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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to reject Pink Barbie bike for DDs birthday

249 replies

LazyMornings · 04/09/2012 00:12

I'm opposed to the whole pink/princess/barbie thing. My brother knows this and still, he just picked up a fecking Barbie bike to give to her on my daughter's birthday.

I don't want my daughter to even see it. She's also still very happy with her old bike. I am hurt that knowing how I feel about it, my brother chose that bike. I know he will be very offended if we don't accept it. Thoughts?

OP posts:
MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 05/09/2012 18:02

I think that actually, a lot of the issue is more with the boys than the girls. Girls are given a shitty message but I think boys are given a worse one. At least girls can wear jeans and it is not seem as bad and wrong for them. They are pigeon-holed but what happens with boys is worse. They are actively told, frequently by their DFs, that pink is wrong, dressing up is wrong and being a girl is weak and pathetic. Caring for dollies is wrong, cooking and cleaning are wrong. 'You throw like a girl', 'screamed like a girl', all messages that boys are given.

A girl can want to do traditional boy things, she is a tomboy. If a boy tries the same...

FarloWearsAGoldRibbon · 05/09/2012 18:05

Absolutely, I only have a DD so tend to focus on girls, but I do feel desperately sorry for boys who can't express anything other than the macho stereotype. Even in my friends I know people who have refused to let their boys have a baby doll when they have been begging for one Sad.

FarloWearsAGoldRibbon · 05/09/2012 18:05

And I hate so much that 'like a girl' is an insult Angry Sad.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 05/09/2012 18:09

Along with being gay, being disabled = being bad. It's rotten the message some kids are getting. Sad

Anonymumous · 05/09/2012 18:10

Who cares what the other children think? Give your child a reasonable , logical argument to stand up to the other children with (i.e. women drive, so why shouldn't girls play with cars?) and maybe the other children will also learn to think for themselves. (Actually I would probably tell DC that if so-and-so's Dad says that, then he must be a bit of a thickie, and then my DC would probably pass that on to the other child. Hey-ho!)

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 05/09/2012 18:12

Who cares what other children think? Children do. That's the problem.

Anonymumous · 05/09/2012 18:17

I'd quite like my children to learn NOT to care what other people think. To realise that anyone who judges them for not conforming to stereotypes isn't someone they should be bothered about anyway. The sooner they learn that the better as far as I'm concerned!

FarloWearsAGoldRibbon · 05/09/2012 18:19

I do give her logical arguments, and use situations to teach her about prejudices, I am lucky that DD is such a strong confident girl and can generally stand up for herself, but it doesn't stop it being a problem for girls that they are likely to encounter these situations and that if they are seen as too 'odd' they will experience social exclusion.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 05/09/2012 18:21

Easier said than done. Peer pressure is massive influence on children and teens. The more research that gets done, the more the influence is shown to be massive. Of course, we should all try to encourage our children to plow their own furrow but we are, in our make-up, just bright apes. Our genes/brain chemistry/basic biology tells us to fit in and conform. You are fighting evolution here!

Anonymumous · 05/09/2012 18:24

I was that 'odd, socially excluded' girl. As a result I am the nicest person I know, because I have gone to extraordinary lengths not to be like the bitches at school. Grin Sometimes it's not a bad thing to be excluded from the nastier, more warped parts of society...

thepeoplesprincess · 05/09/2012 18:27

I wear make up and perfume, and shave my legs and ladygarden..... but I'm also celibate. So it's all for me.

What does that make me then?

FarloWearsAGoldRibbon · 05/09/2012 18:28

Well, yes, I was odd and socially excluded too, and it has some benefits I suppose, but I wouldn't say I was unscathed by it either. Personally I would prefer it if DD could tread an easier, happier path.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 05/09/2012 20:19

to all the socially excluded people. There is some research to suggest that social exclusion at school leads to less risky behaviour regarding drugs and sex. My theory is that kids know that no amount of crystal meth is going to make you popular if you're not so why bother. The popular kids have to 'keep up' with their peers.

holyfishnets · 05/09/2012 20:24

Just accept it and when she outgrows it get a different color?

Hulababy · 05/09/2012 20:30

Only Mn do people worry about such things so much!!!
Really - it's a bike. It's pink. It has the image of a plastic doll on it.
Hmmm - no, even with all the links and everything else - it's a pink bike. Hey ho!

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 05/09/2012 20:41

Are Golliwogs just dolls? I'm curious.

aufaniae · 05/09/2012 20:50

This thread reminded me of Golliwogs also MrsT.

nickelcognito · 05/09/2012 21:52

I wanted to mention them earlier!

True true about boys getting it worse. Poor dh can't quite get his head around boys and dolls yet.
I keep reminding him that the reason women tend to be better quicker at childcare is because of playing with dolls. Therefore I would want any son of mine to play with dolls to learn all that stuff.

chandellina · 05/09/2012 21:58

Whoa nickel, where did that come from? Are women actually better quicker at childcare? Or do women just get more on the job practice because men leave them to it?

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 05/09/2012 22:35

DD has childcare with a boy. It is so adorable. She has a dolly that she likes to play with beat against chairs. When they go to playgroup he gets two prams so that they can push their dollies around together. He gets quite upset if she isn't 100% committed to it.

I mentioned golliwogs because a lot of people recognise that they are racist. There are a stereotype (check Barbie), they are 'just dolls' (check Barbie), their name is synonymous with a bad word for a person from that group (check Barbie), they are anatomically 'wrong' but an insulting physical analogue for a group of people (check Barbie). And, if your white relative bought one for your black child when he knew you didn't like them, you would be allowed to dislike this (for some reason not check Barbie).

honeytea · 06/09/2012 08:56

I wish I had been allowed to have barbies and I wish I was educated as to how to do make up and be girlie because then I would have a choice. When I wear makeup I look like a cross between a clown and a goth (I am usually going for a natural polished look.)

nickelcognito · 06/09/2012 09:34

chandelina - "tend to be" is what I said - women have been shown to be better at getting on with it, and not having that "ooh, i don't know what to do" thing that men seem to have because the baby concept isn't alien to them, because they're more likely to have played with dolls as children.

same way that a child who has climbed trees will be more willing to get up a ladder as an adult, or walk along a high gang-plank, or (as I seem to do a lot) walk along the edge of the roof to check out the state of the tiles from the outside, without fear of falling.

same way that a child that has learned how to change a plug will be more likely to try to solve an electrical problem, such as changing a fuse in the fusebox, or change a socket plate.

same way that a child who has learned to cook will be more capable of cooking a meal for themselves when they leave home.

same way that a child who has played with lego will be more likely to be able to solve mathematical and geometric problems, because they've learned how to visualize and solve 3D puzzles.

It doesn't matter if you're a boy or a girl for any of these, i justmeant that in the past, it's traditionally been a girl's toy - which is why lots of men today don't know where to start when faced with a baby.
If boys play with dolls, then they will become much surer of where to start as adults.

nickelcognito · 06/09/2012 09:37

honeytea - i think a Girl's World would have taught you makeup more than a teeny tiny barbie.
I didn't have one. i put on makeup like a clown/goth too, but i like it that way.

You can learn how to put on makeup as an adult - no reason why not.
I can't draw or paint, thoguh, so i think that's an influence of any precision I might need.

I had Sindy, and I made very small clothes for her.

honeytea · 06/09/2012 09:56

I think the problem with makeup is I am a little too creative and havn't got the hang of the less is more theory ;)

I am expecting a boy and I just can't see the issue with pink, we bought most of the clothes in sales/second hand before we found out we were having a boy, I have some lovely flowery romper suits and pink babygrows my DP says he will not dress ds in them but realistically it will be me dressing ds most days so he will be in pink. I would have also dressed a girl in pink, along with lots of other colours. I wouldn't choose to buy very sexualised or violent toys for either sex but if they were bought for them i wouldn't throw them away, i think it is bad to teach a child to outright reject a part of popular culture.

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