AIBU for being upset that my DH used "our phrase" on Facebook?

[NCForNow]

It's a phrase that we used when we had our first DC. A made up one. It's not something that I have ever heard anyone else use and we always said it in relation to our first DD.

Now one of his mates has had a baby and he put our phrase on the friends comments box under the photo of their baby.

I asked him why he'd done this..and he went mad as if I had picked on him for nothing. He said he never knew I'd be upset though he knew it was a phrase which had personal meaning and emotional attachment for me and for him.

I can't understand why he'd say that on stupid FB!! He barely comments on things usually!

'If you can't be kind then don't post.'

Fab advice MmeLindor - but then MN would only be about 10 threads long?

although some days that might not be a bad thing

Ah right!

Yanbu. I have no idea why you're getting such a pasting on this thread. In the op you said you asked your DH why he used this phrase, not that you had thrown a tantrum and started divorce proceedings!

I totally get where you're coming from. People using personal, private phrases with others does seem inappropriate at times. I'm actually amazed at how this thread has gone. I can think of loads of words and phrases that DP and I use that I wouldn't expect him to use with others, and would feel a bit odd if he did.

Hecate we use 23 19 for when ds2 needs a shave.
We had the potential for an excellent farce-like misunderstanding .

I get the ops general point. It is difficult to tell tbh but I understand how shared phrases can fel personal, almost intimate. Yes it is a bit precious but I would prefer to be precious than the sort of twat who post 'well if that is all you have to worry about..' style stuff with predictable and thick glee

"I asked him why he'd done this..and he went mad as if I had picked on him for nothing. "

See this is what I don´t get.

If OP merely asked why he´d used it-why did he go "mad"?

What a lot of fuss-perhaps from both sides!

I'm going to sit in the fence here

pag. Oh yes, I am playing it in my mind right now.

I get her point too. She's not wrong! But neither is he. They simply have very different views on it. He clearly never realised she felt so deeply that they 'owned' (iyswim) this phrase and it was for them alone. To him, it clearly was just a 'cute' thing to be applied to babies as required

But, now he knows. And since it means so much to her, hopefully he will keep it between them from now on.

I always say that to my husband (not about this particular scenario, but about other things) if it doesn't matter to you, but you know it matters a lot to me - why not just do it my way? It matters to me whereas you don't care much either way.

He can't really argue with that

Ex used to call me a certain nickname I think I would be upset if he started calling another woman the same thing.

Saying that though he used to do a special thing when I was feeling down or a bit insecure especially at the start of our relationship (non sexual just very sweet) and I found out when I met his ex that he used to do exactly the same thing to her. I was not at all impressed as I thought it was 'our thing' he just laughed and said 'oh yeah it always works'

diddl - I assume that she didn't calmly and sweetly say Oh darling, I am a bit confused. Why did you put that comment on fb if you don't mind my asking..."

I took "I asked him" to be code for "I got really really cross and upset and accused him of not caring..."

It upset her. We can't control what upsets us. It's an emotional response and irrational and unpredictable by its very nature.

I think it's sad that he didn't understand just how much this meant to her. But it's good that he does now.

I totally get it OP, my DH had a name for DD when she was a baby that was unique and if he had ever done what your DH has done, it would have ruined something precious, so I understand completely.
It would be like him using his nickname for me, for someone else.
S on, You Are so NBU.

Yy.
We don't have to agree or feel the same about an issue but it is just about respecting each others feeling.

Poor OP, there are some thoroughly unpleasant posts on here. I can sort of imagine what kind of phrase it could be, and understand you being upset he used it about another baby... And also think its weird he went bonkers at you for asking.

"diddl - I assume that she didn't calmly and sweetly say Oh darling, I am a bit confused. Why did you put that comment on fb if you don't mind my asking...""

Maybe not, but then I still don´t understand why her husband "got mad"-especially if she was obviously upset as well.

Only a few more days until school starts and MN might resume normal service

God knows. Perhaps he was having a bad day too. Men can be emotional too.

Apparently.

Guilt, perhaps, that he hadn't realised how deeply she felt?

dunno.

Hopefully they'll both have slept on it and it'll all be looking much better this morning.

You are being ridiculous

Maybe he fathered his friends new baby and he is trying to treat it as his own?

honeytea just sprayed my coffee at your comment

crying at honeytea

I am worried that that joke is going to upset the OP.

"About the baby...and the mother"

Well, unless it was a speech bubble coming from the baby's picture saying something like "Yay - I've just created my first wizard's sleeve!!" I'm not sure I'd know what to say.

YANBU