This might be long.
Husband and his (only sibling) sister are chalk and cheese.
Always just 'tolerated' each other.
When I first met her I took an instant dislike but tolerated her politely and non-provocatively.
Then out of the blue (after being with her brother for approximately six years) we became friends. Not BFF's, don't get me wrong. But we were both planning weddings so spent time together doing wedding stuff, then exercise classes, then just general socialising.
This was great for about 2 years. I allowed myself to let my guard down and 'let her in'.
I married her brother almost a year before her wedding and things were still great.
Then at around her hen do/wedding she froze me out.
Suddenly and with absolutely no explanation. I was nine weeks pregnant at her wedding but no-one knew and she already had one child so jealousy isn't an answer in this situation I don't think.
I've always been timid (a history of 'friends' who bully at school) and so just kept my head down.
It spiralled. She refused to talk to me, look at me, sit in the same room as me at family events, segregated me on her hen-do and indoctrinated all her friends into her way of thinking. No big loss.
This continued until towards the end of my pregnancy when she was so foul at a family do that it reduced her mum to tears.
My husband approached her and her 'answer' was that she was very early stages of pregnancy and so had been keeping her head down. Everyone accepted that explanation. But ignored the fact she'd been treating me like that for over a year and she was weeks into her pregnancy. So once again it got dropped. I then removed her as a friend on Facebook as some of the digs at me were from her status updates.
So, for nearly four years I have been polite, taken the digs, been ignored, and 'not' noticed the rolling eyes and disdain until finally it all came to a head at her sons christening in Sunday.
It was meant to be a small family christening after which we were going out for a meal. Just me and DH, MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL and our five kids.
The day before I had a nasty fall down the stairs and after a trip to A&E ascertained nothing broken, but in considerable amount of pain went along as it would mean a lot to DH family, so he said.
So, I sit in the church. Immobile. And slowly it dawns on me that plans are being made for all SILs friends and kids to meet after the ceremony at a nearby pub. But all in hushed whispers. At least five friends I heard saying words to this effect.
In the car park after the service, she announces she's going home TO TIDY(?) on a sunny day, after her sons christening when all her friends are at the pub. At which point we're bundled into the car with one of her sons and grandparents make the decision to go ahead with said family meal and we drive on to a different restaurant to where everyone else was meeting.
Leaving her celebrating with everyone somewhere else, having left us (myself and husband) feeling snubbed.
I refuse to go and eat after reaching my limit of passive aggressive bullying.
Husband tells in-laws why rather than a white lie and then arguments with his patents ensue about me spoiling the day for the kids, and getting the wrong end of the stick. ''She's gone home to tidy", I keep bring told... Perlease.
So we have a quick drink, no lunch, allow the kids to enjoy each others company while we sit in silence and then finally go.
Husband and I row be ause I can't he back saying exactly what I feel about his sister. So we go to my mums for her to listen/mediate. Don't get any resolutions agreed but air grievances anyway.
My answer is to remove myself from anything she's involved in.
For good. Or until something changes drastically.
Husband and I are at utter end of fighting tether having gone round in circles for four days.
He feels I should be the bigger person and that I'm hurting him by not attending family stuff. "We're a team, who cares what she says/does?". A fact I'm not disagreeing with. But he's asking me to keep bending over and taking it up the a**e.
I removed myself from people I went to school with like her and I'm stronger for it. DH wants me to approach her and suggest bygones be bygones. BUT WHY SHOULD I? I've done nothing wrong and she's treated me appallingly for four years I just don't want to see her again. She's intimidating.
So. Very long story short...
Should I 'grin and bear it' and feel the bigger person, because my husband isn't having to attend things on his own (but with kids) or stick to my guns? And not put myself in the position of feeling intimidated by doing the only thing I can. Remove myself.
Or confront her by text maybe? Ask what I've done to offend her so badly. I don't want to but again DH thinks its a solution. One he's unwilling to try as it might jeopardise more relationships.
Sorry it's so long but I'm just exhausted with trying to talk ourselves into a solution and going round in circles so thought some fresh eyes might help.
Happy reading.