Aibu re childcare comments

[sleepdodger]

Im RL and on here alot recently I've been met with gasps when people digest I work ft and then realize DS 17mo is in ft nursery for about 50hrs a week
Do people not realize what full time hours mean?
Why do people assume its ok to question 'couldn't you do pt' etc - presumably no they can't afford it or choose not to...
Often then followed by 'is he (DS) ok there' in hushed tone
Then followed by 'no family able to help?'
It's not been mentioned much until now, he's been in nursery since 10mo but it's starting to get to me a bit :-(

Not at all - I am not a perfect mother and my DS is very far from being a perfect child. And it was you not I who used the words "namby pamby, snotty nosed". In RL I keep my opinions to myself, which is what the reverse brigade started by the OP's post do not do. I rest my case. And I made those comments provoke comment, I was not disappointed. As always in RL and on MN, some opinions are ok to express and others are not it seems.

I didn't use any of those words.

Only one of mine was in childcare and they and the others are very independant thank you. I have a WOHM friend who is extremely overprotective, her 8 year old wasn't allowed to go near camp fires at cubs (why bother sending him!) or go on camp or for tea at people's houses and even not allowed on school trips. Her mother cared for him while she worked. So it isn't just SAHP who are overprotective, many are not at all.

The fact is if you work 50+ hours a week you're spending the vast majority of your child's waking hours away from them. Maybe that suits some people, and they don't want more time with their children. It wouldn't suit me.

Wouldn't suit me either; neither would staying at home, there's a whole spectrum between not working and working so much you never see your kids (which no one I know in RL does anyway. The closest I know are a couple of dads who work ridiculous hours and are away from home a lot, but you know what- even their kids still know who their dad is and have a fantastic bond with them. It wouldn't suit me to have a partner working like that but horses for courses

The most important thing in all this is raising children to be secure, happy and successful in life- and you can do that (or not) as a WOHP or a SAHP. It's not working or not working per se which makes a parent good or bad.

I have never claimed that working makes my children happier or more independent or anything . The only claims i make for working are those which are undeniable- ie: I like the mental stimulation, the social aspects, the salary and pension .

That's why its irksome if people do try to make spurious claims about working being less good for children - whether it's dark mutterings that they might turn out to be less attached, or comments about 'poor children having to wake up early'.

If you want to stay at home that's fine, just don't assume that the outcomes for children of working parents will be less favourable, or you stand to be disappointed!

I've just calculated, and allowing for the fact that ds used to have 2 hour long naps during the day, I used to see him for 50% of a full week.

And then of course I got to see him every public holiday and when I took (my company's generous) holidays although like Luckylavender I am a baaaaaad mother as dh and I went away skiing when ds was 6.5 months old (long story) (but I did leave EBM for the whole week and expressed and brought back the EBM) - so overall, that is more than 50% in my favour. :)

Actually, dh was having an unrelated discussion with ds last night (who will be 12 next week) and ds was saying how lucky he was having both parents who do such a lot of things with him. :)

But then, we are still baaaaad parents as we also let him go off and cycle around Glasgow unaccompanied for hours at a time!

I am all for working part time (my dh and I both do).

If I had to work FT (either to survive financially or to keep my sanity) I would do so, knowing that my kids would turn out fine (as much as you can ever know that) because they come from a loving, functional family.

I wouldn?t think it was ideal though, and I would feel sad for myself and them that, for the few years when dh and I were their favourite people in the world, that we spent most of their waking hours, most days, apart.

Right, ironically enough I?m at work so must get off mn now.

I officially love scottishmummy.

I like the boys nursery. They do tractor rides and blackberry picking and are often 1:1.

I also love working.

I am also a lone parent and have to work.

I just need to find a job...

...be because I really don't want to claim benefits.

And janey just because someone has a different opinion from you doesn't make that opinion "spurious" or "dark mutterings" it just makes it .... a different opinion.