To give up a well paid job to be a SAHM?

[Blackonesugarplease]

Name-changed for this.

DH thinks that I would be unreasonable to give up my job to be a SAHM to our young children.

In short, following a bereavement I have subconsciously re-evaluated my priorities. I am desperate to stay at home with my 3 young children as I can't bear to put them in childcare any more - getting them up at 6 and not seeing them for 11 hours a day, juggling the holidays etc. I know they're fine, but they're not with me, and I know I will never be able to get this time back.

If leave I'm unlikely to be able to return to the same career, let alone the same role, but I'm absolutely fine with that. I don't want to reduce my hours, I simply want to quit so I can focus 100% on the family as my job does interfere with my time at home.

I have a secure, relatively well-paid job and DH has a decent income too. If I leave my job we will have very little disposable income - c£450 a month for absolutely everything after mortgage, food, bills and loans - which is a big drop from our current income but I think it's just about do-able.

DH has been clear that he thinks I will regret the decision when we can't afford holidays, family lunches out etc - this is a big thing for me as I was raised in poverty so the idea of voluntarily giving up money is very difficult but right now I honestly think that I can worry about that later, and perhaps try to find some part-time or self-employed work in the longer term if necessary.

and it's irrelevant whether someone is a stay at home or working Mum.
Rude, sneery flippant comments are annoying whichever source they originate from. Do you really think I've got the time to remember the working status of each poster before replying?!! I have something called a life.

you completely (conveniently) misread/misinterpreted my posts, so I'm not sure why I'm bothering if you can't understand what I wrote? Actually I don't know why I'm even on another one of these groundhog style threads which always go the same way with the usual suspects crowding round.

What about taking a sabbatical if your work offers it and seeing how it goes?

I do understand what you wrote perfectly thanks, you obviously don't though because all I am saying is that it wasn't me who was sneery at all and you were deliberately rude to me because of what other people had said earlier in the thread.

That's my only issue. I don't know why you're here either tbf... Just to be rude it seems

Going back to the OP... :)

It's such a personal decision with so many alternatives, variables and consequence, unfortunately there is no template yes/no answer. It can only be bespoke to you and your family. There will always be anecdotal evidence from a wide variety of experiences but in the end, none of those really matter because none of those people are you. The best advice in this thread has been that which encourages you to speak to your DH at length and find a solution that works for you all.

Like Kitty I suspect that if my work don't grant flexible working from home, I will be quitting. It's actually my DH that wants that - I am scared of not having the steady income, the consequences for my pension, of not feeling independent, of not feeling like I am contributing to our family. It's taken several months of a change of my thinking to wrap my head around it. It's not an easy decision by a long shot!

As an aside, if there is the possibility of contracting/remote working/consulting/being a virtual assistant, I would look into that as way to bring income into the home. People per Hour is a great site, as is iHubub.

I am with talyra; I think requesting a sabbatical is a good first step as you have nothing to lose then . Like I said upthread, if I had a good, capable member of my team (and the OP has worked right through having 3 children so I assume she is a very capable woman) I would bend over backwards to accommodate a reasonable request for some time out, or cutting back hours. No one wants to lose a valued employee, so it's win win to try that approach first.

Golden - yes I think op is re evaluating her priorities in the light of what has happened, her bereavement.

It's not about the ridiculous SAHM/WOHM debate, but about what's best for family and for her and it may be some time spent with the comfort of her small children is what she needs.

The reason these 'debates' rage on is that we are s doing what we think is best given our individual circumstances which change over the years.

lowfat it's not about you remebering anyone's working status, it's about your assumptions. Your assumption was that both pag and I were WOHM because we questioned the assertion that working meant the quality of parenting became inferior.

You assumed that we questioned that assertion out of defensiveness or because these posts hit raw nerves. When in fact we questioned those assertions as not very logical because we are able to view this debate through somehting other than the prism of our own existence.

is amusing to see the harsh accusations flung my way, but scottishmummy is allowed to get away with short sighted judgmental comments. I can't believe I wasted 15 minutes of my life reading the entire thread again. And the worst thing I did was mock the offensive stuff about sahms. As for the patronising comment about the prism of my existence; I've spent more time as a working Mum than a stay at home Mum. Disagreeing with you doesn't mean I must have a limited world view.

Perhaps those that don't see the other point of view simply dont have the imagination to consider what life is like for SAHM/WOHM.
Its hard to get past someone who insists on having a narrow view of life wordfactory

"Yes, I did mean to be rude. But if you look back very carefully, it's always in response to rude sneery comments made by other posters who routinely(on here and similar threads) bump and make the stepford style comments."

explain to me again why it's ok for you to be rude in response to sneery posts but not ok for other people?

"Thanks for all the replies. Kids are causing havoc so will be back to answer some of the q's later"

and when will that be?

Or did you light the touchpaper and run?

Mindosa, I don't need to use my imagination because I've done both the WOHM and SAHM thing. Not many people can say that.

Do it! You only have one chance at life. If your dh is supportive, despite thinking you will regret it, then there is NO reason not to! £450 disposable after bills, is such a huge amount! Well done you for being in a good position to raise your children and having succeeded in life to be able to contemplate such a choice. I made a similar choice and do not regret it for a second. Good luck with your choice.

Lowfat I wasnt actually referring to you - just those who are extreme in their views.

Dueling fanjo, please paste one of my supposedly rude comments.

You admitted yourself that you had been rude. Have you forgotten already?

I thought I'd been arsey, but having taken the time to read through the thread again, think I was being impatiently flippant at worst.

Arsey/ flippant/ rude...

A rude person by any other name....

You were sarcastic and rude to me and when questioned admitted it was deliberate so let's not pretend that you are not rude

I was direct and didn't sugar coat it. I can be rude when provoked though.

I don't sugar coat shit either but you are trying to sugar coat your rudeness

Call your spade a spade ffs and own it

still waiting for someone to paste the rude comments I made. Please?

And why would I be your copy and paste minion? I thought you had a life?

usually, when someone wants to back up an argument, they produce some sort of evidence.

Oh FFS, I'm sure the OP disappeared pages ago - I know I would.

She asked for perfectly reasonable advice and opinions and instead gets ridiculous squabbles and hair pulling.

It's depressing.