ha ha ha! I can't stop laughing at that "Hitler bike" mental image. With stabilisers and those pom-poms on the handles.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 05/09/2012 15:20

Well ljkk being an eco-freak you must believe that making an effort to achieve something important even when other people don't care or make the effort is important. You chose the planet, we chose the people that live on it. Just different, very important reasons to make an effort.

As for hard work, I find it quite easy to avoid McDonald's and Coke.

nickelcognito · 05/09/2012 15:36

lljkk - maybe she was trying to open a dialogue - to highlight the problem with Men assuming that they know best as usual, as history shows.

There's no point standing on a soap box in your own living room.

nickelcognito · 05/09/2012 15:40

Edith - i would hope that it would be the same - If you don't want your child to have weapons of war, then you should have every right to request that they are not given to your children.

why does that seem such a hard thing to ask?
why should it be poo-pooed?

what if the person liked to call black people nasty names? does that mean that the parent has to allow it to happen?
what if the person wanted make nasty comments about disabled people?
again, is that okay because she should lighten up because it's their choice, not hers?
what if that person wanted to give a vegetarian child meat? that's okay too, i suppose, because the parent is dictating what the child should eat?

what about if that person thought children should be smacked? they're okay to smack the parent's child because that's their right to?

anything else we can think of, that a person other than the child's parent should be allowed to dictate, just because they hold different opinions and ideals to the parent?

lljkk · 05/09/2012 15:41

Um, so the whole point of the thread was for OP to promote her vision of how the rest of us should think?

Well, damn, why didn't you say so to start with? I would have hidden thread earlier along with the rest of Radical Feminism evangelical tripe.

nickelcognito · 05/09/2012 15:51

that's not what I said.

i said it was to open a dialogue.
for the OP to say "i believe this, what do you think?"

I agree with her because I'm not a Stepford twat.

Flimflammery · 05/09/2012 15:56

YANBU. To all the posters saying what's wrong with pink - it's not just pink, it's Barbie ffs!

I hate, loathe and detest Barbie - sexualized and unattainable body image for little girls. Why has she got huge tits, a tiny waist and ridiculously long legs? She can't even stand up properly ffs! I've very reluctantly let my DD have some Barbie dolls as she begged for one for Christmas, but I've recently been looking for a new school backpack for her and all I can find is Barbie, Disney Princess, Strawberry Shortcake or Hello Kitty. Bleurgh! It's not just the pink, it's the image they project. At least Dora the Explorer is active and exciting, not just about being pretty, but sadly DD is past the Dora stage.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 05/09/2012 16:28

lljkk I don't understand why you are so against this. You have your own ethics with environmentalism, why is it hard to understand this for us? If your DB wanted to give your DC My Little Oil Refinery with Happy Workers would you be happy about that? What about all that plastic crap made in China full of lead, do you love your DCs getting that for Christmas? You mentioned McDonald's. What about their environmental record?

Midgetm · 05/09/2012 16:44

Blimey. I am a feminist. I've been known to care what my fanjo looks like, wear heels and makeup. I use words and actions to help shape my DD's values, not bits of plastic. I would think that the fact that I have an equal and loving relationship and earn more money than my partner will do more to educate her about women's roles than any toys she may or may not have. But I would expect her to value me just as much if I were a SAHM doing most of the domestic stuff. Because I teach her we are free to make out own choices, the only thing that is important is if we are happy. I allow her to have freedom of expression and choice even if that is pink crap. To some degree We can control the exposures out children get to the evil marketing machine when yet are this young, and their tastes shift and change as they grow. Hoisting your own tastes in toys is both unreasonable and ungrateful. If I returned every present I didn't like DD would have fuck all. I'd be happy and my house would be tidier though so maybe it's worth considering. What is important here is what the child wants. The bike isn't like giving her whiskey or a date with hitler so let her make her own choices. Presents should bring joy, if it brings her joy, great, if it doesn't then take it back. Not really that complicated.

Swipe left for the next trending thread