to tell my fiance the truth before we book the wedding?

[DesperatelySeekingPomBears]

When DF and I first slept together I made the stupid mistake of telling him that he was my first whereas actually he was the fourth.

My ex made some rather unpleasant remarks about my sexual skills during a row after we broke up and, stupidly, I thought DF may think the same so lied so I'd have the excuse of inexperience.

However, we are now engages with a lovely 7mo DS. WIBU to never tell DF? Or if it were you would you want to know the truth?

It intrigues me that there are all these people who haven't talked about past sexual encounters. Did you all have STI tests before you had unprotected sex then?

Yes actually we did.

But without TALKING about the past partners?

Abody that was to exotics! Glad someone else still thinks lying is wrong :)

no, it was over 20 years ago

you didn't do things like have STI checks back then

We also had the tests, but I already knew the numbers (and some of the names due to DH's irritatingly healthy ability to stay friends with people who he used to go out with)

What's to talk about?

oh, I have pretty good ideas of who he shagged before me

but there will others I don't know about

it's all uninterestingly vague, because I truly have no interest in how many

I suspect his tally may be lower than mine actually, but I really do not know and have no need to

Is he actually asking about this now, or was it a conversation some time ago that OP is still brooding on?

I wouldn't tell, the past is the past and you can't change it.

Chubfuddler, to me it was important to know how many had been relationships and how many one-night stands, and how many of them had been "safe" encounters and if any of them had subsequently been required to be in touch having been diagnosed with an STI.

We've never talked in detail about past sexual encounters but yes we did have sti checks, I've always insisted on them with any partner before we stop using condoms (have always continued to use non-barrier protection.) I've been with DP for seven years and we have annual checks as some stis can lie dormant.

Why the hell couldnt you talk about your past with your partner, sexual past included? Im baffled. Whats the big deal?

Nobody wants to know the nitty gritty, but to be in a position where you dont even feel comfortable to even have had a vauge conversation, even in a "was you first experience as bad as mine"... Why?

I suppose Im exceptionally nosey.

It's not a big deal. I just don't care about my husbands past. Why should I?

We both did < romantic>

I could have that conversation if I wanted to, that is my point

I don't need to know, I see no point to it

You dont care about your husbands past?

At all? Or you just mean sexual past?

Given that everyone knows how important it is to have safe sex I suspect your question is disingenuous.

I don't much discuss my sex life with anybody actually, and am not terribly interested in knowing how many people anybody has shagged

That was directed at chub

Sexual past certainly not. Why should I? I don't expect him to care about mine and would be quite cross if he did. We've been married a long time.

I already said we had tests. So knew we were fine.

I've no idea how many people DH has slept with either but that's not the point. If he had taken it upon himself to tell me I was the first I'd be pissed off to find out later it was a lie. I'd be less pissed off if he said at some point "actually that wasn't true, I was just insecure & trying to lower your expectations" I'd probably say "awwww, okay then, thanks for telling me." (and probably also "Don't ever lie to me again you chump")

would any of these interest you chub:

He had a child by a previous relationship
He had a history of infidelity
He had a history of being violent towards women
He had had sex with men
He had been an intravenous drug user
He had criminal convictions

Very odd to say none of that matters...

when I met DH the only people who had STI tests were the really promiscious people who had symptoms ...one of those boil things that turn out to be syphilis or summat

chlamydia was unheard of

AIDs was a new thing that only gay men got

there was no link with HPV and cervical cancer

pubic lice were mainly what people were worried about, and you could suss them out for yourself

yes, I am showing my age

Dear me. We've gone from not worrying about a number to intravenous drug user. My husband and I are v v vanilla. Perhaps if I had married Michael hutchence your concerns would have some merit.