To be annoyed by these parents at dd's school

[EnterWittyNicknameHere]

Setting myself up for another school run here. DD started primary school five days ago, and since then i've witnessed the following:

One mum has been late every day with her primary one child. She gets into the yard just as the last child in the line is going through the door. Her excuse? She was busy doing her makeup and tan, but LO's been ready since 8.00am.

Another mum works at a shop literally a one minute walk from the school. Her child is also in dd's class. She gets to the yard at approx 8.50am, deposits her child there and leaves him standing there hysterical, calling over at him, "I'm sorry X, but mummy has to go to work!"
Twice, i've seen her approach random mums in the yard saying, "Excuse me. Do you mind watching him for a few minutes 'til the bell goes? I can't be late for work."
One of the mums recommended a breakfast club her own child used to attend, but the mum laughed and said she's not paying for 2 hours care when she only needs someone to mind him for a few minutes.

And finally, another mum told me she uses the breakfast club twice a week to give her a 'break.' She is a SAHM, has no other children, but early mornings don't agree with her apparantly. So she gets her husband to drop LO off at breakfast club (also a newstart primary one) on a Thursday and Friday at 7am so she can stay in bed. She's thinking of putting him in after school club too because she lives a twenty minute walk away and can't be arsed traipsing out in the rain to get him. so then her husband can just pick him up after work instead (her words).

I'm shocked! Really shocked. I'm new to the playground stuff, but is this normal?

I feel like the abnormal one by turning up with dd on time each morning.

Op- if it's true that you work part time then it must be VERY part time if you're at the school gate at 9 am each day, given that many jobs start way earlier than 9, and need travel time too.
You obviously have a fairly easy life and one child to drop at school.
And as I said earlier, the trouble with 'easy life' is that it's a very fine line between 'bored, frustrated and looking to pick holes in every one else's lives'.

I still take exception to 'random'. Random is asking someone in Tesco to look after my child for five minutes. Asking a fellow parent to keep an eye on a child, in the playground because you have to leave for work is completely different. And if she's in P1 too, how could she know anyone? She's a newbie too.

Anyway. Your judgey pants are well hoiked and nothing we can say is going to get you to loosen them off. You're in for a fun 7 years of it OP...

Janey68 how on earth can you surmise all that?

Maybe the other mums are judging you for having such an out of control child which prevents you from watching another Dc for a few minutes.

Strange that you find the time to clock what time everyone else arrives.

Not sure why people are justifying to me their own reasons for using childcare?

This woman has none. She uses childcare because mornings don't agree with her. She likes to lie in. She loves her sleep. All from the horse's mouth while laughing about it. She mentioned nothing of pain, illnesses etc. So i'm only judging on what she has said.

On a good night, i get approx 3 hours of interupted sleep and then usually have to go to work the next day. I told the woman this, who was quick to share that she wouldn't be able to cope without her ten hours of sleep per night. So no, i highly doubt she suffers from secret night issues.

For the record, these woman seem ok and are nice to chat to while waiting on the bell going off. I just smile and nod when they say or do something i don't agree with, so i don't think i'll be labelled 'bitch mum'.

Gosh, is your dd out or control! Mine are as good as gold. Poor you. I hope people are understanding of her issues.

Em, thanks for your concern...

No, people aren't understanding of her 'issues' at all. Her headmistress was quick to tell me at enrolment that dd will be the only pupil within her school with such special needs, and tried to persuade me to send her elsewhere.

Believe me, i put up with my fair share of judging and stares. Doesn't mean i can't do the same to others when i see something i don't agree with.

Maybe other parents are thinking 'look at that woman with the cat's bum face looking down at everyone else while she only just manages to control her DD'.

If the teacher's have a problem with the child being 'late' then it's up to them to take it up with the parent.

As other's have said the breakfast club could be being used as the child wants to go and you don't know what other problems the mother might have. But, hey, it's only week 1. I'm sure you'll find out soon enough...

And random? They are parents at her child's school ffs....she might not be able to afford child care.

How does your dc need all your attention but you still manage to get so much detail.
So what if they use breakfast club? what business isbit of yours.
Did you send you child to nursery, ever?

I always find it odd when people say "You should mind your own business" and "you shouldn't take any notice of how other people raise their children". Why? What happened to "It takes a village to raise a child"? What if you see a parent giving their child a good hard whack? Is it your business then? I would frankly be worried by the situation the OP describes, which refers to "leaving a 4yo alone next to an open gate which leads onto a main road. He's attempted to run after her several times, and random parents have had to stop him and bring him back in." Suppose the child gets run over - does it become other people's business then? Or is any parent allowed to put their own child at risk because it's like, you know, their child.

Janey - what does VERY part-time mean?

I work from 10-5, 3 days out of 7. If i started at 9am, and couldn't afford childcare, i'd still not leave my 4yo alone next to a main road, even for ten minutes. I'd establish some sort of offical arrangement, not just leave her with any old person who happens to be standing by.

The thing is OP, it's none of your business.

Ok, so she likes a lie in.
She clearly has a DH whos work schedule gives him time to get up with DCs, get them ready and take them to breakfast club.
She isn't making a 4 year old get up on their own, make their own breakfast and head off to school alone.
So what's the issue?

Does it have to be a competition?

You are judging one for not having a good enough reason for using breakfast club and another for not using breakfast club.

Just smile smugly to yourself and console yourself with the thought that not everyone can be as perfect as you, or has a job that allows you to be there for school pick up and drop offs.

There is a reason people are wary of school gates, you are exactly the reason why.

the woman who gets glammed up might go straight from the drop to job hunting - appearances DO matter!

the 10 mins before woman, if I was always there I'ld offer, shop work doesn't pay enough for childcare in my experience

the lie in woman - I did that when I had thyroid issues, not really something I'ld want to moan about to a judgemental bitch though, I also got DH to drop off to things when I was newly pregnant so I could go back to bed, again not something I'ld want to inform the school gate judgeypants gossip about either! she could have fibromyalgia, she could work/study from home in the evenings until late

I agree that it takes a village to raise a child but that is certainly NOT what the OP is doing, is she was she'ld show a bit more camoradary

Like i said, i do get judged constantly because of my child's behaviour. After spending many years raising her though, i've somehow managed to be able to look after her as well as observe my surroundings. It's possible.

Wilson - What's so different about a random person standing in Tesco and a random person standing in a school yard? You don't know either of them. You can't pinpoint whose parent they are, or even if they are a parent. They're standing in the yard while the children are running amock, or getting in their lines. So yes, they are random. Just because they're in a school yard, doesn't make them responsible.

I think OP that you are annoyed because you DD has some sort of additional needs which makes your life rather hard.
Surly from people staring at you you understand what it is like to be judged? It does not give you the right to judge others.

plus DS loved his mornings with his dad - and his dad loved his mornings getting him ready and dropping him off, I had all afternoon with DS after pick up but DH often wasn't home till after he was asleep

Theglassishalful - my dd's SEN has nowt to do with my post. i only brought it up because people were questioning why she's 'out of control', and why i didn't want to look after the other child. I know what it's like to be judged. But just because i'm judged on a daily basis, it doesn't mean i can just ignore things happening around me that i don't agree with.

Like most discussions of topics like this, it's going no where.

OP you're right. We're all wrong. Have a nice judgey time of it. Personally, I have better things to do with my time.

Bored now...

Well there isn't much you can do about it. But you have my sympathy. I found a lot of the Mums at school really irritating and silly. So it was a great day for me when I didn't have to do it.

Sorry but I think it does... I think it has a lot to do with it.
OP would you like it if a parent of the school wrote on here about the your child being difficult without knowing the facts?

sounds like your vision of the world is a bit miserable OP since there doesn't seem to be much you DO agree with: using breakfast club is wrong - NOT using breakfast club is wrong...

the woman who gets herself presentable for whatever she needs to do after drop off is wrong - I'm guessing that a scruffy unkept mum would also be wrong?

really if these are the worst things you see outside your school its pretty rosey, Some of our catchment schools have pit bulls shitting at the gate and parents turning up with tinnies! - THAT I judge, but you just sound determined to pick holes in everyone you see because you feel judged so want to do some in return - which TBH isn't the best way to integrate your child now is it?

As in the fact she has additional needs?

She uses childcare because mornings don't agree with her. She likes to lie in. She loves her sleep. All from the horse's mouth while laughing about it. She mentioned nothing of pain, illnesses etc. So i'm only judging on what she has said

I don't get it? So what? What does it matter if she uses childcare so she has a lie-in, unless she is taking up a much needed space that could be used by another working parent?

I really don't understand why this is even an issue? Are you saying that she is a bad mother for using breakfast club? What are you saying?

As for your other points - Well you drip fed hugely about the child running after her and through the gate. If you had said that in the OP, maybe you would have had a point, but now it just sounds as if you are exagerating to prove your point so I find it hard to believe you. Plus you've dropped the point about curlers/tan woman, so maybe she was made up too