AIBU to think it's odd to ask for cash towards honeymoon as a wedding gift?

[Vagabond]

With a registered company who takes the money. I suppose it takes the pressure off but it does feel a bit odd to me. Second marriages - they have all the toasters they need so I guess it makes sense. How much to give?

Because 'well wishing' and 'celebration' has to equal a demand for cash for a holiday? Want to go on one, pay for it yourself or charge admisssion to your 'celebration' - it's more honest.

No, but it is nice to give a gift, what with being a 'friend' and all. And you may as well give one to your 'friend' that they want, rather then what you think they should have?

As a 'friend', I know what they like or would prefer without having to be told. I'd think, 'Oh, they've been living together a long time, I'll slip some money in a card.' But the assumption that your guests are only going to give you a bunch of tatt you don't want so they have to be told to stump up cash, it's the only acceptable gift, is just rude.

Have been to many second weddings and have been married three times myself. Have never received an invite for one with a gift 'request' of cash. That's beyond grabby, IMO.

But can you not see the impracticality of being asked 100 odd times what a couple want, when a polite note saying 'IF you were thinking of getting us something, this is what we like' would help everyone who was interested know without the hassle of contacting bride or groom?

Um, no, I don't see any impracticality at all. Only complete rudeness by issuing an invitation with a statement, any statement, that cash is the only acceptable gift.

Each to their own. I think you are confusing 'this is what we would like' with 'this is the only thing we will accept'.

I'm not confusing anything. Putting a statement regarding gifts in with an invitation is rude.

My db did this and yes it was a second marriage. I didn't partake and bought them a gift instead. We were broke and frankly I was too embarrassed to stick £30 in so bought a local artist hand made fruit bowl instead as I knew it matched the colours in their kitchen. If it hadn't been someone I was very close to I would have stuck the £30 in though.

In your opinion. In my opinion begrudging your friends a present they would like is rude.

Sherbetpips - that sounds a very thoughtful gift :)

I don't begrudge my friends, I know them well enough that they don't need to tell me what to get them as a gift. I'd not do that to them, either, because it's rude.

I think the assumption that because you are invited you will be bringing a gift is rude. And stating that only cash towards a holiday just shows zero manners at all. Very very tacky.

Every single person at my second wedding wished me well and were full of congratulations . I did not get a single present though . The two do not have to be linked.

It's not an assumption, it is the norm. I didn't give a rats ass who did or didn't give anything at our wedding, but where gifts were offered, they were appreciated.

I think if people find it tiresome to be asked 100 times what they would like. They don't deserve anything. How grabby entitled and hard faced. It gets worse.

expatinscotland Mon 27-Aug-12 20:36:53
Because 'well wishing' and 'celebration' has to equal a demand for cash for a holiday? Want to go on one, pay for it yourself or charge admisssion to your 'celebration' - it's more honest.

It's not tiresome, but it is embarrassing:

What would yob like for the wedding?
That's a lovely offer but we are all set up at home thanks.
Oh NO, we MUST get you something.
Honestly, we are fine, just come and have fun.
(guest getting cross) well I want to get you something so can you have a think and let me know?

X 100. For the hell of it? When you can easily pop a note in that saves guests the hassle of contacting bride/groom, that saves bride/groom the awkwardness of the above and clearly says these are ideas IF you were thinking of a gift.

On a side note, glassofrose, I would gladly contribute to a first family holiday as a baby gift. I'd be pleased as punch to have contributed to the lifelong memories a family holiday brings!

I agree , originally wedding gifts were about setting up home. When we were younger many of the wedding gifts were about setting up a home , buying dinner services, pots and pans etc.

However at my age many of the weddings you go to are second weddings and IME they tend not to ask for gifts because they have what they need . It does not mean that people think any less of them,

Another factor is that at least one of the people getting married has probably already had gifts . I can remember thinking just before I got married that last time down the aisle people had donated an obscene amount of money and quite frankly I would be a cheeky mare to ask for more ,

But 'popping a note' in saying, 'We want money' isn't embarrassing? Again, I know what my friends like or want without having to ring them, because you know, we're friends.

Maybe if people stuck to inviting those who mean something to them and actually know them, instead of all and sundry in order to increase numbers and funds, they wouldn't have the whole gift problem.

It's not tiresome, but it gets embarrassing:

What would yob like for the wedding?
That's a lovely offer but we are all set up at home thanks.
Oh NO, we MUST get you something.
Honestly, we are fine, just come and have fun.
(guest getting cross) well I want to get you something so can you have a think and let me know?

X 100. For the hell of it? When you can easily pop a note in that saves guests the hassle of contacting bride/groom, that saves bride/groom the awkwardness of the above and clearly says these are ideas IF you were thinking of a gift. I'd never think of a gift list as a set of demands, just suggestions for those who want a gift?

On a side note, glassofrose, I would gladly contribute to a first family holiday as a baby gift. I'd be pleased as punch to have contributed to the lifelong memories a family holiday brings!

Oops, double post, sorry!

But how many notes say 'we want money' compared to 'if you were thinking of getting us a gift then as a suggestion xxx would be appreciated'.

Again, it is a case of interpretation. Some view gift lists as a list of demands, others view it as a list of suggestions. I have had the is argument on a horse forum I regularly use. One member I clash with regularly gets very het up about manners and doing things 'because'. Her arguemrnt is that she may want to pass on a small piece of family jewellery or similar. My response is that does anyone really believe that if the gave a sentimental gift in place of a guest list/ cash request it would be sneered at? I would have been over the moon with such a gift!

It's the same thing, making an assumption about gifts when you issue an invitation. 'Come on over for dinner, but since it's the norm to bring something, I'd like some money, I already have plates, napkins, wine glasses and cutlery.'

I agree expat-it is exactly the same.

I just cannot understand the mentality of someone who is getting married and has realised that they do not need help setting up a home, but are so desperate to cash in they ask people to pay for a holiday.