to tell my fiance the truth before we book the wedding?

[DesperatelySeekingPomBears]

When DF and I first slept together I made the stupid mistake of telling him that he was my first whereas actually he was the fourth.

My ex made some rather unpleasant remarks about my sexual skills during a row after we broke up and, stupidly, I thought DF may think the same so lied so I'd have the excuse of inexperience.

However, we are now engages with a lovely 7mo DS. WIBU to never tell DF? Or if it were you would you want to know the truth?

Considering so many of you think that sexual pasts are irrelevant, don't matter, has nothing to do with their relationship etc, it is funny how you also all think she should lie about those things, and spin even more lies, if it really doesn't matter that much.

Withholding information because you don't think it is relevant is completely different to lying about something, and continuing to lie years later.

I'd just tell him OP. It really isn't anything huge is it.

OP, you said it was niggling at you.

If you don't tell him it will niggle for ever, and ever, and ever...

Got you clem. Totally misread what you said, sorry.

Kaboooom agree with your posts.

No offence sqoosh but if you believe someone valuing honesty and openess in a realtionship means they "are their high horse" then thats utterly ridiculous.

Why cant people see that its not about what she lied about. Its the fact she lied.
Does it actually really matter ? Lying is not the most evil thing in the world. Fair enough if she'd been sacked from her job and was lying to try and cover it up. Or she was having an affair and was lying to cover that up. Or she'd been convicted of theft after stealing a load of stuff from French connection.

She's not. She's lied about her sexual past. Like millions of people before her. Hardly justifies all the histrionics on this thread.

Hi there schoolworries

Ummm, no offence taken.

My 'high horse' reference was due to some people's frankly self righteous tone towards her. I agree it is unfortunate she lied but some people on here are being overly hellfire and brimstone for my taste.

That is all.

willnevergetalicense: I wasn't being sarcastic. I've seen it happen. Not worth the risk.

Ohdearnigel

If you dont value honesty and openess that up to you.

If you dont mind being a realtionship with a liar, well its your life to live. Nobody elses problem but your own.

I find your morals questionable in all truth.

Schoolworries, I assume that you have never, ever, ever said a tiny little white lie or omitted to tell someone something. Never told a friend they looked good when they look awful. Never told your DH that you don't want to have sex because you have a headache when actually you are cross because he didn't put out the bin. Never said "nothing" when asked what you're thinking about because what you really are thinking is private.

Oh well, I won't lose any sleep that you find my morals questionable. I find your posts to be rather self righteous and priggish so I guess we're even there

A white lie, is a white lie. The op is not a white lie.

No, I dont lie to my dh about anything. I was in a realtionship full of lies before I met dh and that realtionship deeply damaged me so I made a conscious decision not to lie.

My dh has lied to me though and it nearly tore our marriage apart. If he would have been honest over it the drama could have been 10% of what is was.

I DESPISE lying.

Lying tore my family apart. I know the pain lies cause and would urge people not to lie incase you go through the hell we have been.

Actually that was ridiculous of me to say I find your morals questionable as I dont know you

So I will apolgise for that. Sorry.

But you see school, I think it is a white lie.

It doesn't matter how many people she's slept with! To me, it is the same as saying "no your bum does not look big in that" when it does.

Only read first page but can't believe that everyone is advising against honesty. If your relationship isn't strong enough to outlast coming clean and you cannot be completely honest with your future spouse about the hard stuff I would not be looking to marry him.

And I would say this regardless of whether or not you might get caught.

I would tell him , if he were to find out another way it would look very odd indeed.

Cakebump- really? I class them in entirely different leagues

Would you also say if you found out your dp was lying about the fact he has slept with one of your friends before he met you, no worse than saying "your bum doesnt look big?"

That's a different example again, school.

I don't give a fuck if my DH has slept with 3 people, 30 or 300. If he felt he had to lie about it, I would be a bit surprised that he bothered with the lie, that's all.

Incidentally I'd rather he told me that my bum did look big but that's a whole other thread...

Its not about judging your partners past at all! No, no, no! Thats no my point at all. (I would be a massive hypocrite after all)

Its about the honesty. Thats all that matters.

But some things aren't worth all this hassle!

Yes, the OP should have been honest to begin with BUT

does it matter that she wasn't honest? Not really

should she fess up now? Not unless she wants to...

No-one is being hurt by this little lie staying where it belongs - in the past!

I think it is hurtful.

Dont you find it you know someone is a liar it does start to always creep into your mind... is there any more lies?

[faints that people wouldn't be bothered if their partners have slept with 300 people]

OK for example if DH asked me how many sexual partners I had, and I felt like answering, I could (presuming I've had a few I can't actually remember how many )

1. Guess at the number and round it down a bit, say if I think its around 50 I could say 35-40.

1. Tell the truth, that there's been a lot, but I can't remember

1. Tell him to get stuffed it's none of his business

1. Tell an outright lie that I know is not true, say 10. Or 20.

I would probably do 3, but 2 is the God's honest truth. But if I did 1 or 4 it wouldn't matter and if I had an attack of the guilts later I should keep it to myself!

blisterpack as DH seems to think I'm the one with the past in our relationship, I lay money on it being more like 3 :)

but WHY is not of his business?

Why is it something that needs hiding? I dont understand the need for secrey.

Why not just say "about 20. You?"

Actually it would deeply worry me if dh had slept with 300 women.

For a start he cannot be overly picky, has he slept with anyone I know, has he got an std, anybody pregnant and if he likes having that many one night stands then are they going to stop now we are together?