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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stay with a man who hates fat women?

308 replies

grips · 25/08/2012 23:46

just that really. i have a partner and he is very vocal about his disgust for overweight people and women in particular. he says that hes sure they are nice people but he cant help but judge them for being overweight. i always pull him up on it but it really bothers me.

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 27/08/2012 01:01

I wouldn't leave him for that but i would continue to object to the comments

I suspect his attitude is borne out of insecurity. Although i would never make a comment about someone's weight I will admit on here that i find overweight peoplevery unattractive and i always notice and think negative things when i see them. I can't imagine fancying anyone overweight. So i am no different to your boyfriend except that i wouldn't say it aloud.

But the reason i think like this is due to
a) growing up with a very obese parent. I was bullied because of this and became ashamed of the parent and would try to avoid being seen with them. Since leaving home i have tried to introduce as few people as possible to this parent.there are associated health and hygiene issues and i sometimes feel overwhelmed just at the thought of having them in my home.
b) my entire self worth is wrapped up in my weight and body shape. If i am not the thinnest in any given group i feel totally miserable, fat and ugly. Being thin ismy biggest personal priority.

None of that alters the fact that i am shallow and judgemental but it does mean that i hate myself for it as much as anyone else could ever hate me for it. Maybe your boyfriend is like that.

So, if all else is well with the relationship, i would try to help him, not end it.

carernotasaint · 27/08/2012 01:04

So, if all else is well with the relationship, i would try to help him, not end it.

IMO life is too short for this.

carernotasaint · 27/08/2012 01:11

Mrs Whiskerson that man you mention in your post. My God i dont know where to begin. He is psychologically mentally and emotionally abusive. Even that doesnt sound like a strong enough description of what ive just read. He is controlling and sounds fucking dangerous.

Mrswhiskerson · 27/08/2012 01:23

I would leave him just for the fact he has pretty much admitted he loves you as long as you look perfect, that is not love and never will be give yourself the chance to be happy with someone who love you no matter what. Very insecure people will try and batter other people's confidence until they feel as bad about themselves as they do.

Manicinsomniac , the people who bullied you are ainsecure idiots please don't let them ruin your relationship with your parents you only get one set , Are they good loving parents? Could you support them into a healthier lifestyle or exercise with them? It seems a very sad situation for all involved .

Mrswhiskerson · 27/08/2012 01:31

I know I hate him on a cellular level , he is only averagely good looking but my god he thinks he is a god , his poor wife was in size six jeans straight after giving birth and she has a haunted hollow look to her I feel like begging her to come live with me to get away from him she is beautiful intelligent and nice it's awful to see her so bony looking and her hair is thin and wispy, he has made it very clear he likes extremely thin women , his ex was on suicide watch when he left, what does that tell you about he must have done to her mentally?

carernotasaint · 27/08/2012 01:34

What an absolute cunt.

Christ even that is not a strong enough word.
It is horrifying what he is putting his poor wife through and his ex wife.
How is his ex now?

Leena49 · 27/08/2012 07:15

My DH loves fat women. Only problem is I'm not! I'm sure he would definitely prefer it if I was size 20 and not 12!

Mrswhiskerson · 27/08/2012 08:18

Carernotasaint you couldnt be more right She is happy and has put a bit weight back on and looks much healthier , it has taken a long time though but I'm glad she managed to claw some of her self esteem back,

PooPooOnMars · 27/08/2012 09:01

I would leave him just for the fact he has pretty much admitted he loves you as long as you look perfect, that is not love and never will be

I agree.

NoMoreNotNever · 27/08/2012 09:49

Some (ahem) decades ago I was stopped in London by a researcher for a women's magazine, asking about body issues. One of the questions was basically "do you consider yourself too fat?".

Too fat? Too fat for what? For some made-up assumptions of my own about what other people I don't know might possibly think about how other people should look? Was my hair also the 'right' colour, my clothes fashionable enough for a particular section of people who also found those things fashionable; what about my face, was that good enough? My job, where I lived, who my parents were? How are you possibly going to please all these unknown people who all have different views anyway? My friends and family don't actually grimace when they see me coming, and that's good enough for me. Grin

p.s. I was a size 10 at this time, which may explain why my exasperation at the question lingers after all these years.

SoleSource · 27/08/2012 12:24

Iwas n Sainsbos just now buying a pat of butter. The man behind me shouted, 'Doesn't she realise that she is OBESE',. I knew he was talking about me. Just me, him and his female companion in the shop. Small branch of Sainsbos in Brum.

Shallow, sad, abusive, inadequate cunt.

squoosh · 27/08/2012 12:27

SoleSource I am truly shocked that someone would make such an abusive comment to a complete stranger. There is no excuse. None. How upsetting for you.

He sounds like a cunt amongst cunts.

Did you respond?

WorraLiberty · 27/08/2012 12:30

I think I would have turned towards him, nodded towards his female companion and said, "Doesn't she realise you're a mouthy wanker?"

SoleSource · 27/08/2012 12:33

I didn't tedpond sqioosh and Woora, thank you for your reolies.

I just felt bad. I probably won.t go out in daylight until Friday now.

Oh well....sigh.

Just been to an outdoor gym too but the equipment needs oiling.

That has pissed me off tio plusanother agopkeeper was rude to me today.

SoleSource · 27/08/2012 12:34

Please excuse my typos doh!

habbibu · 27/08/2012 13:13

Oh, Sole - don't let him beat you. Fuckers like that should be in their own ghetto where they can poke each other with spiky sticks. If it happens again tell him your main diet is fuckwits. Sauteed in butter. And then grin.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 27/08/2012 13:31

SoleSource

I do wonder what is so lacking in some people's lives that they have to pass judgment on others to feel they have any value at all.

On the other hand he might not even of had that depth and was just a complete twunt.

dontcallmehon · 27/08/2012 13:43

I wonder why he has to be so vocal about it. I have never really understood why someone else's weight is a) anyone else's business and b) some kind of moral issue. Fair enough if he isn't attracted to fat people, but if the person you love puts on weight it shouldn't stop you loving them.

There is also no need whatsoever to make disparaging remarks about other people. I'm sure they already know they are fat :(

dontcallmehon · 27/08/2012 13:44

Solesource, just read your post. How inadequate is that 'man?' Why say something like that?

carernotasaint · 27/08/2012 16:10

And here is a good example of the mysogyny discussed upthread.

www.arrse.co.uk/naafi-bar/186533-mumsnet-relationship-forum-like-reading-jeremy-kyle-34.html#post4587407

Youcanringmybell · 27/08/2012 17:52

I have been reading that site virtually all day...
It is an eye opener. Certainly not doing themselves any favours and if any of them were lucky enough to have wives, they would shit themselves if she saw what they have been writing on t'internet.

squoosh · 27/08/2012 17:56

Ugh, they're vile. It would be an awful shame if this was to be brought to the attention of someone in a position of seniority to them.

Just awful.

Youcanringmybell · 27/08/2012 18:04

I think a leak to the papers would be far more effective. The disabilist thread in particular is gross.

But then what do we harridans know?

NovackNGood · 27/08/2012 19:42

This site is full of anal sex tips and mysandry too.

LurkingAndLearningLovesCats · 29/08/2012 00:25

You think the anal sex tips are comparable? really? Shock Are you a member of that site?

Not going into the misandry argument again. There's been like five threads on that this week.

Swipe left for the next trending thread