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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by these parents at dd's school

298 replies

EnterWittyNicknameHere · 21/08/2012 08:29

Setting myself up for another school run here. DD started primary school five days ago, and since then i've witnessed the following:

One mum has been late every day with her primary one child. She gets into the yard just as the last child in the line is going through the door. Her excuse? She was busy doing her makeup and tan, but LO's been ready since 8.00am.

Another mum works at a shop literally a one minute walk from the school. Her child is also in dd's class. She gets to the yard at approx 8.50am, deposits her child there and leaves him standing there hysterical, calling over at him, "I'm sorry X, but mummy has to go to work!"
Twice, i've seen her approach random mums in the yard saying, "Excuse me. Do you mind watching him for a few minutes 'til the bell goes? I can't be late for work."
One of the mums recommended a breakfast club her own child used to attend, but the mum laughed and said she's not paying for 2 hours care when she only needs someone to mind him for a few minutes.

And finally, another mum told me she uses the breakfast club twice a week to give her a 'break.' She is a SAHM, has no other children, but early mornings don't agree with her apparantly. So she gets her husband to drop LO off at breakfast club (also a newstart primary one) on a Thursday and Friday at 7am so she can stay in bed. She's thinking of putting him in after school club too because she lives a twenty minute walk away and can't be arsed traipsing out in the rain to get him. so then her husband can just pick him up after work instead (her words).

I'm shocked! Really shocked. I'm new to the playground stuff, but is this normal?

I feel like the abnormal one by turning up with dd on time each morning.

OP posts:
NurseBernard · 21/08/2012 11:02

You're a peach, aren't you, OP?

You seem genuinely surprised that you didn't get everyone piling on to agree with you, and instead got an overwhelming 'stop judging and mind your own business' response instead. You even deign to get all defensive, and even more firmly entrenched in your views.

Look, I'd probably do a spot of internal judging assuming each of your scenarios are exactly face-value as describe.

But would I come onto MN and start a thread about it? And then be all bewildered and shocked when I got slated for it? Hardly - cringe...

Plus, I'd be at least willing to acknowldege that there's probably a lot more to each of the scenarios you describe than meets the eye.

I'd suggest toying with the notion of getting a life. :)

janey68 · 21/08/2012 11:08

Op you are the epitome of the bored, , frustrated school gate mum.
I congratulate you on an excellent start to the role.
Now- to get even better at it, remember that throughout your child's schooling, you must never get a job, or even a hobby which might distract you from your main role. Remember: the high point of your day is being there at the school gate morning and evening. As your child moves up the school, remember to develop your bitch skills by including the school staff too... I'm sure there will be plenty you can find to moan and complain about. While not at the school gate, you could always start AIBU threads moaning about the school/ teachers/ other parents.
Do all of the above, regularly and consistently until your child is age 11. You will then be crowned queen bitch. (of course you'll also be friendless, and have no purpose in life once your child moves to secondary school but hey, that's the price you pay..)

RabbitsMakeBrownEggs · 21/08/2012 11:10

Being late in the first week sounds like teething trouble, the mum will get used to it and probably buck up in the next few weeks. Child is not missing school, so the issue is negligible. YABU.

Mum having a couple of mornings off, using breakfast club, has been caring for child for past four years, give the woman a break, we are all entitled to a bit of time off. YABU.

Mum dropping child off so she can get to work, asking another mum to watch child for a few minutes. Child is not alone but in a playground full of other children and adults. She should probably use the breakfast club, but as I am unaware of the costs and her situation, it may well be a case of not being able to afford it. YABU.

My children go to before school club every day, and are collected from the house too, and I don't view that as lazy, I view that as reclaiming my mornings after seven years of sacrifice. Haha. I used to be consistently late in the mornings, hence the before school club. Thank goodness for it's existence.

Chill out a bit and you may make some playground buddies.

Toughasoldboots · 21/08/2012 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumsyblouse · 21/08/2012 11:12

I'm sure everyone has already told you: late is not going in last, that's being on time (someone has to be the last in).

Parents using breakfast club?

Parents going off to work asking another parent if they could watch them for 5 min?

Parents getting too up their own arses about being the perfect parent and looking down on others?

Never heard anything like it.

Tittywhistles · 21/08/2012 11:13

It's August.

What schools are open in August??

Tee2072 · 21/08/2012 11:13

Scotland, Titty.

Toughasoldboots · 21/08/2012 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsKeithRichards · 21/08/2012 11:15

Titty fail!!

lovebunny · 21/08/2012 11:19

o p, its ok to be shocked at the way other people live their lives - even if mners don't agree with you.

not knowing the backstories of all these situations might make them seem worse than they are - the stay-in-bed mum might be depressed, the make-up artist might have absolutely no self-confidence...

the one that concerns me is the working mum. i think her situation is probably desperate. if she can't be late for work, she really needs that job. if she isn't paying for a breakfast club that's already in place for parents in her situation, she probably can't afford it. if you're the person who has time available, why not look after her child for that few minutes? if you're a nice person, knowing you're there for her child might give that mum a tiny break from the worries of her life.

life hurts, for a lot of people.

LtEveDallas · 21/08/2012 11:22

Horribly judgy OP. Not very nice at all. I'm also confused that you said first mum told you she was late because she was "curling her hair" but in your OP you said "make-up and tan". Which was it?

But really, how is any of this your business? Why has it even registered on your radar - shouldn't you just be concentrating on your own child?

You cannot judge these parents, you don't know them and you don't know their circumstances.

FWIW DH is a SAHD. There is no need whatsoever for DD to go into a breakfast club, in fact it actually makes things slightly more awkward for DH, but last year we were using it 2 or 3 times a week - because DD wanted us to. She wanted to have breakfast with her friend who went because her mum had to work early. Would you have judged?

HotTinRoof · 21/08/2012 11:22

If TerribleMum2 did use the breakfast club, would you not slate her for outsourcing childcare unnecessarily? I can't see any reason to judge her - she obviously works hard and is not late, she apologises to her child for leaving him for just a couple of minutes, she tries to find somebody to look after him and she isn't phased by judgy parents like you. Good on her!

You'd have a field day with me, OP. DD's nanny takes her to school 3 days a week and the other two days I drop her off at breakfast club - after having done my make-up (!).

They all sound like perfectly reasonable parents.

Tittywhistles · 21/08/2012 11:25

I wouldn't have called it a 'fail'

More of a question Confused

comedycentral · 21/08/2012 11:27

Wow...you are judgemental and smug. You are the worst mother there!

threesocksmorgan · 21/08/2012 11:28

yabu and you will learn

RabbitsMakeBrownEggs · 21/08/2012 11:31

You could offer to the working mum to watch her child for her regularly, thus helping her out, I reckon she'd be eternally grateful.

PooPooOnMars · 21/08/2012 11:37

Way off topic, but i was at a quiet craft activity thing with my dc the other day and a mum and her 8yo son came and joined in. She immediately started on her son, criticising everything he said, everything he said was silly, wrong, everything he did was wrong,

"pay attention, NO NOT LIKE THAT, do it properly, what are you saying that silly thing for, NOT SO HARD WITH THE PENCIL! pay attention, well no you're not otherwise you wouldn't have messed that up, stop being silly, start again it's all wrong, sit down, THAT'S NOT THE WAY TO DRAW! don't touch that you're supposed to copy it not touch it, look at what you are doing! No one's interested in what you are doing/saying . . ."

It went on and on and on for 2 hours at full volume! At one point the poor boy put his head down on the table and cried!

He was fine, what he was doing was fine. It was supposed to be fun!

Now, I. did. judge! Angry

Original poster
EnterWittyNicknameHere · 21/08/2012 11:43

No. I don't want to commit myself to looking after her child so she can go off to work. Like i said, i have enough to deal with keeping my dd under control without being landed with someone else's hysterical child.

Whether she can afford childcare or not, imo it's wrong to leave a 4yo alone next to an open gate which leads onto a main road. He's attempted to run after her several times, and random parents have had to stop him and bring him back in. And yes, i know they're 'random' because they ask around if we know who his parents are and where they are. And on the occassions she's asked people to mind him, they've also been strangers. I know this because she approaches them with an "Excuse me, but do you mind..." as if she's never met them before.

I'm not a SAHM, i work part time.

As far as i'm aware, school starts at 9am - not 5 past. The teachers come out at 9 after the bell, do the register and then take the children inside. So turning up at five past when the line is going in IS late. However, on the one occassion it's rained, children are allowed to go straight into the building.

I don't see what's hilarious about the woman using breakfast club so she can have a lie in? As i said in my OP, her husband takes the child before he goes to work, enabling the mum to have a lie in. She was quite candid with her reasons for doing so actually, that's what i found shocking. We were all just chatting at hometime the other day and she came out with it, and started laughing it's because mornings don't agree with her/she's not a morning person. And also said she's thinking of after school club because she can't be arsed walking in the rain.

This post is basically a repeat of my OP. Apologies, but for some reason people have replied without having read it properly, and asking questions i've already answered.

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 21/08/2012 11:46

Man, I wish I had someone to take my son to school so I can have a lie in. I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Of course, I have several chronic pain conditions that mean I have nights like last night where I was awake at 0345 for the day due to pain.

But you'd probably still judge me...

TantrumsAndOlympicGoldBalloons · 21/08/2012 11:46

Would you prefer she lied about why she used breakfast club?

mummypig189 · 21/08/2012 11:49

I can understand being a bit Shock at the last two, but i for one when i take my son to school in september wont be tuning up 20mins early to stand around in the playground making small talk.
Dont see the problem with bringing them a couple of mins before the bell at least they are on time!

bitofcheese · 21/08/2012 11:49

you sound like a real piece of work, a real nosey old bag with your head up your arse

PooPooOnMars · 21/08/2012 11:49

her husband takes the child before he goes to work, enabling the mum to have a lie in. She was quite candid with her reasons for doing so actually, that's what i found shocking.

That alone though could be due to her not coping/health problems/depression etc which she might not feel she wants to share with you.

I know this because she approaches them with an "Excuse me, but do you mind..." as if she's never met them before.

Personally I wouldn't do that but perhaps she is desperate.

LookBehindYou · 21/08/2012 11:50

Well, we are all judging the OP (me being a champion judgerer) so it's a bit off to call her on that.

OP, I will just say that sometimes people do cover up their problems. And the blase might not be quite as relaxed as they try to make out. Try not to assume.

savoycabbage · 21/08/2012 11:50

Gosh, is your dd out or control! Mine are as good as gold. Poor you. Sad I hope people are understanding of her issues.