to tell my fiance the truth before we book the wedding?

[DesperatelySeekingPomBears]

When DF and I first slept together I made the stupid mistake of telling him that he was my first whereas actually he was the fourth.

My ex made some rather unpleasant remarks about my sexual skills during a row after we broke up and, stupidly, I thought DF may think the same so lied so I'd have the excuse of inexperience.

However, we are now engages with a lovely 7mo DS. WIBU to never tell DF? Or if it were you would you want to know the truth?

Wig.

I think pretty much all of us can say the same. At one time or another!

Don't tell. Nothing good can come of it. Nothing bad will happen if you don't.

Well, if it was a non-issue between you and never mentioned or referred to then I wouldn't say anything.

But it is obviously a big thing for him, so I would tell him now rather than it coming bursting out in a moment of frustration in 10-15 years time.

I never count my 'first time' as my first time.

I said, 'Is it in yet?'
He said, 'Yes, I've come. Oh bugger, I've missed Robot Wars.'

That doesn't count, right?

I'm with bronze, I would tell him. But I would also be narked if he gave a damn about my past.

Don't tell him. You are only thinking of telling to make yourself feel better

I don't see why it is bound to come out. I don't see what relevance it has-now and the future are more important. An attitude like NovackNGood's would worry me far more.

I'd tell. If he understands why you lied he's great. If he cares, then I'd worry

Just tell him, It really doesn't matter, he loves you,so why would he care, why live life on a lie, these things have a way of finding their way out, far better that he hears it from you now, than gets a shock later down the track from someone else,

Unless all your ex are dead, and never told anyone, you will always wonder if he is going to come across the information anyway, it's such an unimportant thing, it might come up in a conversation, you don't know, so put it to bed, and tell him.

If anything it should show how serious you are about the relationship, because you don't want anything lurking that might jeopardise it.

Why tell him? It was all so long ago now and it doesn't really matter anyway.

I don't think my DH knows exactly how many people I've slept with nor me him. It's not really relevant to our relationship tbh.

Please don't feel guilty I'm sure he wouldn't have felt differently about you if he had known the truth from the start. Glad horrible ex is far behind you.

Tbh, if the situation was reversed and it was DP and I found out, it wouldn't be the fact he had slept with someone else that bothered me. It would be the lying repeatedly that would annoy me. If he could lie about something that happened before me, over and over again (would be different if it never came up again but with you saying you cringe whenever he refers to it, I take it it's something which has been brought up a few times), then what lies is he capable of about things whilst we are together?

I would tell him. I would prefer that than to hear my husband was a liar from someone else.

"You are a scheming and manipulative liar either way."

Lets hope he doesn't react in such an OTT and punitive way eh OP?

I wouldn't tell him but then I would be telling him to get a grip whenever he said anything about you "choosing" him to be honest. I agree with the poster who said that was creepy.

Wow

Were you his first ?

Eh ? Who are you talking to, haven't you even read the OP?

frumpet is asking if SHE was HIS first. The OP has only mentioned him thinking that HE was HER first. What is wrong with the question?

Don't tell. Confessions of this sort are rarely a good idea. Especially after all this time.

No I wasn't his first. I don't know exactly how many but he still more than doubles my actual figure.

Well then I wouldn't worry about it. You should have said at the beginning but I see why you didn't and I don't think its a massive deal now. Unless he is likely to run into one of your exes and compare notes, which is highly unlikely seeing how few of them there are!

Well in that case he cannot hold the moral high ground , other than the blatant fibbing

I'm surprised at everyone who is advising continuing to lie!

I couldn't live with this lie between us, I would be waiting to bump into an ex whilst with him. Here are the options:

• go into marriage with this lie hanging over you and live with the chance of your lie being blown out of the water by an ex

• tell him now and clear the air, go into your marriage with honesty.

Be honest and say you knew he had more experience and an ex told you , you were rubbish and you hoped that by saying you were a virgin , he wouldnt judge your performance too harshly

You already have a child together, so I don't understand your point about telling him "before the wedding". Surely having a child is more commitment.
So if he is upset with you what will happen? not get married and leave his child?