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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to reject Pink Barbie bike for DDs birthday

249 replies

LazyMornings · 04/09/2012 00:12

I'm opposed to the whole pink/princess/barbie thing. My brother knows this and still, he just picked up a fecking Barbie bike to give to her on my daughter's birthday.

I don't want my daughter to even see it. She's also still very happy with her old bike. I am hurt that knowing how I feel about it, my brother chose that bike. I know he will be very offended if we don't accept it. Thoughts?

OP posts:
MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 04/09/2012 02:18

She loves being a girly girl Who decided that what defined a girl (and using the term 'girly girl' implies this) is pink and dollies with enormous breasts and skinny legs and clothes and sparkles and jewelry and pamper parties and handbags?

I grew up as a girl and had Sindy dolls. I also had a Grifter bike because the world hadn't been taken over by Disney Princess shit in the 70s. It is the lack of choice that annoys me. I went to by a chair for DD and the choices were... pink Disney Princess crap or Disney Cars or the one I bought for ten times the price. Why wasn't there a red one with dinosaurs or a purple one with trees or a yellow one with birds? Nope. Pink or blue, princesses or cars. It's so depressing.

iMoniker · 04/09/2012 03:04

MrsTerry she does love being a girly girl - she loves sparkles, unicorns, pink & purple, nail polish and dressing up as a princess. She is not a boy, however, should she wish to play with trains, or army trucks or any of her brothers toys - and she does, that's absolutely fine. Should she choose to wear jeans and a lumberjack shirt, she would be free to do so. I do not prescribe what she wears and plays with.

I totally do not subscribe to the school of thought that what children play with is aligned with their eventual self worth. She is proud of being a girl. I am at a loss to understand - are we supposed to be androgynous in this crazy politically correct world we live in these days.

iscream · 04/09/2012 05:01

" ...knowing how I feel about it, my brother chose that bike. I know he will be very offended if we don't accept it. Thoughts? "
Yes. He knew you were against it and bought it anyways. Do you think he worried whether or not you will be very offended?
Since it isn't something your daughter has been wanting, I would tell him not to bring it.
Your kid, your rules.
And I do agree, those toys with names like Barbie, or Spider man are cheap quality and tacky. However, I admit that I have bought a fair share of that stuff, when the birthday child really wanted it.

meditrina · 04/09/2012 06:38

So your brother knew this, and did I anyway, despite the fact that she has a serviceable bike that still fits her.

Yes OP, I'd be as cross as you.. The Pinkification of girls is a very unwelcome social phenomenon, and this is an objectionable example. Plus, she already has a bike.

You are unlikely make much headway with up your DB on the Pinkification, but you could try the duplicate item approach as DD already has a bike she is hapo with. Ask if he can exchange for a different item, or explain you will sell it and et DD choose something new with the proceeds.

Stay calm with DB - if he sees you riled, he'll do it again and may keep coming up with Pinkified presents and other inappropriate items, just to make you rise.

DruAnderson · 04/09/2012 06:46

I don't get the obsession with not allowing pink for girls. Colour has never been issue in my house. Dd has pink toys, blue toys etc.
She got a blue, non branded bike for her birthday. Ds (18 months) adores a bar is type doll he found at my cousins.
Its a NON issue. By banning it you are making it an issue.
And comparing Barbie to Hitler, is digusting.

JeezyOrangePips · 04/09/2012 06:55

One pink bike does not a simpering idiot make.

This is going to be one of this

AIBU
Yes
No I'm not

Threads.

Surely, in all the rainbow coloured items your dd has, one pink item won't make a huge difference?

I'm not really sure what you think having a Barbie bike is going to do to your daughter. Unless you think pink is the crack cocaine of colours, and once she's had it once she'll never want anything else :/

My dd went through a brief pink phase. She had barbies. And she is a pretty decent human being. She is kind and considerate, and (strangely) hasn't turned into a nazi.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 04/09/2012 06:59

What Meditrina says.

xkcdfangirl · 04/09/2012 07:05

YANBU - it's difficult enough to shield a girl from the constant onslaught of pink and princesses and you do have the right to expect your brother to cooperate with this. However, bikes with heavy (and often gendered) branding are often significantly cheaper than non-branded ones as their cost of manufacture is subsidised by the brand owner - he may have found a good cheap deal where the choice was Barbie or Thomas the Tank Engine and thought that of the two, your DD would prefer Barbie. He may not be able to afford an equivalent bike without branding. Perhaps you could offer to subsidise yourself an upgrade to an unbranded bike?

SugarBatty · 04/09/2012 07:17

Get over yourself op, its a PRESENT she might LIKE, a PRESENT she might find FUN! You do remember fun don't you?

If your well off enough to turn your nose up at a gift of a bike good for you. I'm sure their are plenty of cash strapped families around who would be really grateful for their child to have a new bike.

Is your dd allowed to play with any barbie things in and amongst her other presumably gender neutral toys? Or do you dictate everything she plays with and wears/watches? If she isn't I think its very sad you are stifling her with your own opinions. Part of childhood should be to have the choice to play with toys that make you happy. Simple as that. I think adults look far to much into sinister reasons that aren't even their in a childs eyes.

Maybe your bro is poking fun at you with the gift but maybe you should accept it and laugh at yourself a bit. You do sound a bit silly really.

iMoniker · 04/09/2012 07:22

Sugarbatty, great post. Totally agree.

pigletmania · 04/09/2012 07:25

Yabvvvvvu and ungrateful. You sound very controlling, so what you don't like it but what if your dd likes pink.

pigletmania · 04/09/2012 07:26

Here here sugarbetty

Sirzy · 04/09/2012 07:27

Surely the choice in what she wants to play with should be hers not yours? A bike is hardly going to turn her into some 'blonde bimbo' or whatever else you seem to fear so much. Infact banning things simply because of the colour/character is more likely to make it seem appealing.

I can fully see why people don't want everything pink (or blue, or green or whatever) but the odd pink toy isn't going to do any harm

pigletmania · 04/09/2012 07:30

Reading your other posts you are comming across as not very nice. You cannot stifle and control her like this, she is her own person, with her own tastes and opinions sorry if some of them don't match yours

DruAnderson · 04/09/2012 07:31

Why do we need to shield our dds from pink?

Bossybritches22 · 04/09/2012 07:38

Honestly don't worry, she'll grow up out of the pink fluff phase very soon!

I have 2 DD's & always swore we wouldn't be having any Barbie stuff in our house....forward 3 years & we were ankle deep in pink glittery crap!!

But you know what the boys who visited often wore the fairy wings or the mini boiler suit in our eclectic mix of dressing up stuff too. I gritted my teeth & they grew out of it literally in a few years.

They are now both independant strong young ladies who have very firm views on equality and diversity.

It's a phase, she will love it for a while, & as said upthread it will probably not be terribly robust but if it helps her improve her bike skills great, you can move on to a "proper" bike next.

Save your energy for the bigger battles in life.Grin

DisabilEightiesChick · 04/09/2012 07:39

Lots of really aggressive posts here attacking the OP. Glad MrsTerrysChocolateOrange has been patiently putting the alternative across.

This 'it's her choice' line is rubbish. Does everyone let their 7 year olds decide what to do, then? If they ask to stay up till 2am, or drink whisky, do you all say 'sure, your choice'? Parenting is about trying to make good choices for your kids. We all do it.

I don't think it's 'sweet' of her brother either. I think it's either thoughtless or controlling (yes, HE is the controlling one).

And lots of posters have assumed the daughter does like pink. Very telling that it is seen as the default that she does.

YANBU, OP.

DisabilEightiesChick · 04/09/2012 07:41

Lots of really aggressive posts here attacking the OP. Glad MrsTerrysChocolateOrange has been patiently putting the alternative across.

This 'it's her choice' line is rubbish. Does everyone let their 7 year olds decide what to do, then? If they ask to stay up till 2am, or drink whisky, do you all say 'sure, your choice'? Parenting is about trying to make good choices for your kids. We all do it.

I don't think it's 'sweet' of her brother either. I think it's either thoughtless or controlling (yes, HE is the controlling one).

And lots of posters have assumed the daughter does like pink. Very telling that it is seen as the default that she does.

YANBU, OP.

meditrina · 04/09/2012 07:41

"If your well off enough to turn your nose up at a gift of a bike good for you. I'm sure their are plenty of cash strapped families around who would be really grateful for their child to have a new bike".

Did you read OP? Her DD already has a bike so even if it wasn't Barbie it's still a massive duplication.

DruAnderson · 04/09/2012 07:43

So having a pink bike is as damaging as drinking alcohol or not sleeping. dramatic much
I think children should be encouraged to make decisions they are old enough for at 7, she is able to say 'i do/don't like it'.
People who refuse to let girls have pink on the basis of 'its pink' are bring just as restrictive as parents who insist their dds things are pink.

Sirzy · 04/09/2012 07:43

I don't think you can link being given age appropriate choices such as which toys they want to play with and being allowed to stay up late and drink alcohol.

SugarBatty · 04/09/2012 07:44

Would anyone complain about a boy just being given trains/cars? Or blue things?

My dd used to often wear a snow white dress with a yellow builders waistcoat over it. What's wrong with children having a variety? My dd has lots of pink and barbies and she loves clothes and putting outfits together etc, she also has lego, science kits, bug catchers etc which she doesn't really bother with. I have very high hopes for her future as I know its the other important life experiences and support I give her that will mould her. Not what toys she plays with.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 04/09/2012 07:44

I dislike Barrbie and pink etc and i also suspect if you're very vocal about this then your brother might slightly be on the wind up: my aunt used to have a benevolent campaign to think if presents for me which might annoy me dad all through childhood (noisy toys, make up...)

But I still think YABU to be quite so upset about this. It's quite a generous present from uncle to niece, and I think it should be seen as such.

JeezyOrangePips · 04/09/2012 07:48

Allowing your child to choose a colour of toy is hardly the same thing as allowing them to stay up till 2 drinking whiskey!

That has to be one of the funniest comparisons I have seen ever!

SugarBatty · 04/09/2012 07:48

Yes I know her dd already has a bike. The point I was making was some families would be happy with ANY bike and not in a position to turn their nose up at gifts because they don't deem them fit for their child based on their colour.