to stay with a man who hates fat women?

[grips]

just that really. i have a partner and he is very vocal about his disgust for overweight people and women in particular. he says that hes sure they are nice people but he cant help but judge them for being overweight. i always pull him up on it but it really bothers me.

Finding out my DP was a bigot would probably kill any attraction I felt for him - and probably lead to him quickly becoming an ExP.

The inability to understand, or even consider, that other people are worthy of respect and kindness regardless of how they look (especially when you don't know the detailed circumstances of their lives), well, it's a rather repulsive trait.

i just havent got the confidence in my body. When you have grown up thinking you are not good enough it leaves its mark.
As a teenager and younger child i always loved to read books. Still do. I like to talk about books music and culture. Im also quite politically passionate. I have tried to talk to my mum about this but she just shuts me down and starts talking about diets,how much weight ive lost, what Kate Middleton is wearing or the latest celebrity fad diet/scandal thats appeared in the Mail on Sunday. i also got persecuted at school for being different in my interests to other girls. God knows what its like for young girls/women now.

My heart goes out to that 17 year old girl mentioned upthread. It sounds to me that she is already becoming ill because of what her mother is putting her through.

Echo was LifeisSweet and others have said.

Everyone has preferences, that's how people are and is just part of life I think.

What's not ok is to treat people as having less 'value' (can't think of a better way to put it) because of something like their size. It's the same kind of mindset as being, say, racist. It's a prejudice - and that says something about the kind of person you are.

Not a good quality to have.

Oh, man - go to Italy! Seriously, otherwise tossers like OP's partner get what they want, to have all of us who don't match their stupid image to stay out of sight. Well, Fuck that, frankly. Go, eat ice cream and ace food and have a ball.

Italy is one the whole far thinner than the obesity of the UK. The problem in the UK is the vanity sizing has let everyone think that they are still as they were but in fact they are 2 or 3 sizes larger than they were and of course many many more are far larger than that.

Sure eat ive cream and have a ball and they spend your days as a new grandparent wheeling around an O2 tank breathless unable to play with your grandchildren missing out on it all, needlessly because of your own bad diet and over eating.

How many people do you know that go around with an oxygen tank Novack?
Stop exaggerating for effect.

I assumed people had oxygen tanks because they had some sort of lung condition. I'm a size 16, so will enquire whether I require one next time i see the GP.

Lol!
The only two people I've ever known to have an oxygen tank did indeed suffer from lung conditions.
Still...like Quangle I will enquire about one to haul after my bloated size 18 body next time I'm at the GP. For no other reason than to illustrate Novack's no-foundations-in-reality point.

dumbass

Novak - nasty, unnecessary and faintly ridiculous. You would get on well with the OP's bloke. You are lucky if you have no problem with food or your weight. Whatever you might think, no one chooses to overeat and be overweight. Why on Earth would anyone choose that with people like you around to judge them?

No - people are often overweight because of all sorts of complicated and personal reasons. Over eating - and undereating - is often a form of self-harm. People do not self-harm for no reason.

Obviously, what people really need is a harsh kick up the bum. That will sort it all out.

Er...no it won't. Now go away and be nasty somewhere else.

Also, Carer has already said she has lost 10 stone. I'll say that again: 10 STONE!!

That is not a person who is overeating, lazy or undisciplined. She should be massively applauded, not given that sort of crap.

"I respect you less every time you do that", personally I'd choose "I feel repulsed by you now, please dont touch me or I will vomit in your eye"

Genius!

Op. He sounds like superficial arse.

Has anyone read Caitlin Morans book How to be a Woman. She writes about fat in one of the chapters.
She used Keith Richards as an example. She said if his addiction had been Subway sandwiches and if hed walked on stage with one of them in his hand instead of having a more "cool" drug addiction he woudnt have been revered as "cool" and would have been thought of very differently.

I want to go to a theatre and see a play ive never done it
I want to go to my first gig.ive never done it.
I want to make love again one day.
All things i intend to do.
Italy does not figure in my plans and never will.
Am currently a size 18 and on a healthy eating plan Novack.
i dont eat ice cream i eat small pots of frozen yoghurt and only when its blisteringly hot like last weekend.
But you are not teaching me anything new Novack. I learnt a long long time ago that you dont have to be a man to be a mysogynist. You just confirm what i already knew thats all.

get some fat mates around to squash him a bit.

Grandchildren? What grandchildren? Im 39 and not a mother.

Plenty of size 16s and 18s in my family. And a mysognist for a BiL. Sad thing is, now that he's fat and bald, nobody will give him the time of day. For all the years he was rude, intolerant and made my ds's life a nightmare by selfishly being intolerant of her family and friends. Kissing a fair few frogs taught me a lesson. Look at how your dp treats other people - that will give you an idea of how he will treat you in later life.

Bloody hell, novak - I was talking about a 2 week holiday in Italy, not some kind of intensive pie eating training camp. I don't think anybody's grandparenthood has been materially damaged by a couple of weeks eating holiday food. Or perhaps you really, really like to let your hair down?

My DH has gained a LOT of weight in the last 2 months. I'm overweight too, a size 18, although I am nearly 6ft tall. I expect some of the posters on this thread would laugh and sneer and pass judgment on us too.

But you can't tell by looking at us that DH is on a high dose of steroids for a chronic and potentially life-threatening illness which could have caused him to go blind, and has left him with permanent lung damage. You can't see the arthritis in my spine and feet either which I've developed over the last 2 years, which has severely restricted my mobility and resulted in me gaining 2 stone.

Every time I look at my tubby DH I give a silent prayer of thanks - the reason he is very fat ATM is because his illness is treatable. We were afraid he was going to be having chemo by now (and getting very very skinny indeed). We were told by his GP following an MRI scan 3 months ago that he was almost certainly suffering from lymphoma. We had 6 weeks of hell thinking he had cancer and preparing ourselves to tell family and friends, before a lung biopsy showed he has sarcoidosis.

So, in some circumstances, being fat is a VERY GOOD THING.

I hope you didn't not go to the gigs and the theatre because of your weight. It's sad if the nasty misogynists got to you that much.
Novack the people on oxygen tanks usually have bad sleep apnea. And you are talking about a tiny minority. It's also none of your business.

Novack - I had a friend who was very overweight and had an oxygen tank. That's because she had a terminal lung condition and failing kidneys. Just as well she didn't have to deal with judgmental arses after all dying slowly in your 30's is hard enough without people assuming that you are just a bit lazy with your eating.

its just things ive never really had the oppurtunity to do. But im hoping that i will one day. id love to go to the theatre and see a play. But sometimes you do get into the mindset of "i will do that when im slim." Not so much anymore because since posting on mumsnet and finding support here i see things differently. You only get one life.

I wouldn't like it either. It's just disrespectful and nasty. I'm sure that everyone has preferences in looks about the opposite sex but to outwardly hate/be disgusted by a group of people is just awful and totally different IMO.

I don't think I could be with someone like that. It ranks pretty much the same to me as being racist (for example). I wouldn't want to go out with a racist person. It doesn't matter if their prejudice would never apply to me, it would be abhorrent that they had it in the first place.

Sound like he is comparing other peoples outside with his insides he is very insecure because he needs to put other people down to make himself feel better some of the most insecure people I have ever met come across as very confident and outgoing but dig a little deeper and it's not always the case.
He would just be friends with you because he could not bear to be seen with someone who is not perfect for fear of what it would make him look like ,
Run now before some skinny young lass catches his eye and provides him with the ego boost he needs , I have seen that exact thing happen with a man who has that exact attitude , he left his wife who he bullied into anorexia for a girl half his age married her and now in restaurants she asks his permission before she orders and has gone from a beautiful slim girl to a skeleton it's scary to see.
His ex however looks happy and healthy again but it took a long time to get over the damage he had done to her confidence amd life is far too short to live on salads .

Ps try eating a deep fried mars bar in front of him I bet the look on his face would be priceless .