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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by these parents at dd's school

298 replies

EnterWittyNicknameHere · 21/08/2012 08:29

Setting myself up for another school run here. DD started primary school five days ago, and since then i've witnessed the following:

One mum has been late every day with her primary one child. She gets into the yard just as the last child in the line is going through the door. Her excuse? She was busy doing her makeup and tan, but LO's been ready since 8.00am.

Another mum works at a shop literally a one minute walk from the school. Her child is also in dd's class. She gets to the yard at approx 8.50am, deposits her child there and leaves him standing there hysterical, calling over at him, "I'm sorry X, but mummy has to go to work!"
Twice, i've seen her approach random mums in the yard saying, "Excuse me. Do you mind watching him for a few minutes 'til the bell goes? I can't be late for work."
One of the mums recommended a breakfast club her own child used to attend, but the mum laughed and said she's not paying for 2 hours care when she only needs someone to mind him for a few minutes.

And finally, another mum told me she uses the breakfast club twice a week to give her a 'break.' She is a SAHM, has no other children, but early mornings don't agree with her apparantly. So she gets her husband to drop LO off at breakfast club (also a newstart primary one) on a Thursday and Friday at 7am so she can stay in bed. She's thinking of putting him in after school club too because she lives a twenty minute walk away and can't be arsed traipsing out in the rain to get him. so then her husband can just pick him up after work instead (her words).

I'm shocked! Really shocked. I'm new to the playground stuff, but is this normal?

I feel like the abnormal one by turning up with dd on time each morning.

OP posts:
NellyJob · 21/08/2012 12:54

true though

FutTheShuckUp · 21/08/2012 12:54

It wasn't bitchy at all

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 21/08/2012 12:56

No your absolutely right op it's shocking behaviour. Shocking.

I am more shocked than I've ever been in my life

Shocking

There is that better now?

NarkedRaspberry · 21/08/2012 12:57

*'What do you want? A blue peter badge?'

Grin
LookBehindYou · 21/08/2012 12:58

I imagine the OP has a bit more to worry about with her dc than party etiquette and lice. She would probably be happy to have such normal concerns.

DozyDuck · 21/08/2012 12:59

Op DS goes to school 'late' everyday, always has. It is pre arranged with the school as he can't do waiting with all the crowds of people around. Now he's in special he still goes 'late' because he can't wait in the taxi queue.

Smile

Things aren't always as they seem

LookBehindYou · 21/08/2012 12:59

You're right though. It wasn't a bitchy post. Just stupid.

NellyJob · 21/08/2012 12:59

what do you mean LBY?

Birdsgottafly · 21/08/2012 13:01

leave a 4yo alone in an open yard next to a main road

That is quite sad that no other parent wouldn't offer to help.

My mum used to have a bunch of children with her when she was a lolly pop lady, then another mum came and they stood with her. But that is how the area that ilive in works, we help each other out.

Moominsarescary · 21/08/2012 13:02

Wasn't a stupid post at all

Goldenbear · 21/08/2012 13:02

Hilda, organic packed lunches are not in the same league as leaving your 4 year old in the playground until school starts.

In life there are some people who are shit at being parents, some that are naturals and some that are average- like anything in life. I'm not saying this woman the OP talks of is a rubbish parent but people do judge things and situations in real life. It is only in MN that people come across as pretty unreal in being extremely objective all of the time- I don't believe this. I don't know anyone in real life that doesn't express an opinion about something or someone.

featherbag · 21/08/2012 13:03

Thanks LookBehind, I like to think so Grin

I don't think Hilda's post was bitchy, I think it's a rather accurate, if tongue-in-cheek, prediction of the OP's career as a school-gates-mum if she's already judging all and sundry by DAY 5! My world view is obviously a little different - as long as kids are clothed, fed and loved it's none of my business and certainly not my place to judge, I don't know what's going on in others' lives, and I wouldn't expect a stranger in a schoolyard to give me chapter and verse on the challenges of their family life. My own parenting isn't perfect, but my DS is loved and not neglected, so I couldn't give a flying fuck if other mothers judge and find me wanting. He's happy, that's all I care about. And if I see someone who's maybe struggling a little and I can offer help without offending, I will. Parenting isn't a competition.

LookBehindYou · 21/08/2012 13:04

The OP posted something quite judgey but mostly just earnest and keen. I am willing to bet a huge amount of you felt like that when you started at the school gate.

Goldenbear · 21/08/2012 13:04

Parents ending up helping each other once they got to know each other but you don't dump and run on the first day!

Tittywhistles · 21/08/2012 13:08

D'you know what?
sticking my head above the parapet here, OP probably like most of us, has looked through Mumsnet forum and noted the general noise on the chat and AIBU threads about others poor parenting and our own obvious 'whiter than whitedness' that passes for conversation, debate and opinion and has decided, perhaps mistakenly,not put her two pennorth in.

The only crime she's committed is writing it out loud.

Meh.

HildaOgden · 21/08/2012 13:09

Im saying that if,within 5 days of starting,the op already has a list of things that don't met her approval ,she is in for a very long haul.There will be many,many times that she encounters parents who do things differently to her standards..and complaining that a mother avails of a lie-in on the days the dad drops the child to breakfast club is one such difference...she would be wiser to accept now that people are different.Being annoyed that people use breakfast clubs,or wear make up,is just judgemental.

In regards to the 4 year old being left in the playground,no.It's not something I would have done either.But rather than just judging,I would have brought it to the attention of the teacher/secretary/principal and let them deal with it.

NellyJob · 21/08/2012 13:11

Parenting isn't a competition
not in an ideal world,no, but realistically yes it is, very much so.

Goldenbear · 21/08/2012 13:13

Yes and you frequently see the threads about some school parent, usually a mum, feeling unjustly put upon because they have been asked to help another parent with school drop offs or pick ups due to the parent working at these times. The responses are usually a resounding call for the OP not to commit to this help as they will end up resenting it!

FunnysInLaJardin · 21/08/2012 13:15

wow OP, I'll be avoiding you on the school run then. You are 5 days in and you have already made other folks business your business. At 5 days in I was still worrying about DS settling in never mind beaking into others drop off habits.

Megatron · 21/08/2012 13:17

Well I'm probably going to get totally lambasted here but anyway Smile. I don't agree with leaving a very young and upset child in a playground by themselves, poor kid. I think it's a bit crap to send a young child to breakfast club at 7 because mum wants to stay in bed I think it would make it a hell of a long day for a wee one. I can't abide tardiness so I always give anyone the death stare if they are more than 30 seconds late but I suspect that's my issue not theirs.

Having said all that, I am certain there are things that I do with my kids that other parents are horrified by so while I might grumble and tut at these kinds of issues I'm very aware that I am a far from perfect parent myself. I also have no idea what really goes on in others lives.

Floggingmolly · 21/08/2012 13:19

I'm a sahm, and my three all go to breakfast club because they want to.
They prefer to have a nice relaxed hour of mucking around with their friends rather than going straight into lessons. Wind your neck in.

MarthasHarbour · 21/08/2012 13:28

AIBU?

Yes you are

No i am not, you are all evil

Oh, ok then... Hmm

MarthasHarbour · 21/08/2012 13:30

and i see nothing at all wrong with the breakfast club SAHM - i want to be her! in fact when DS goes to school DH wants to factor in two evenings a week when he collects him. DH takes an active role in parenting in the Harbour Household

But then we are uber modern, out there and a little bit leftfield Wink

LtEveDallas · 21/08/2012 13:31

I DO have issues with people using it for the sole reason that they can't be arsed walking in rain or don't like getting up in the morning

Gawd, I'm interested now. Why OP? I don't get it.

The child is taken to Breakfast Club, by her father, twice a week. The child is taken to school, by her mother, 3 times a week.

I really cannot see an issue here, and am really interested as why you do? What is it that I am missing?

TantrumsAndOlympicGoldBalloons · 21/08/2012 13:34

When you find out LtEveDallas let me know cos I'm missing it as well.

Maybe it's a parents missing out on precious moments thing?