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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stay with a man who hates fat women?

308 replies

grips · 25/08/2012 23:46

just that really. i have a partner and he is very vocal about his disgust for overweight people and women in particular. he says that hes sure they are nice people but he cant help but judge them for being overweight. i always pull him up on it but it really bothers me.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 26/08/2012 00:38

size 14 is NOT fat FFS

Please for the love of sweet baby cheeses don't let me get back into this argument....but you cannot say a size 14 is not fat without knowing the height, frame and BMI of the person concerned.

I've been flamed repeatedly for stating this but it's still a fact I'm afraid.

carernotasaint · 26/08/2012 00:39

Barred thats your preference which you are entitled to. You dont shout comments in the street so therefore you are not rude to other members of the public so with you i guess its just your preference.

carernotasaint · 26/08/2012 00:41

Thing is if an overweight lady (not aiming this at you OP cos you have already stated you are not) is dating a mysogynist and then loses weight it doesnt stop there. The next complaint will be about the loose skin.

lilolilmanchester · 26/08/2012 00:41

you're right Worra. You've just reminded me that I AM fat, and it's not just my DH that sees me that way Sad

pictish · 26/08/2012 00:41

My issue with you, is that you are being needlessly rude and aggressive over something that no-one is arguing with you about!
You don't fancy fat people. That's fine - have a chocolate medal and a tin foil crown. Now shut up.

BarredfromhavingStella · 26/08/2012 00:41

Worra that is exactly what I'm saying-I love food & because of this I have to work to maintain a figure, Is it so unreasonable to expect the man I love to do the same (despite the fact he hasn't carried 2 children Grin)

pictish · 26/08/2012 00:42

That was to Barred.

squoosh · 26/08/2012 00:43

Barred let's see why people might think you're a twat. You're very first comment was he doesn't like fat birds then he doesn't like them-are you one, is that the issue???

Now clearly you can't see it, but that is a twattishly twattish comment.

carernotasaint · 26/08/2012 00:43

Worra im 5 ft 5 and got down to a size 12 from a 28 so to me it is slim because my body REFUSED to shift any more weight NO MATTER what i did. But i was having mind blowing sex with my OM at the time so i didnt give too shiny shites!

Krumbum · 26/08/2012 00:45

Lilolilmanchester. Your Dh is shallow.
why can't he abide fat people? Why does he care? What could possibly bother about the fact that fat people simply exist?
Either way you arnt actually fat. But even if you were that is not repulsive!

BarredfromhavingStella · 26/08/2012 00:46

No pictish not rude or aggressive-these forums are a nightmare as the written word doesn't come across as it would be said...............

WorraLiberty · 26/08/2012 00:47

No Barred it's not unreasonable at all.

But if the man you claim to love gains weight and you feel you're no longer able to have sex with him, that for me sounds like a very shallow thing.

Horses for courses and all that....

Initial attraction and being attracted to someone you claim to love are two extremely different things to me.

I wouldn't walk into a pub or restaurant and say Phhwwoaar look at that fat guy, he's fucking gorgeous.

But because I already love my slim DH, if he gained weight I wouldn't love him or want to have sex with him any less.

GlassofRose · 26/08/2012 00:47

Worra - Totally agree. Two people can be a size 14 and one could be in the overweight bmi category whilst the other is regarded as healthy!

I think most would admit that they do not find overweight people attractive. However, making comments about random strangers weight isn't a particularly nice personality trait. The thought of an overweight person hearing nasty comments is horrible but it says far more about how vacuous the person saying them is.

Your fella might find you attractive, but it would appear your looks are of most importance to him. If he's stating he's willing to end a relationship if you gain weight, do you really want to have to watch your weight for the foreseeable future?

There are many reasons people put on weight. Yes, many people may just eat too much portion wise, or too much of the wrong thing. However, illnesses, medication etc can all cause weight gain. Do you really want a partner who isn't willing to stick by you through any of those?

Krumbum · 26/08/2012 00:47

Worra 'fat' isn't a scientific term.

lilolilmanchester · 26/08/2012 00:48

he can't abide my being fat because I have a choice.. about what I eat/drink and how much I exercise. That doesn't make him shallow - just impatient that I don't have as much self-control as I should have.

BarredfromhavingStella · 26/08/2012 00:50

Did I not state on my 1st post that I am very shallow, Christian Bale or James Corden-it's a no brainer for me or to give it different spin, an Aston Martin or a Ford Fiesta................ Hmm

Krumbum · 26/08/2012 00:50

I think a lot of men in particular would feel like they can't admit it if they do find big women attractive. It's seen as taboo which is ridiculous. Other men will mock men who sleep with big women.

squoosh · 26/08/2012 00:51

There was a thread here a few days ago that said something like 'Are you 5ft 9" weighing 11 stone, is so what clothes size are you?'. The replies ranged from size 10 to size 18.

Bodies can be the same length and weigh the same and yet have drastically different shapes.

GlassofRose · 26/08/2012 00:52

Worra - have to disagree that lack of sex when a partner gains weight is shallow. Often when somebody puts on weight they become insecure about it. Insecurities often ruin the mood.

squoosh · 26/08/2012 00:52

Christian Bale is meant to be a crazy loon and James Corden has a colossal ego . . . . . I'm sticking with Michael Fassbender.

BarredfromhavingStella · 26/08/2012 00:53

BTW Sqoush I'm feeling twatishly twatish so thankyou (Yes DH Has pissed me off & no I haven't had any stella Grin)

BarredfromhavingStella · 26/08/2012 00:54

Don't give a shit how crazy he's meant to be-I require a fuck from him not a relationship.

squoosh · 26/08/2012 00:54

lilo I feel really sad for you, it sounds like you're just repeating lectures your partner gives to you. By the sounds of things you do want to shed some weight but it's much easier to do that when your partner is being supportive rather than turning up their nose in disgust.

BarredfromhavingStella · 26/08/2012 00:55

& yes Michael Fassbender is also quite moreish

Krumbum · 26/08/2012 00:55

Lilolilmanchester. It is shallow to care about the tiny specifics of how someone looks. Who says you should be eating differently? Him? He's very controlling. Yes you do have a choice, a choice that should not be dictated by him. I would not want to be in a relationshiop with someone so selfish, sexist and intolerant. Not everyone thinks
skinniness=attractiveness either, just because he thinks that doesn't make it fact.