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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by these parents at dd's school

298 replies

EnterWittyNicknameHere · 21/08/2012 08:29

Setting myself up for another school run here. DD started primary school five days ago, and since then i've witnessed the following:

One mum has been late every day with her primary one child. She gets into the yard just as the last child in the line is going through the door. Her excuse? She was busy doing her makeup and tan, but LO's been ready since 8.00am.

Another mum works at a shop literally a one minute walk from the school. Her child is also in dd's class. She gets to the yard at approx 8.50am, deposits her child there and leaves him standing there hysterical, calling over at him, "I'm sorry X, but mummy has to go to work!"
Twice, i've seen her approach random mums in the yard saying, "Excuse me. Do you mind watching him for a few minutes 'til the bell goes? I can't be late for work."
One of the mums recommended a breakfast club her own child used to attend, but the mum laughed and said she's not paying for 2 hours care when she only needs someone to mind him for a few minutes.

And finally, another mum told me she uses the breakfast club twice a week to give her a 'break.' She is a SAHM, has no other children, but early mornings don't agree with her apparantly. So she gets her husband to drop LO off at breakfast club (also a newstart primary one) on a Thursday and Friday at 7am so she can stay in bed. She's thinking of putting him in after school club too because she lives a twenty minute walk away and can't be arsed traipsing out in the rain to get him. so then her husband can just pick him up after work instead (her words).

I'm shocked! Really shocked. I'm new to the playground stuff, but is this normal?

I feel like the abnormal one by turning up with dd on time each morning.

OP posts:
PooPooOnMars · 21/08/2012 10:21

And as for the mum making her LO late for her first week of school just so she can glam herself up - totally selfish . . . disagreeing that a parent's physical appearance is more important than their child's education.

How do you know she wasn't going to work after? That's pretty important if it puts food on the table. As important as getting to school on time. And i don't think a child in the first year of school is going to suffer terrible effects to their education because the mum arrives JUST ON TIME. She wasn't even late!

Overly dramatic or what! "Poor child is going to fail school because they arrive on time every day! Shock And their mums wearing make up!"

drjohnsonscat · 21/08/2012 10:22

love the outrage that the OP is actually from Scotland donchaknow. Everything in the OP's post was so ridiculous she had to make up something to be hoick-bosomy about.

FWIW I'm the judgiest person on earth. But none of your examples are even worth a raised eyebrow. Every single one of those women is just getting on with their own life, getting their kids to school, being ordinary parents.

MamaMumra · 21/08/2012 10:25

Sometimes judging other people makes one feel better about their own shortcomings.... Judge away OP if you must.

MrsKeithRichards · 21/08/2012 10:25

Oh and op the breakfast club at my school allow all kids, even p1's, into the playground to line up on their own 5 minutes before the bell goes.

savoycabbage · 21/08/2012 10:26

At our school we tend to help each other out. Yesterday I took a child from dds class in as it was raining and her mum has a baby so it saved her getting wet. Tonight somebody walked my dds over to ballet because I was at work. We know that if one of us gets unavoidably delayed on the way to school, then the rest of us will pull together and cover the gaps.

And it will happen to you.

There was once an accident near our school and I had to collect twelve children and hold on to them until it was cleared. Even perfect mothers can't help being caught up in accidents.

lljkk · 21/08/2012 10:28

PooPoo I meant that tongue in cheek. I think the only actual Hmm is that any woman would need to tell casual acquaintances about her daily beauty regime timings! Who cares!?

PooPooOnMars · 21/08/2012 10:29

Ooh! Grin

PooPooOnMars · 21/08/2012 10:30

Ok that sounded weird.

I meant

OH! like i see

ok I'll stop now.

TantrumsAndOlympicGoldBalloons · 21/08/2012 10:31

You see, OP, whilst you are judging people for being "late" even though they aren't and leaving their DCs in the playground for a few minutes to go to work, putting on make up and using breakfast club, you are overlooking all the good things. In fact you're not even overlooking, you haven't bothered to find out.

Have you spoken to the mother who has to go to work?
She may be "one minute walk away" but she probably has to get there before the shop opens to get set up. She could be a lovely woman, or she could be a complete bitch but you'll never know cos you are too busy judging her. The same with every other person you are judging based on 5 days of observation.

I can't wait for your dc to go to one of these parents houses for a play date after school, I bet you'll start a thread judging their choice of food, wallpaper, sofa, tv, job etc
All without ever getting to know them.

All this makes me so glad I don't often do the school run.
Feel free to judge me, my ds2 has been in breakfast club since reception and my 14&13 year old DCs pick him up from after school club!!

Put me at the top of your list of neglectful/terrible/uncaring parents.

MamaMumra · 21/08/2012 10:31

Grin poopoo

Being sanctimonious and judgemental are much worse than what you describe in your post OP. You would have even more reasons to be smug if you could add serene and accepting to your list of virtues Grin

MrsKeithRichards · 21/08/2012 10:32

I agree Savoy. I've not made any life long friends at the school gates but a lot of connections with nice people.

When snow meant the school shut early I picked up the boy up the road so his pregnant mum with a 1 year old didn't have to go down. When I had my baby she took ds down for me when dh went back to work. When I wanted to rush home to log on and buy tickets for a gig another mum was happy to watch ds in line. Just as I've stopped at the bus stop to take her ds to save her 2 trips on the bus with a toddler. Just as she was happy to take ds down one day so I could get to a doctors appointment.

Swings and roundabouts.

SusanneLinder · 21/08/2012 10:32

disagreeing that a 4yo should be plonked into breakfast clubs because the parent can't be arsed getting out of bed.

This made me laugh! How the hell can the kids GET to a breakfast club, unless the parents get out of bed. Did they send them by telekinesis? :o

Mine went to a breakfast club two days a week. Chance for her to eat,chill with her friends and for me to get to work on time. She also preferred to breakfast choices to the cereal and toast she got here. :)

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 21/08/2012 10:39

I can't wait for the childrens party dilemmas this OP is going to come out with over the course of the year!

Tryharder · 21/08/2012 10:41

Damn those working mothers who cadge free childcare of other, better mothers Hmm

Asking another mum whose child is in your child's class to keep an eye on your child for a few minutes, is not cadging free childcare. It's just a favour.

I would quite happily watch over someone else's school age child for a few minutes. How petty and meanspirited it would be to refuse such a small thing!

As for the late mum; one of the nicest and most lovely mums I know is also perpetually late to the schoolgate. She has 4 kids, no particular reason for being late, just a bit scatty. But her kids are fab, she's lovely. What a stupid reason to judge someone, OP.

Agree with others, spend less time in judgement of others.

DoMeDon · 21/08/2012 10:47

I think you're getting a bit of a bashing OP. I can imagine that some of this might surprise you if you've never heard any playground stories before. I've heard lots of hilarious and a few quite sad stories from my friends with school age children.

It wouldn't occur to me to put my own child in a breakfast club so I could sty in bed if I was SAHM, I'd just go back to bed later Confused

It wouldn't sit right with me to dash off to work leaving my own child for a few minutes with anyone available, I'd have made a definite arrangement (be it friend, CM or breakfast club).

I would probably be late a lot as I'm one of those people who's always late, despite my best intentions, but it wouldn't be due to fake tannage.

We're all different OP and I get your surprise at all this but it shows a lack of tolerance that it warrants a thread.

missymoomoomee · 21/08/2012 10:49

Whats the view like from up there on your high horse?

I used to take my child to nursery leave her and walk out even though she was crying as my being there and comforting her made it worse. I had all the judgemental looks from people like you, but its what I had to do. She was fine after a couple of weeks. She may not be able to afford the childcare, you don't know her personal circumstances.

I live about 2 minutes from the school and am always just about on time and occassionally late, and sometimes on these occassions I have (gasp) been wearing a bit of lippy.

Although I don't use breakfast clubs, even a SAHM needs a break every now and then, how do you know she isn't studying from home, or ill, or her child may have behavioural issues or any other number of reasons that are none of your nosey business.

Maybe the parents who are showing up late/just on time/put their children to breakfast club are doing it to avoid being judged by people like you. If I were you I would concentrate on my own child and, unless you are going to be nice and help out, stop sticking your beak into other peoples lives.

Tee2072 · 21/08/2012 10:50

Oh boy. This is what awaits me in a few weeks.

I'll be dropping my son off every morning but 2 days a week a child minder will pick him up.

I'm obviously a neglectful parent...

DowagersHump · 21/08/2012 10:53

I'm amazed you've noticed all this about the other parents in only 4 days of doing the school run.

Are you standing at the gate taking a parents' register?

WilsonFrickett · 21/08/2012 10:53

Tee we can't judge until we hear about your tannage situation Wink

Tee2072 · 21/08/2012 10:55

Well, I am pale as a ghost and don't wear make up. I also keep my hair very short.

Lay it on me!!

lljkk · 21/08/2012 10:58

I would have thought more people get judged for having false tan than for being pasty white. So which one are you, Tee, the one who shunts them off to breakfast club at any opportunity or the one who picks random strangers in playground to childmind for free?

roundtable · 21/08/2012 10:58

I'm finding the whole sending your children to breakfast club for a lay in hilarious, sorry. How did they get there, magic carpet while the parents snoozed, cuddled up with their goat?

No one thinks you've made anything up, just that you're overreacting. You don't know what these people background stories are. Perhaps they're doing the best they can at a hard time or maybe they are unpleasant. You've not known them long enough to find out yet.

Dancergirl · 21/08/2012 11:00

Oh for Gods sake re 'random people'.

If you're at a school that insists on this ridiculous lining up till the whistle blows system, does it really take one adult per child to wait 5 minutes?? Get yourselves organised, take it in turns to mind a couple of children and the other parents can go/get to work or whatever instead if standing there like lemons till the bell goes.

You are part of a school COMMUNITY, not just a random collection of people.

Tee2072 · 21/08/2012 11:00

Don't know yet, lljkk. Haven't actually started.

But probably the free child minding one. Or, more like, the one doing the minding as I freelance and have no specific time to be anywhere 99.9999% of the time!

DuelingFanjo · 21/08/2012 11:01

yes it's normal. you are the abnormal one to actually give a shit about what other people do with their own lives.

Do you maybe have too much time on your hands?