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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by these parents at dd's school

298 replies

EnterWittyNicknameHere · 21/08/2012 08:29

Setting myself up for another school run here. DD started primary school five days ago, and since then i've witnessed the following:

One mum has been late every day with her primary one child. She gets into the yard just as the last child in the line is going through the door. Her excuse? She was busy doing her makeup and tan, but LO's been ready since 8.00am.

Another mum works at a shop literally a one minute walk from the school. Her child is also in dd's class. She gets to the yard at approx 8.50am, deposits her child there and leaves him standing there hysterical, calling over at him, "I'm sorry X, but mummy has to go to work!"
Twice, i've seen her approach random mums in the yard saying, "Excuse me. Do you mind watching him for a few minutes 'til the bell goes? I can't be late for work."
One of the mums recommended a breakfast club her own child used to attend, but the mum laughed and said she's not paying for 2 hours care when she only needs someone to mind him for a few minutes.

And finally, another mum told me she uses the breakfast club twice a week to give her a 'break.' She is a SAHM, has no other children, but early mornings don't agree with her apparantly. So she gets her husband to drop LO off at breakfast club (also a newstart primary one) on a Thursday and Friday at 7am so she can stay in bed. She's thinking of putting him in after school club too because she lives a twenty minute walk away and can't be arsed traipsing out in the rain to get him. so then her husband can just pick him up after work instead (her words).

I'm shocked! Really shocked. I'm new to the playground stuff, but is this normal?

I feel like the abnormal one by turning up with dd on time each morning.

OP posts:
LookBehindYou · 21/08/2012 17:20

Sadly, I now find myself judging Sad

tethersend · 21/08/2012 17:30

I think you're all being very unfair to the OP.

Imaginary parents can behave awfully in the playground.

LookBehindYou · 21/08/2012 17:31

No idea what you mean tethersend

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 21/08/2012 17:37

As i said in my OP, her husband takes the child before he goes to work, enabling the mum to have a lie in. She was quite candid with her reasons for doing so actually, that's what i found shocking.

Really?! That's downright shocking. A MOTHER wanting a lie in?! Selfish bitch, how very dare she?

Have you explained to her that she is no longer entitled to lie ins, even when perfectly suitable arrangements have been made for her child? Have you explained how you don't have that priviledge? She should be kissing your little martyr feet. She can clearly only hope to be as good a parent as you OP.

msnaughty · 21/08/2012 17:40

with the mum who leaves her child with people how do you know she does not know them? i should think the mum feels bad enough that her child is crying and she has to go of to work.

with the stay at home mum. you dont know what going on for her...

with the child who gets there as the last child gos in. she's not late....

ThisisaSignofthetimes · 21/08/2012 18:01

Suspect in a few months time you'll back here asking why none of the other parents wants to talk to you at the school gate. Thank heavens my DD starts secondary school in a couple of weeks, at least can avoid the school gate judgey pants brigade!

WerthersUnOriginal · 21/08/2012 18:04

Thisis - secondary school is great for that. No more playground mums and no more badgering from the school. Relief! Grin

Mrsjay · 21/08/2012 18:07

I havnt been in a primary playground for 6ish year been fabulous . dds used to come home by them selfves by primary 5 ,

ThisisaSignofthetimes · 21/08/2012 18:16

Did make some really good friends through my DD's primary school years to be honest but did get the odd cats bum face, particularly from one mum as I confessed, I kid you not, to not ironing my tea towels!

Mrsjay · 21/08/2012 18:18

you dont iron your tea towels disgraceful Grin,

I have known some mums for years and at dds high school prom me and another mum who id known since I was at school both cried and our dds just tutted

ThisisaSignofthetimes · 21/08/2012 18:26

Not tea towels, bed linen or pants, I am a disgrace and should have been made to wear some sort of distinguishing mark, mind you it would have been creased Grin

ginhag · 21/08/2012 18:27

I've only sort of read this thread becauseI'mlazy BUT ds1 starts school soon. I struggle terribly with mornings as I have a chronic pain condition and have to take horsetranquillisers-- drugs that make me dopey and dry mouthed in the mornings.

As I will NOT be introducing myself with the words 'I am ginhag and I'm really not a junkie honest I have this horrible pain thing' (am self-conscious enough already) I guess I'll be judged by people like the OP. i also don't seem to dress like the other mums and can't be arsed to pretend to be someone else just to fit in. Can't fucking wait.

ginhag · 21/08/2012 18:28

AND I can't bastardfucking-- strike through properly today.

ginhag · 21/08/2012 18:28

Oh I GIVE UP.

NotaDisneyMum · 21/08/2012 18:45

Tell you what, OP, when the term starts here, you can spend a week in the playground of my local primary school, and then you will appreciate just how lucky you and your family are.

Families where illness, disability and/or addiction mean that any attendance is an achievement.
Mothers who apply make-up in the morning to hide bruises or scars from their DC's.
Mothers who leave their DC's in the playground before the bell goes so they can attend court or community service.

We live in a very deprived area - where attendance at school is a luxury for many DCs, and the kind of judgements you are making are laughable, in comparison.

Viperidae · 21/08/2012 18:47

I think we're all aware that some people may have good reasons for doing things differently, such as the child or the parents' health but I think the OP is just making the point that these parents are very blase considering it is their child's first week of school (assuming there is no reason).

OP I'm kind of with you, in as much as I would not want to do those things with my DCs but you have probably learned by now not to display your judgey pants quite so openly. As others have said you can prepare yourself for a good few years of this as there's nowt so queer as folk.

Krumbum · 21/08/2012 18:48

None of these things you have said are bad in any way. Some parents have to work, what's the issue? What's wrong with being the last one to get to school they arnt actually even late. Your very judgemental

Yellowtip · 21/08/2012 19:00

Haven't read the thread but I've always been late since my first DC started school. And I'm still regularly late nearly twenty years on. I couldn't care less if I'm judged - my DC have all done ok at school and don't get there so late that lessons have started (so there's no disruption to others). Life goes on. Some people are just late types, some are up with the birds. Does it matter?

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 21/08/2012 19:05

Where do schoools start back in the middle of August.....

OP, you will have a tough time if you are this judgey. What if your DC becomes friends with one of the kids with an "unsuitable" parent.....

LookBehindYou · 21/08/2012 19:09

In Scotland.

SpotLight · 21/08/2012 19:20

I can understand why you have found other parent's behaviour difficult to understand. I have, on occassions, got quite cross with other parents and their behaviour, but have developed a plan of action, which as long as it doesn't affect my daughter then it really has nothing to do with me! You are being judgemental and it is unreasonable to be so. If you continue to be judgemental then you are going to get more and more wound up and frankly that is no good for your little one. One way I try to not be judgemental is to interact with my daughter or maybe chat to another mum in the line (we have to line up!!) However I still get cross when the same old parents come in late with their kids or not wearing the correct uniform and then we get a letter saying that we should not let our kids be late or please ensure that your child is wearing the correct uniform!! But I guess that it is life isn't it! Wink

Tartymuffin · 21/08/2012 19:27

Many children actually get through the first week of school ok - and start to play up the second week when they realise it wasn't a fun little interlude...

Here's hoping that the OP doesn't discover this next week - when she's the one galloping into the playground as the bell goes, making her daughter allegedly "late" because said daughter decided to have a melt down as they were leaving the house, or went on a go slow.... Or even if she gets there in time her DD decides to get hysterical when she arrives and realises that she's getting left there again....

All kids have days like this - all parents have bad mornings. To pass judgement before you have chance to realise this is asking for trouble - because one day your child WILL be the one flying in by the seat of her pants (or "late" as you call it). She WILL be the one hysterical in the playground and you WILL have to leave her like that.

I hope noone judges you as harshly.

Goldenbear · 21/08/2012 19:44

NotaDisneyMum, she's judging the parents though not the children.

That said I don't see the problem with the 1st and third observations but I do think there is something wrong with leaving your 4 year old in the playground, crying due to being fearful in the situation and calling out to someone/ anyone to watch him, deal with his upset. That's fucking ridiculous and not the same atall as prearranging anothe parent to do this and is nothing like saying,' parents should not work'.

Camusfearna · 21/08/2012 21:05

I've just read this thread and feel so sad at the nastiness in it. I don't think the OP's post deserved quite such an avalanche of unpleasantness. And to be honest, there is more - much more - 'judgeyness' displayed in a lot of the responses than in the OP.

WildWorld2004 · 21/08/2012 21:13

Can i just say for all those who have asked or are thinking of asking.

In scotland our schools finish june/july and the next term/year starts middle of august.