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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed by these parents at dd's school

298 replies

EnterWittyNicknameHere · 21/08/2012 08:29

Setting myself up for another school run here. DD started primary school five days ago, and since then i've witnessed the following:

One mum has been late every day with her primary one child. She gets into the yard just as the last child in the line is going through the door. Her excuse? She was busy doing her makeup and tan, but LO's been ready since 8.00am.

Another mum works at a shop literally a one minute walk from the school. Her child is also in dd's class. She gets to the yard at approx 8.50am, deposits her child there and leaves him standing there hysterical, calling over at him, "I'm sorry X, but mummy has to go to work!"
Twice, i've seen her approach random mums in the yard saying, "Excuse me. Do you mind watching him for a few minutes 'til the bell goes? I can't be late for work."
One of the mums recommended a breakfast club her own child used to attend, but the mum laughed and said she's not paying for 2 hours care when she only needs someone to mind him for a few minutes.

And finally, another mum told me she uses the breakfast club twice a week to give her a 'break.' She is a SAHM, has no other children, but early mornings don't agree with her apparantly. So she gets her husband to drop LO off at breakfast club (also a newstart primary one) on a Thursday and Friday at 7am so she can stay in bed. She's thinking of putting him in after school club too because she lives a twenty minute walk away and can't be arsed traipsing out in the rain to get him. so then her husband can just pick him up after work instead (her words).

I'm shocked! Really shocked. I'm new to the playground stuff, but is this normal?

I feel like the abnormal one by turning up with dd on time each morning.

OP posts:

Toughasoldboots · 21/08/2012 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrsjay · 21/08/2012 21:48

somebody asked pages and pages back dd starts back tomorrow , wooohoooo

NotaDisneyMum · 21/08/2012 21:51

Oh, we'll that's alright then golden because it's only children who benefit from sympathy and understanding - their parents are fair game to the OP who chooses to stand in self-righteous judgement.

OP, when you see a mum who is faced with the reality of leaving her DC in distress in order to keep her job, or a DC whose Dad drops him off at breakfast club because his mum is exhausted, or a DC who is late for school because her mum is dealing with self esteem issues having been bullied as a child, doesn't it leave you feeling grateful and appreciative for what you have?
You know nothing about those families lives other than what they have shared with you - it is the height of arrogance to assume so much that you can judge their motivation and values

PooPooOnMars · 21/08/2012 21:53

Obviously there are a LOT of mums out there who think it's okay to put physical appearance's before education

I think that's a bit dramatic op. The kids are 4? so i wouldn't be concerned for their education just yet. Its more a time of play and learning through play and making friends.

The child is only missing lining up time anyway, so doubt very very very much it would affect anything.

As for the child being left by the gates was it? Does no one person take responsibility? I would tell a teacher so that they are aware.

There was a child at my dcs school whose mum would leave them with someone else, who would then just bugger off. No one else realised until the child was hurting another one and no one stepped forward to tell him not to do it. Someone reported it to the school and they took it very seriously.

Mrsjay · 21/08/2012 21:55

I want to run up and hug notadisneymum for their post

Camusfearna · 21/08/2012 22:04

NotaDisneyMum - sorry, where in the OPs posts does it mention that the working mum is in fear of losing her job, the breakfast club child's mother is exhausted, or the late to school child's mother is dealing with self-esteem issues, having been bullied as a child herself?

Moominsarescary · 21/08/2012 22:08

I think what notadisneymum is trying to point out is the op has no idea why the parents are doing these things, there could be self esteem issues, she could be in fear of loosing her job. The op is judging people she doesn't know

Camusfearna · 21/08/2012 22:15

And NotaDisneyMum is doing exactly the same thing - nobody knows what the situation is with these people, so none of this is the least bit helpful. OP has said that the breakfast child's mother has said she couldn't cope without her ten hours sleep a night - I can't see where the argument that she could be exhausted comes from.

I think OP has had a very hard time on here and if she is being 'judgey' and 'bitchy' then she is far from
being the only one.

parabelle · 21/08/2012 22:20

I'm amazed your breakfast club opens at 7am. Wish ours did, could drop the kids off, get to work at 7.30 and be finished by 3.30pm. Would be great. Scotland you say...................

Goldenbear · 22/08/2012 00:09

NotaDisneymum, people should have compassion- of course and personally I don't waste my energy on judging peoples' punctuality or appearances but I would judge someone abandoning their child in that way. I would keep my judgements to myself but you have to draw a line and not cross it on certain things in life. You know your child will have to go to school at 5, you know it's coming, you have time to think about it. In this country you can't just say, 'fuck it they'll have to fend for themselves and rightly so. Life might be really difficult for the parent but the child doesn't have to pay the price for their parent's misfortunes. It is totally the wrong way to think, if a child in these circumstances is going to have a better chance in life than their parents.

Suggesting that people should appreciate how lucky they are because their children get to go to school, well I'm sorry but what does that do to help the children your talking about. There's no reason for a child not to attend school in this country and a child's right to attend and be looked after properly has to be upheld as they are the innocent party in these scenarios; their fate is determined by the adults who are responsible for them.

msnaughty · 22/08/2012 00:21

im often early to the school as my son likes to play about a bit before going into the main gate. often when i get there, theres a dad waiting with his dd. as soon as i get in the gate he leaves her. but he has never actually asked me to keep an eye on her. and i dont know him or the child.

JustAnotherSod · 22/08/2012 01:32

You've known these parents for what, 4 or 5 days at most and you have already decided you know enough about them to decry their commitment to their children and their education.

Look at it another way....

Mum 1 could be in an abusive relationship, or not long escaped from one. The one way she could face the world each morning is by 'hiding' behind a wall of make up and fake tan. Smeone notices, is she likely to speak the truth or hide behind a laugh, and slink home feeling worse than before because now she is letting her child down on top of everything else.

Mum 2 may be at her wits end. The bills may be mounting and her DP may be out of work. Not knowing how to cope, she does the only thing she can, dashing between school and work to stop herself getting sacked and the family home being repossed, Every morning she feels guilty and prays her sone stays safely in the playground, she is desperate to ask for help but again feels she is letting her son down even more now than before.

Mum 3 is maybe just not coping with life her long standing depression is pulling her down and the importance of decent sleep is an important part of the treatment. The support her family have agreed is time for herself to catch up with sleep and therefore feel ok about things. The child maybe loves Breakfast Club and certainly enjoys her daddy dropping her off a couple of times a week. Someone at the school gate quizes her on it and Mum 3 tries to laugh if off whilst returning home feeling she is letting her family down even more than ever.

Afraid I think YABVU. None of these scenarios may be true, but they have just as much chance of being so as your snap judgements. Show some heart, try to get to know the other parents at the gate and get some enrichment out of life instead of being so downright cruel.

SundaeGirl · 22/08/2012 06:16

YABU and astonishing sanctimonious. What was that pompous stuff about putting make up before education...? The child arrived at register, not like his mother is making him stay home all day cos she's busy doing her nails.

Urg, sexist sticky beak with all that mother can't 'be arsed' to get out of bed stuff. So what? Her at number 24 hasn't scrubbed her doorstep this week either, tut tut.

Oh, and for those who think the OP isn't stretching things to make herself look good, the child she is so distraught about being abandonned by this evil mother isn't 4yo. In Scotland, children don't start school until they are 5yo. Small point but it's part of OP's drama add-on.

MrsKeithRichards · 22/08/2012 07:03

Children.can start at four here, my son did! They start school the year (which runs Feb to Feb) they turn five. So they might be four but not just turned.

Can't wait for todays installment!

Bobolbach · 22/08/2012 07:05

This is why I am so grateful that I throw mine onto the school bus. I don't have to endure the playground gate thing, they are always on time (unless bus is late) any I can stay in my pj's until lunchtime if I want to!

Chandon · 22/08/2012 07:21

I think OP cannot have been on MN very long.

One of the fab things about this site, and one of the reasons I keep returning, is that is shows you how other people live, walk a virtual mile in their shoes.

I have been one of those mums myself, racked by guilt at putting my 2 year old into nursery every morning, despite not working. I had bad PND and would walk home sobbing, racked with guilt and feelings of failure. But was mostly able to present myself as a SAHM with no problems (you do not admit PND to someone you don't really know). So a mum in a scenario like that, I would assume PND, or anxiety issues or even MS or something. Most people just cope the best they can.

MaryPoppinsBag · 22/08/2012 08:21

I wonder whether breakfast club lie in Mum strikes a deal with Dad - 'you take them to school two days in the week so I can lie in then, I'll get up on the weekend so you can sleep in'

Seems like a good deal to me!

BlackholesAndRevelations · 22/08/2012 08:22

If you think those situations are bad, op, you have no idea and you're very lucky to have been sheltered from some of the situations class teachers see. We do not judge though, as then we'd be rubbish at a job that needs compassion and empathy above anything else. We feel sorry, and try to help as best we can. You're the sort of patent I'd judge, for being so judgemental yourself!

ssd · 22/08/2012 08:22

god almighty, all the pseudo psychologists are coming out the woodwork on this thread, its getting hilarious

mum one:mum one is suffering terribly and needs a face full of slap just to face the awful world outside, not she's a self centered bitch who makes her kid late whilst she slaps it on

mum two:well I've been up all night worrying about this one, she obviously has deep deep health issues resulting in her needing ten hours sleep and then a lie in, even covering it up by laughing about the fact she doesn't even work, not she's a lazy madam who cant get her arse out of bed like the rest of us

mum three: poor soul, another one with deep seated issues, works in a shop, cant afford childcare, is racked with guilt leaving her child screaming, not a chancer looking for a mug to dump her screaming kid on, oh no

and then the best of the lost, the self righteous posters screaming at the op for judging others, not at all what they do, they wouldn't judge a fly, not them, not until they've finished judging the op that is....

best laugh I've had in ages, keep 'em coming folks......

YouWithTheFace · 22/08/2012 08:37

To be fair, the schoolgate mums didn't put a post in the Mumsnet forum where you specifically ASK to be judged. She asked. Two hundred people replied.

LookBehindYou · 22/08/2012 08:37

There are some incredibly obnoxious posts on here in the guise of outraged self righteousness.

ssd · 22/08/2012 08:44

sundaegirl "Oh, and for those who think the OP isn't stretching things to make herself look good, the child she is so distraught about being abandonned by this evil mother isn't 4yo. In Scotland, children don't start school until they are 5yo. Small point but it's part of OP's drama add-on"

this is crap, I know plenty who started at 4yo, am in Glasgow

get your facts straight

Carrie1983 · 22/08/2012 20:00

OP You'd love me... I work term time only and my daughter goes to nursery. During school holidays, I not only still send her to nursery for every day she is registered for, but I also make sure she is there by 830am so she can say hello to all her little friends before she has breakfast there. She has lunch there and she also has tea there.

But hey, I am happy to be judged, I can take it, because I know that if someone is judging me then it means they know jack sh"t about my situation and so shouldn't really be judging me in the first place.

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