To give up a well paid job to be a SAHM?

[Blackonesugarplease]

Name-changed for this.

DH thinks that I would be unreasonable to give up my job to be a SAHM to our young children.

In short, following a bereavement I have subconsciously re-evaluated my priorities. I am desperate to stay at home with my 3 young children as I can't bear to put them in childcare any more - getting them up at 6 and not seeing them for 11 hours a day, juggling the holidays etc. I know they're fine, but they're not with me, and I know I will never be able to get this time back.

If leave I'm unlikely to be able to return to the same career, let alone the same role, but I'm absolutely fine with that. I don't want to reduce my hours, I simply want to quit so I can focus 100% on the family as my job does interfere with my time at home.

I have a secure, relatively well-paid job and DH has a decent income too. If I leave my job we will have very little disposable income - c£450 a month for absolutely everything after mortgage, food, bills and loans - which is a big drop from our current income but I think it's just about do-able.

DH has been clear that he thinks I will regret the decision when we can't afford holidays, family lunches out etc - this is a big thing for me as I was raised in poverty so the idea of voluntarily giving up money is very difficult but right now I honestly think that I can worry about that later, and perhaps try to find some part-time or self-employed work in the longer term if necessary.

Toysoldiers took the words right out of my mouth. Poor woman is reeling from a bereavement, came on here for some advice, got a SAHM v WOHM slap-fest.

I'm on a phone and can't copy and paste anyway, not that I would anyway

I think your own admission should do it.

You were rude to me and dismissed me as not being objective when really you were annoyed about what others had posted upthread. All I asked was a question and you could have answered instead of being rude, sarcastic and dismissive. Very juvenile

Fwiw I can think of a lot of people who have done the sahm and the wohm thing.

Usually it has made them realise that there is no perfect cookie cutter solution and that most parents just try and find what works best for them. So slagging off other peoples choices doesn't tend to be part of our dialogue.

I never hear wohm/sahm bollocks in real life. Perhaps I am just lucky. Perhaps my friends just arn't defensive or judgy.

"...I've done both the WOHM and SAHM thing. Not many people can say that."

Are you fecking serious?

pag I expected better of you. You've let me down, but most of all you've let yourself down.

[shamefaced]

Pag, you sham, you

Yes indeed [shamfaced]

Yes thumb, I am serious. Amongst my friends I'm the only one who spent several years as a sahm then several as a wohm. They took maternity leave then went back to work. Or took maternity leave then didn't return to work.

oh well then, your experience must be unique.

You really need to widen your horizons, you know.

I am trying to think how many I know who have done both and I know dozens. A huge proportion gave up work for a couple of years then went back once their dc were past toddlerhood.. Or worked after they had one but then stopped once they had another.

Well I don't know loads. Yes,this is anecdotal. But take mumsnet for example. Loads of fulltime workers like Scottish who have never, and would never, do the sham thing. For reasons they never tire of telling us.

lowfat why does it matter what other people think about SAHP or whether they would stay home or not? If you being a SAHM is the best thing for your family then that's great.

I think that being a SAHM wouldn't suit me and I suspect that DH is a better SAHP than I would be. We are different personalities and at different places in our careers. That doesn't make us better or worse than each other and it certainly doesn't make one of us the better parent than the other. Its just the right choice for us that DH was a SAHD and people can think what they like, it works for us.

As is their right

it doesn't matter. Usually I hide the thread when they start getting silly. I didn't do that with this one. I've learnt my lesson for next time!

But I am happy with my choices. Why should I care what a few random WOHMs think.

People express opinions all over mn that don't coincide with mine. I don't feel the need to attack their choices and if they attack mine I assume they are defensive, rude or having a shit day. I don't tend to stop to their level.

Except the people who think retard is fine. I tend to call them rude names. But that is because I always find it funny that they argue that I shouldn't be all pc about their using retard but then get hissy when I call them a cunt. But that is another thread.

Retaliating with judgement when you are affronted by another persons judgement seems perverse to me

yes, you're right Pag! I get very annoyed with myself when I do this. I'm going to stop it.

Pag, how did I miss such a thread?

I am going back to work part time in oct and I'm constantly like this at min

Woooooo adults
leaving dd
can't afford to stay at home
of SAHMs
of WOHMs
in need of a hug
cool, it's all good in the hood

Rinse, repeat

Yep. That's about the nub of it Kayano. Especially rinse and repeat.

Oh we've all done it sometimes lowfatiscrap.

See the way I see it, most of us have done most permeatations of parenting/working. And we know women doing all manner of permeations.

It's mostly all fine.

I don't see any that make me make they have it perfectly sussed. All just tootling along.

But I always figure than when people start saying that working women are inferior parents then we should all step in, whtther we work or not. Cos the chances are, our DDs are going to work. Most people don't get the choice. So let's not make them feel shit about it.

lol,name calling and bitching
about who been rudest
priceless,couldn't make it up

Sm I blame you

SM, while you're here (and let's face it the thread has been well and truly derailed so I don't feel bad for asking this)

Why are all your posts always, always in three lines?

lol
someone beat you to it
of course others bolding naming and harrumphing is informative précis of thread.not rude at all