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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by these parents at dd's school

298 replies

EnterWittyNicknameHere · 21/08/2012 08:29

Setting myself up for another school run here. DD started primary school five days ago, and since then i've witnessed the following:

One mum has been late every day with her primary one child. She gets into the yard just as the last child in the line is going through the door. Her excuse? She was busy doing her makeup and tan, but LO's been ready since 8.00am.

Another mum works at a shop literally a one minute walk from the school. Her child is also in dd's class. She gets to the yard at approx 8.50am, deposits her child there and leaves him standing there hysterical, calling over at him, "I'm sorry X, but mummy has to go to work!"
Twice, i've seen her approach random mums in the yard saying, "Excuse me. Do you mind watching him for a few minutes 'til the bell goes? I can't be late for work."
One of the mums recommended a breakfast club her own child used to attend, but the mum laughed and said she's not paying for 2 hours care when she only needs someone to mind him for a few minutes.

And finally, another mum told me she uses the breakfast club twice a week to give her a 'break.' She is a SAHM, has no other children, but early mornings don't agree with her apparantly. So she gets her husband to drop LO off at breakfast club (also a newstart primary one) on a Thursday and Friday at 7am so she can stay in bed. She's thinking of putting him in after school club too because she lives a twenty minute walk away and can't be arsed traipsing out in the rain to get him. so then her husband can just pick him up after work instead (her words).

I'm shocked! Really shocked. I'm new to the playground stuff, but is this normal?

I feel like the abnormal one by turning up with dd on time each morning.

OP posts:
NellyJob · 21/08/2012 13:35

But then we are uber modern, out there and a little bit leftfield
I hope that was ironic...
(vomits silently)

DoMeDon · 21/08/2012 13:40

I think it's more AIBU - you're a bitch for judging - no I'm concerned - no you're a bitch.

Most of the posters here have been very judgy of the OP - it's all a bit pot/kettle and little constructive.

I agree with poster about 'village to raise a child' - we should all be concerned for other DC's welfare. The mum who leaves her child with people she doesn't know is totally out of line. Whatever your personal circs, you cannot just say to someone you don't know 'please watch dc for a minute' - get to know people then ask, fine, but that's not what's happening.

DoMeDon · 21/08/2012 13:42

martha - why do you want to be her? Confused

Pandemoniaa · 21/08/2012 13:42

I suspect that the OP has shared, publicly, things that some of us may have thought but kept to ourselves! Mainly because experience and commonsense teaches you that you know nothing about the lives of the people you are so quick to judge. Also, life is rather too short to spend it getting angry over trivial stuff that's not your business to get bothered about. Your dd has only been at school for 5 days. If you carry on at this judgemental rate you'll combust long before she starts secondary school!

FunnysInLaJardin · 21/08/2012 13:42

tbh I would rather stay in bed than take my DC to school. I would not miss all that faffing and shouting to get them out of the house and to school vaguely on time (yes, I am that last minute though the gates mum). I would not miss it one bit.

Give yourself a few years OP and you'll soon tire of it, esp if you have another DC to contend with

DoMeDon · 21/08/2012 13:47

OP is just forming her opinion on what they have said though. She has kept her judgments to herself, except for voicing them her and she's had a flaying for it. Funny but all the people calling her names are also judging her.

Justme23 · 21/08/2012 13:58

I echo what others said about the next 14 years being a struggle.

People behave differently in different situations. I had huge issues with having to drop my child a nursery 5 days a week when he was a bairn, just to keep my job. It amazed me that a large percentage of stay at home mothers put their child in nursery to take a break ( from what exactly!!!). My eldest SIL has her children at breakfast club and after school club as well as holiday club and hasn't worked a day in her life but it's "easier if their dad can take them" (dad and her are separated FFS).

But such as life, I know people judge me for putting my job before spending every last second of my baby's first year with him glued to my hip, but hey, I live in a bigger, nicer house with a better car and savings to fall back on if things get tough than the sahm mums that used to sneer and comment that my "poor wee bairn never sees his mammy". At least DP and I can afford to put out collective children through college and university.

If you can, just walk on by, head held high. You are doing what you think is right, as are they probably.

MarthasHarbour · 21/08/2012 13:59

errrr yes nellyjob of course i was being ironic, hence the Wink at the end

DoMeDon i dont see anything wrong in wanting to share the parenting, as i said in my post, DH wants to take an active role in parenting DS, and also i could really fancy a lie in two days a week Grin is that so wrong, am i the only one secretly envious of this??

Now i am the one who is confused

Safire · 21/08/2012 14:09

IMHO OP you may have valid points, and yes we have all had uncomplimentary thoughts about other parents and how they do things we'd never do. But I'd say the reasonable thing to do would be to either keep such nasty judgy thoughts to ourselves or tut about it to those close enough to agree. Not come on the internet and spew to a bunch of strangers who have no way of putting your comments in context. I don't know you and my only reaction to your words is "what a horrible person!" I wonder whether that's how a few other responders are feeling, rather than considering your arguments on their merits. Nobody is going to pat you on the back and tell you you're wonderful for being so unpleasant about other people. It just puts backs up. There but for the grace etc etc. So I think YABU.

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 21/08/2012 14:12

New to schoolyard stuff? Well, you could have fooled me OP. This is exactly the kind of childish shit you hear in a schoolyard. Usually from the kids though. Grow up.

Goldenbear · 21/08/2012 14:23

Justme, you're doing exactly the same in that you're generalising and sneering at the role if a SAHP?

Goldenbear · 21/08/2012 14:23

Of not' 'if'

Andthatonesgonetoo · 21/08/2012 14:23

Oh crap, when I was on maternity leave with DD2, DD1 remained in nursery 4 days a week AND DH dropped her off and picked her up, 8am - 6pm. Oh well, DD2 woke up every two hours through the night but at least I got my lie-in.

The one aspect of the OP's post I would find concerning is the lack of clear cut responsibility for the child and the proximity of a busy road. If you'd posted that on its own OP I think your thread would have got a different response. I can also understand not wanting to get involved with this. We've just started taking a friend's DC to school every day as she has to be at work long before school starts (no breakfast club) but she is someone we have an existing relationship with, we offered and will feel fine about discussing any problems with her.

On the one day a fortnight it's my turn to drop DD at school, I often fall under your definitely of 'late'. However, under my definition, it's an efficient use of time.

drjohnsonscat · 21/08/2012 14:27

errr domedon, it's because she posted on AIBU. If she hadn't asked our opinion, we wouldn't have said anything. She asked AIBU - and the answer came back "yes". Purpose of AIBU in a nutshell.

OP is just annoyed that we didn't all say "gosh how awful, what slovenly old bags".

Justme23 · 21/08/2012 14:30

That was my point. Golden bear.

I am not a sahm mother so I understand not their need to put their child in child care, the exact same way they cannot understand why I work when I could get a home provided by the state like those particular individuals ( not a generalisation) have.

But as my ending statement suggests, they are just doing what they see is right, as am I, and op, and you.

MaryPoppinsBag · 21/08/2012 14:48

People put their children in nursery for the socialisation aspect of it and because the government fund 15 hours a week from 3 and are introducing funding from 2.

Early Years education is beneficial to children.

Goldenbear · 21/08/2012 15:02

And......

Olympicnmix · 21/08/2012 15:03

Once you get to know them as people and their dcs then ime you become more tolerant. The things that you've noted are not the sum of their parts.
However, I wouldn't want the responsibility of that child whose parent drops and runs, my own are enough!

MaryPoppinsBag · 21/08/2012 15:09

Who was the

'And ........'

Aimed at GoldenBear ?

I was just trying enlighten justme23 as to why some SAHM put children into nursery.

Leena49 · 21/08/2012 16:31

My dd goes to breakfast club just so that I can avoid bitchy people like you.

LookBehindYou · 21/08/2012 16:32

What a load of rubbish Leena49. Either that or you need to grow a backbone.

Leena49 · 21/08/2012 16:40

I think some people need to get out more!

soverylucky · 21/08/2012 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WilfSell · 21/08/2012 16:55

I'm still laughing at 'Sounds like you be perfect for the PTA' about a third of the way into the thread... Grin

WerthersUnOriginal · 21/08/2012 17:05

Lol at that too Wilf Grin.

Also at Mrs Hoiky pants the op is after only a mere few days in a school playground. Brilliant! Grin You will have imploded by half term if you don't pace yourself.