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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to reject Pink Barbie bike for DDs birthday

249 replies

LazyMornings · 04/09/2012 00:12

I'm opposed to the whole pink/princess/barbie thing. My brother knows this and still, he just picked up a fecking Barbie bike to give to her on my daughter's birthday.

I don't want my daughter to even see it. She's also still very happy with her old bike. I am hurt that knowing how I feel about it, my brother chose that bike. I know he will be very offended if we don't accept it. Thoughts?

OP posts:
meditrina · 04/09/2012 07:49

Nothing wrong with having a variety of items.

Lots wrong with giving a bike to a child that already has one, in a style that will rile the mother.

And I suggest you look at the links about Pinkification to see it's societal role. It is a new phenomenon - quite different from even only a decade ago, and is not neutral. Even if you disagree with some or all of the gender stereotyping and onwards effects, there are also the strong arguments about marketing and how remarkably successful it has been in increasing spending in families with children of both sexes.

makemineachardonnay · 04/09/2012 07:53

OK, it's the first day of the school run so I'm up far too early as opposed to being a lazy git all summer so this thread has completely lost me!
Barbie being compared to Hitler?! WTAF are you ON about?! Grin
It's a DOLL. Seriously. Nothing more, nothing less. At the age of 6, your daughter's not going to think that just because she's got a blonde, big boobed doll, that that's the way all girls look and she's going to aspire to be a Barbie airhead (assuming that's your problem, as I have no fecking clue if not Grin
Let your DAUGHTER decide what kind of things she likes, she is her own person with her own tastes - let her develop her own mind, not just like what you tell her she must like.

brandysoakedbitch · 04/09/2012 07:54

So would it be ok if it was a thomas the tank one then? is it the branding that is the issue or is it the girlie branding that annoys the most?

You are really over reacting. It is ok to have a position on it but you sound really really over bearing and you really need to pick your battles. Is this your first child?

I have a lot of children. Both my girls went through a bit of a pink fluffy stage and had horrible tarty barbies (one of which looked like a prostitute actually) but you know, it is all in context. They are both very rough and tumble girls, have a good self image etc. In my extensive experience, girls who have issues about their bodies etc often have Mothers with just those issues. I agree that barbies are crap and the tits are silly but with vaguely sensible parenting it will all be ok and they are just a bit of fun.

DruAnderson · 04/09/2012 07:55

Meditrina the only way to get away from it, is to make a non issue.
Both my children (boy and girl) get the same choices. When buying building blocks both chose the colour they wanted, incidentally both picked pink. I am decorating both bedrooms, dd is having blue. Ds is yellow.
Imo the less of an issue it is the better. When dd got her bike in July it was 'these are the options of bike you can have' there was a pink, a green and a blue. She picked the blue.
Telling a child 'no you can't have that because its pink, is defeating the object.'
When as gets a bike, a pink will be part of the selection for him to pick from. Because it is a none issue in out house.

iMoniker · 04/09/2012 07:57

Pinkification. I am usually quite open minded.

This is the first time ever

Biscuit

is there a comparable Blueification?

Snort!

SugarBatty · 04/09/2012 08:03

Tbh Thomas the tank is worse for children. Have you heard how those trains speak to each other on the tv show? They are so mean and miserable. At least barbie and her mates stick together!

SugarBatty · 04/09/2012 08:04

Grin at Blueification

meditrina · 04/09/2012 08:05

It's about questioning why certain choices are made. Are little girls freely choosing it? (And as pointed out, OP doesn't say that her DD does like it at all, just a massive assumption by posters that as she's a girl, she must. No consideration about how she is happy with existing bike).

Households like Drunderson's sound really healthy, with colour a genuine choice. But pink is currently aggressively marketed, means that girls are left without choices ? or at the very least, a false choice ? gravitating towards pink because it is overwhelmingly expected it of them; for example by all the posters here who have assumed that OP's DD must want pink, simply because she is a girl (totally overlooking that this is a child happy with current bike).

ChuckleMonster · 04/09/2012 08:05

Yes, iMoniker - there is a 'Blueification'.

Lots of little boy clothing says 'little monster' or 'here comes trouble' etc (compared to girls 'little princess' or the 'sweet cupcake' on the PJs DD is currently wearing ) This type of marketing has being linked by some academics to the underperformance of boys at school and the behavioural problems seen more often with boys than with girls. I'm not saying I believe it, but its food for thought!

ChuckleMonster · 04/09/2012 08:08

PS I never buy DD the 'pink' options, but I wouldnt get upset about someone buying her something pink as a pressie, life is too short.

meditrina · 04/09/2012 08:09

iMoniker - yes there is. The harmful effects on boys from the style of toys and expectations thrust upon them by equally aggressively marketed items is also a problem, as gender-related pigeon-holing limits boys activities and choices too.

DruAnderson · 04/09/2012 08:11

Of course little girls are choosing it freely. If there were not dd would have a pink bike and pink converse instead of the green ones she picked.
Tbh this pinkificatiom stinks. Its stinks of 'poor little girls (and parents of) can't think for themselves, they couldn't possibly be making a choice because they like it.'
We go to Florida quite often. Dd has had 2 princess make overs in Disney and also the pirate one. Loads of girls were dressing up like pirates. Its refreshing to see, no issue made at all.

Northernlurkerisbackatwork · 04/09/2012 08:13

I don't like Barbie or any of the other princess fake boob, long legged crap. I wouldn't buy my dds a Barbie bike. However I wouldnt think it was the end of the world if somebody else bought it for them. One Barbie bike is not going to destroy your child's aspirations and sense of self worth. She might really like it. Or she might ignore it.

What will upset her though is if you make her feel guilty for liking it - so don't do that. I wouldn't think this is worth rowing with your brother over either. Accept the gift and keep your thoughts to yourself. Let your dd decide what she likes and hope to hell you've imparted the right values to her. We all make choices for our children but we also have to start letting them try things and choose for themselves.

MrsFruitcake · 04/09/2012 08:13

I do think YABU. It's your DDs birthday gift, not yours and if her reaction to it was positive, then that's all that should matter.

FWIW, not that long ago, my DS's (4.8) favourite film was a Barbie one, but he likes Thomas, Ben & Holly and Roary too. They are capable of liking a whole range of things you know!

SugarBatty · 04/09/2012 08:14

I assumed op's daughter would like it as she said in her initial post "I don't want my daughter to even see it"

JeezyOrangePips · 04/09/2012 08:15

Meditrina, the thing is the ops dd doesn't have free choice. The option of pink is being denied to her.

Surely your argument suggests she should be given that choice too?

MrsPnut · 04/09/2012 08:22

I allow completely free choice but my youngest daughter would never choose anything pink because she associates it with being a girl. She regularly announces that she wants to be a boy and chooses what she thinks are boyish options even from the girls clothing ranges.

I'd accept the barbie bike but remember it and buy your brother's children the most annoying toys in the world as revenge.

MrsKeithRichards · 04/09/2012 08:40

I get annoyed a lot of craft sets are pink. Can boys not be creative!?

aufaniae · 04/09/2012 08:40

"Let your DAUGHTER decide what kind of things she likes, she is her own person with her own tastes - let her develop her own mind, not just like what you tell her she must like."

This is really naive.

Why do so many girls choose pink and Barbie? Because there's something innate in little girls that makes them choose pink and Barbie? Or just possibly because they are at the receiving end of millions of pounds of advertising?

Um, I wonder. Hmm

Letting Barbie crap into your house is not giving your child free choice - the companies are manipulating their choice.

I reserve the right to be disgusted by this and not let it into my home.

I'm realistic - I can't ban all pink - it can be really hard to find affordable non-pink stuff (sadly) and I understand that relatives are well-meaning.

But Barbie is another level. This is about more than pink! She's so at odds with my principles, she's not welcome in this house.

Would you let your 6 year old put up posters of Jordan?

pigletmania · 04/09/2012 08:47

Disabil your examples are totally different. So what if op dd likes pink, she is developing her own tastes and should be allowed choose what she likes and does not like like other children her age, not her tastes being controlled by her mum. That means op should provide her with a range of toys and allowe her the freedom to choose. T is a different matter if op dc already has a suitable bike, than a bike is not the right gift as dd a,ready has one. Sorry the op comes across as quite stifling and controlling, and not allowing her dd to spread her wings. A bit like te family who kept the child's gender from everyone even the child, trying to prove a political point

honeytea · 04/09/2012 08:50

Barbie and Hitler, well that is a strange pair to put together!

I was your daughter growing up, my mother didn't allow barbie or fairy tails where a princess was rescued. I hated it, I wanted to be girly and the same as my friends. By the time my sister was born 18 years later my mum had calmed down a bit and my sister was allowed anything she wanted (not in a spoilt way but if she asked for a barbie for christmas she would get it where as I would have got lego) I dressed Dsis up as a fairy and encouraged princessy things. My sister is 9 now and refuses to wear pink, she will only wear boys jeans and baggy t-shirts. When I was 9 I was a bridesmaid and then wore my puffy dress at any oppertnity.

My point is that however hard you try you won't be able to push your daughter into being what you want her to be. She is at an age where you can start to discuss things with her why don't you just talk to her about barbie and how it isn't a realistic version of how a women should look (I still remember my mum telling me barbie was so thin she wouldn't have periods, maybe don't say that to your dd at 6)

Keep the bike but encourage her to use the old bike, maybe you could by her a cool accesory for the old bike so she preferes that one. Then when she has friends to play you have 2 bikes!

GhostShip · 04/09/2012 08:50

I was going to say you're being a bit precious but now you've compared Barbie to Hitler I don't know what quite to say.

But your feelings aside and think what your daughter would want.

porcamiseria · 04/09/2012 08:50

I get it

BUT, she is only 6. let her have the bike and dont be too precious

pigletmania · 04/09/2012 08:52

Aufanie so what, what the hell is wrong with Barbie and Sindy, I presume op dd will not like them in 10 years time. We are all influenced by the media, advertising and marketing to some degree, you cannot make your child licpve in a bubble. What if she has a party and shock horror is given Barbie or pink things, are you going to hide it from her or tell the giver to take them back

squeakytoy · 04/09/2012 08:53

OP, get a grip, a pink one, a blue one, or even a nice beige one.. but seriously.. get one.