to want another child although strictly speaking we can't afford it?

[melonandpapayaandmango]

If we had a fourth, no one would starve, no one would go barefoot and no one would be homeless.

DD is 5, DS1 is 3 and DS2 is only 3 months. I've always wanted a big family, DH was happy with 2 children but I persuaded him to have a 3rd - he agreed and now he has said he likes the idea of an even number.

at the moment my two older children share a room (DS2 is in with us) but we hope to move house in the next 2 years but it would probably be a 3 bedroom property meaning the two boys would still have to share - a third DS would go in with them, a daughter would share with DD.

it's mainly the living space - any thoughts?

I don't think sharing a room will do any harm. Actually, I am shocked anyone would see it as a problem - I think it's normal. I shared with my sister.

If that's the only thing worrying you then I think you should go ahead.

My husband is the youngest of four so I'm slightly biased.

He had an amazingly happy upbringing and his siblings all have at least three children. They are all still very close and we and all of them, including his parents, live within an hour of each other.

I love his family and even though they "did without" (family visits instead of holidays abroad, never ate out, etc.) they are all fantastically well-adjusted and love each other a lot.

I think space is the main issue here - everything else will work itself out. If you will really regret not having a fourth, go for it.

Kayano, I completely agree about the better quality of life, however, everyone's version of "quality of life" will be very different, as we can see on this thread how everyone views on 40k differ.

And by the way, my DH earns a "high" salary but we could never, EVER afford independent school fees. We both work in education - it's sad really but normal people are priced out of independent schools unless you've got a scholarship. So I don't see that at all as "depriving" a child. You have to make do.

Going on holiday doesn't have to = going abroad, you know. Holidaying in this country can be just as expensive as flying overseas, - most posters are simply pointing out that it will be just one more expense that you will not be able to cover.
You may be happy with a spartan existence but your children, particularly when they reach teenage years may well not be.

It has been interesting. We do have a relatively small mortgage as well, which helps, although obviously that would change if we then subsequently moved to a bigger property, but then hopefully DH would be earning more and I'd be earning something, at least!

Everlong, thank you - I try!

Narked, believe me I have tried all sorts and while some have a temporary effect (affect?) none are foolproof. In any case, it isn't just the vomiting, as anyone who has had severe morning sickness will know, it's the nausea that is the killer and makes me feel absolutely dire.

But it isn't JUST the sickness - it's the fact we have so much going on at home that none of us feel the burning urge to leave. There's so much lovely stuff to do here I suppose

We earn 40k as a household

But that's going to reduce a lot

I would say we could afford 2 kids max,
We have 1 now.

But I love holidays and that would be a big quality of life sticking point for me

shallow and tanned

It's about your personal idea of what a good quality of life is. All that really matters is that you and your DH agree on it.

Everyone sets limits. For some people it might be making sure you can afford a house or a car or two cars or holidays or private schools. For others it might be about how much time and attention they have to give and eg having to work fewer hours if they don't have another baby, which allows them to spend more time with their current DC.

and enjoy it Kayano - why not, if that is indeed what you enjoy then I think you should take all the holidays you can, like I said before, we're all different and I think that's a GOOD thing! xx

You could easily have a couple of uk holidays on 40k for 6.They are only cheap so it wouldnt be like you would never go anywhere.

No, novack's gone quiet again. That's a shame, i would really like to know about this professional help suggested for people to overcome the urge to have another child. I haven't heard of this before. Has anyone else got any idea what novack is referring to?

Plus if anything happened re redundancies I wouldn't have as much to worry about

Plus the world is overpopulated as it is

I would have a few breaks in the uk (weekend/ centre parcs) but I am a child of the 80s and it ain't a holiday less than 40degrees

twonker, I'm wondering what she meant by 'Some people will do anything to satisfy their craving for a baby and it has nothing to do with love.'

What is it to do with then. Does she think some people want to eat them.

Spartan existence ha ha ha ha ha.
A teenage being satisfied ha ha ha ha

I was where you are oh about 4 years ago, we had 4yo DD1, 2 1/2yo DD2, 3 month old DD3 and we knew we both wanted another, due to BFing I didn't get a period until DD3 was 12 mo and was pregnant the next month.

They are now 8, 6, 4 and 2. Life is utterly hectic, we don't have any family support so just DP and I, DP works long hours during the week. As for after school clubs we currently spend about £100 a month on these. It's mad driving them everywhere. We have a Citreon C8 which I hate but does its job. We are also due to start an extension next month that will give us 5 bedrooms so one each.

I don't work, am always thinking of ways I can retrain etc but don't know if childcare and general logistics will prevent me doing so yet.

My children may not get holidays abroad or loads of designer clothes and shoes but I love having four

op i think you are thinking sensibly and looking ahead to the future and i think if you plan well you should be fine.

we have five children and a smaller income than you. it is fine, yes we budget so one holiday a yr in the uk. plus we go camping and visit relatives.

mine do a sport each, play an instrument and have swimming lessons. we plan and budget and save etc as necessary. extra money goes on the kids rather than dp and myself but that is fine.

it depends on what lifestyle you eant. your cost of living/where you live and what you consider essentials i guess?!

I remember being a teenager and being MORTIFIED to go into TKMAxx

Now I'm all 'TK Maxx and Primark are the best places ever! Looky, this was only £5!!' twirls

sweetkitty we also have a citreon c8 and dp doesnt like it and we are looking to trade it in.

seemef great to begin with but issues with the electrics etc are a pita!

I'm so sorry you had such awful holidays as a child.

Frothy, yes, it really triggered my bs detector.....

I personally wouldn't. You have 3 children and are about to move but space would be tight if you have another. It is not just bedroom space all unfortunately they dont stay in their rooms all the time and they tend to bring their crap with them.
You will need storage space for toys and clothes at the very least plus bikes, scooters and outdoor stuff. You will need space for a 6 seater table and then you have the joy of all the washing they will produce. How will you get it all dry in the winter? Tumble dryers cost a fortune to run and as they get bigger so the the clothes and bedding.
They you got to think as they get older you are never going to get 4 to agree on what to watch on tv or which game to play on the ps3 so it would be better to have at least 2 and the space for them.
As they get older the older ones are not going to want to do the things younger ones will be doing so again how many ways can you split your time.
Then you have the expense of just living. Gas and electricity are going up all the time, food prices are rising every week, council tax rises year on year, water meters cost a fortune and with 4 teens your meter wont stop spinning.
You say you are lucky and have a smallish mortgage but at the moment interest rates are at an all time low but they wont stay that way. Historically they tend to be around 7 to 8%. How will you cope then.

I have a friend with 4 they do cope but one unexpected bill tends to send them into a tail spin. The kids mainly get on but when there is a falling out their house is too small for them to get away from each other so no where to go and cool down. The older boy have struggled to find peace to revise for exams and younger ones get fed up being dragged to football each week as the middle on plays.

Wow can't spel, that is a very pessimistic view of a 4 child family. My friend has 4 kids and they live in a 2 bedroom house, on a low income, but the kids are great. They know about chaos, but they also know about helping each other, the littler ones learn from the older ones, and the older ones understand about little ones needs. These kids are growing up to know how to share, about family loyalty, and how to make the best of what they have. They are well cared for, do well at school, and are very sociable. They are loved by many people, not just their parents, and I'm sure they will grow up to be loving, caring, hardworking adults. What more can you ask for?