AIBU for being upset that my DH used "our phrase" on Facebook?

[NCForNow]

It's a phrase that we used when we had our first DC. A made up one. It's not something that I have ever heard anyone else use and we always said it in relation to our first DD.

Now one of his mates has had a baby and he put our phrase on the friends comments box under the photo of their baby.

I asked him why he'd done this..and he went mad as if I had picked on him for nothing. He said he never knew I'd be upset though he knew it was a phrase which had personal meaning and emotional attachment for me and for him.

I can't understand why he'd say that on stupid FB!! He barely comments on things usually!

I like this thread, its funny, op, I kind of see where you are coming from now that you have revealed that the phrase actually flatters the mother.

I wouldn't have said anything though, it sounds like one of those things that miff you for a moment in silence and then move on from without sounding like a loon to your dh and the internet?

You are being very pissy about it all but you've made me laugh so there you go.

Its not her word no, I am very often discombobulated myself.

I feel very owning of it. But IA probably BU.

It might be the best word ever!

ITS MINE!

"flatters the mother"

Initially the OP referred to a personal phrase about their baby - and the issue was the fact that the OP's husband used the phrase they use for their baby about another baby.

Now it's a phrase that apparently flatters the mother (not the baby?!)....changes the whole thing. Mr OP has used "the phrase" in relation to another child and is therefore flattering another woman/mother!

So this is perhaps less about the child and more about the slightly green eyed monster.....

YABU And blaming your ridiculous, childish, slightly unstable behaviour on being 'pre menstrual' encourages sexism so STFU and accept that you're just a bit weird.

Eh? So op's dh flattered anuvva muvva???

Ah, so you think he's off to shag her??

Leave the bastard!! After he has given you a footy back on to your pedestal of wonderful beautiful mothery-ness lunacy queendom where you rightfully belong!!

It could be worse op, he could have said you were nearly as good a mum as his mum

'It could be worse op, he could have said you were nearly as good a mum as his mum'. Ha! Now that would awaken the rage in me, Joyce .

OP, I do think that you are being a a bit unreasonable. Also silly and irrational. However, you are human, and I think we all (as humans, not women) have unreasonable, silly and irrational moments. For example, after I had my first MC, DP and I decided it would have been a boy. We had no reason for thinking this, as I was nowhere near pregnant enough to find out the sex. But, it helped us, so we decided it was a boy and picked a name. A year later, DP's sister had a boy, and used 'our' name (which was a very popular name, think 'Jack' or similar, so we should have expected lots of people we knew to use it). She didn't do it to hurt us, but I was irrationally angry with her for ages, as it felt like she had taken our name (and in a mad way, our baby). Irrational, silly, and unreasonable, yes. Similarly, your DH did not post what he did to hurt you. You feel hurt by it, but I doubt that that was his intention.

So, feel upset for a wee while, be a bit cross, then shake it off, get past it, and move on. I do not mean that in a cruel way, it is exactly what we had to do. And remember, he was excited for his friend who has just had a baby. This is a good thing, right?

like mother-fucker?

Hey...no one is allowed to use that! My dh calls me it. It's mine. :)

He used to call me babycakes, but he calls dd1 & 2 that now.

Initially the OP referred to a personal phrase about their baby - and the issue was the fact that the OP's husband used the phrase they use for their baby about another baby. Now it's a phrase that apparently flatters the mother (not the baby?!)

Yeah, the words are THAT important that op can't get her story right.

It was probably the first thing that popped in his head when he saw the picture. Perhaps he just didn't think about it. Your phrase just comes naturally.

Yabu but I can sort've understand it, I think anyway. Your husband probably didn't realise the significance as many posters have said, they wouldn't either.

YABU not to share the phrase. This is like the Classics Wedding Thriller thread where you read through 500 posts and then the video at the end has been deleted.

YANBU but then I would say that. Hell I'm now considering throwing a strop because my husband doesn't even have a 'special' name for me, just a battery of generic terms of endearment. FFS, I bet his ex wife had a 'special' name grr.

It's a bit like when I sulked for two days because he'd been unfaithful to me in my dream

OP - you have too much time on your hands.

This is just not worth worrying about, let alone fighting about.

Hope you are ok - you have had a bit of a kicking on this thread

So wait, now the phrase flatters the mother?

This the most bizarre thread.

Is the phrase 'you look just like your mother, but you have you father's nose'?

Because I can see how that would be special to just you...

YABU OP but I totally know what you mean.

My dad used to have a specific nickname for me when I was a toddler, it was a daft two name nickname which is just the kind of silly/affectionate that sums up my dad. Its too particular for anyone to come up with themselves (although not impossible, just not 'obvious' iykwim).

Anyway, roll on 25 years and I start calling my own child that. I mentioned him with that name on fb, lo and behold TWO friends start calling their babies that specific name. I felt annoyed and gutted every time they refer (and still do!) to their babies as this.

I am totally unreasonable to, I know I am. Still fucks me off though and I wish Id never mentioned it.

It may have been a highly personal and significant private thing to you but it clearly was just something amusing to him. Obviously he doesn't have the emotional attachment to the sentence that you do.

I think everyone has little 'in jokes'. I suppose it depends on the individual whether they see them as daft little jokes or whether they see them as private little treasures that the rest of the world must not know about and which bind the two of them together and which would lose some of their meaning if divulged to others. (which appears to be more your feeling on it?)

We had "23-19. 23-19" which was code for poo explosion, bring the clean up kit STAT.
and we used to sniff the air appreciatively and sigh in crap french accent "ahhh, repulsion (pron repul-see-on) by Calvin Klein"
ooh, loads of stuff (not all poo related ) that still makes us laugh now, remembering it umpteen years later.

Part of the fun of it - for us - is looking back and laughing about it and sharing that laughter with others. Having a shared memory and sharing that with other people and all laughing together is also a 'close' thing, I suppose.

Just tell him how you feel. He may understand or he may think you're bonkers, but at least he'll know and even if he doesn't understand and he thinks your a whackjob - you're HIS whackjob and he should not do it if he knows it means so much to you.

oh dear god. You're not your.

We call ours 'Code brown'

Why 23.19?

YANBU. I understand why that might upset you. It was something you felt was special and expressed something very private and personal about your child.

But I also think he just did it thoughtlessly. So try not to make it mean more than he meant.

And you've responded quite gracefully on here to some very bitchy and small-minded posts.

From Monsters Inc.

It seemed appropriate somehow

Dh used to call me Queen Bee, and our DS1 Baby Bee.

Not sure how I would feel if he called another mum and baby that, as it was our thing....

I guess as my Baby Bee is now 7 I feel we have outgrown these nicknames tbh, so would not be upset.....

Told you mine, tell me yours!!!!!