to stay with a man who hates fat women?

[grips]

just that really. i have a partner and he is very vocal about his disgust for overweight people and women in particular. he says that hes sure they are nice people but he cant help but judge them for being overweight. i always pull him up on it but it really bothers me.

I don't think we should judge people for being overweight because it has nothing to do with you. And it's laughable that you think they arnt already harshly judged every day.
Repulsive is a strong and very offensive word. I'm glad you don't work with the sick people who disgust you so much anymore.
I don't judge smokers cos I'm not an arse and it had nothing to do with me.

I also see your point, Amybelle and, although I may disagree in part with your opinions, I can accept them. I think judgement of anybody's behaviour is unhelpful - be it drinkers, smokers...etc. I think there is always a root to the behaviour that needs addressing. People don't do self-destructive things like this for no reason.

However, the OP is not talking about super-obese people. From the way she described it, I imagine she's talking about people bigger than a size 12/14.

..and yes, it may come a point when someone is gaining serious amounts of weight that some tough love (but love nonetheless) is required. But that should come from a place of support and understanding, not from condemnation and judgement.

This is nothing at all to do with laughing and commenting on chubby people and proclaiming them 'disgusting'.

and what Krumbum said ^

Well,.if we're all being honest, I think shallow smug people are disgusting. I mean, there's no need to be that way, is there? Just step away from the nasty conversation, work at being a decent human a bit more, try to be a bit less bloody stupid. Etc etc.

And that, op, is pretty much what I'd say to your p.

Lifeissweet - Oh no, The OPs man is out of order. I don't condone what he said at all. I understand not finding being overweight attractive, but yeah what he said isn't nice at all.

Exp hares fat people and women especially. He was definitely a misogynist and generally not a nice person. He saw fatter people as having failed in life in general. He was continually rude about overweight family members and failed to see they were loving and supportive and frankly more fun than him. He was very active and a body builder etc - he thought that made him somehow superior. It doesn't and I don't miss him!

What habbibu said

Body builder! Now it really isn't attractive to spend that much time and effort just on ones appearance.

He sounds really messed up and that's what would worry me. A mentally and emotionally strong person is not bothered by another person's appearance. And when a person's weakness infringes on your access to an enjoyable life then yes, it's time to consider reducing contact with them.

thanks for all the views.

he would never ever voice these opinions publicly of course. just to me as part of a private discussion. it just doesnt sit well with me because i dont agree with his views. i notice fat people in the same way that i might notice someone who was bald or in a wheelchair or shouting loudly or wearing a bright yellow top. it doesnt register with me any more than that. so the constant comments become very wearing.

It's the fact that he thinks like that that makes him unattractive, though. I couldn't be with someone so, well, pathetic.

Well, let's just hope that you never become ill or have a medical condition or even just put on a bit, eh? cos you know right now where you stand.

btw - if you're planning on a future with him, might I suggest finding out where he stands on illness and disability? Accident that leaves you looking differently? That sort of thing.

Is it just if you got fat that he would dump you, or would you be out on your ear if a car crash left you disabled or disfigured? Or would you be gone if a serious illness left you needing care?

You need to know these things. He's been very clear and upfront that looks are that important to him. Fair enough. It's his right to feel that way and it's better you know. It's just that you also need to know if you'd better start praying you never get ill or have an accident!

Or that if you have children with him, they may not reach his exacting standards.

If anything these orrible people should judge fat men more than fat women! But they dont, they hate fat women. Men naturally carry less body fat at a healthy weight (we need it for our hormones) and men don't carry and give birth to children! I don't judge either cos why would I care what weight someone is but at least do it with some logic not just blind sexism.

Krumbum - the 'essential' gym sessions at obstructive time of the day and steroid use made him even less attractive!

Op- I wore a man like this down until his views more more socially acceptable and that in itself was exhausting. Now we have split he will relish into resuming his hating of all kinds of groups especially the over weight. I am intensely worried about how this will affect dd as she gets older because I want do much for her to grow up a loving, accepting and non judgemental person with enough self esteem not to need to knock others to make herself feel better - which is what he does be warned......

I can only comment with my own opinion - OP - your partner sounds like he is insecure. I wouldn't dump him but I would hold back alittle and try and see if he would be willing to be 'educated' a little on the brilliant thongs that make us all different and unique.

I do not have a type. The MOST attractive thing in a man for me is intelligence and charisma. Any man that makes me laugh and can hold his own in an intelligent conversation is a turn on for me!

Your Partner needs reminding of how looks are not everything - in the end we will all be a little overweight, grey, wrinkly and infirm.

I have an acquaintance like this, whose daughter, at 17, is so miserable about having to measure up to her mother's idea of perfection that she's pulled out all her eyelashes and put on about two stone in a year. Everyone (apart from her mother) can see what the problem is... Her mother has actually told a mutual friend that she is 'embarrassed' to be seen with her own DD because of her appearance.

What The mother needs to remember is what might happens when she gets into old age. The daughter could well be choosing her nursing home. Thats if the daughter sticks around that long. I reckon her mum will end up a lonely old lady.

My mum is a bit like this. I lost ten stone going from a size 28 to a size 12. I got given two size 10 skirts.
Whatever you do people like this will never find it good enough. My mum wants me to go on holiday with her in 2014. Now its a very mysogynistic looks obsessed country. I dont want to go. Even though it would mean finding out more about my heritage i dont want to go. So i wont be going. And i make damn sure it wont happen by not having a passport.

What country? Just wondering. It's worth going imo and flaunting your body that your mother doesn't deem good enough because she is wrong!

I think it's okay to have personal preferences but to go on about it - no, that's not on.

I'd want to know where this is coming from. It's not usual to spend such a lot of time thinking about other people's weight.

OP _ I would just put a phrase that sums up how you feel about it on repeat each time he eye rolls, comments or laughs. Something like "I respect you less every time you do that", personally I'd choose "I feel repulsed by you now, please dont touch me or I will vomit in your eye"

FWIW I am fat but I never fancied fat men. We all have preferences. I don't laugh at people who I find unattractive though.

Oh sorry i shouldve said. Its Italy.