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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by these parents at dd's school

298 replies

EnterWittyNicknameHere · 21/08/2012 08:29

Setting myself up for another school run here. DD started primary school five days ago, and since then i've witnessed the following:

One mum has been late every day with her primary one child. She gets into the yard just as the last child in the line is going through the door. Her excuse? She was busy doing her makeup and tan, but LO's been ready since 8.00am.

Another mum works at a shop literally a one minute walk from the school. Her child is also in dd's class. She gets to the yard at approx 8.50am, deposits her child there and leaves him standing there hysterical, calling over at him, "I'm sorry X, but mummy has to go to work!"
Twice, i've seen her approach random mums in the yard saying, "Excuse me. Do you mind watching him for a few minutes 'til the bell goes? I can't be late for work."
One of the mums recommended a breakfast club her own child used to attend, but the mum laughed and said she's not paying for 2 hours care when she only needs someone to mind him for a few minutes.

And finally, another mum told me she uses the breakfast club twice a week to give her a 'break.' She is a SAHM, has no other children, but early mornings don't agree with her apparantly. So she gets her husband to drop LO off at breakfast club (also a newstart primary one) on a Thursday and Friday at 7am so she can stay in bed. She's thinking of putting him in after school club too because she lives a twenty minute walk away and can't be arsed traipsing out in the rain to get him. so then her husband can just pick him up after work instead (her words).

I'm shocked! Really shocked. I'm new to the playground stuff, but is this normal?

I feel like the abnormal one by turning up with dd on time each morning.

OP posts:
sugarice · 21/08/2012 09:39

It's never right to bitch about other parents solely from the point of view that at some point in the future you or your dd may be the subject of it from other quarters, bear that in mind.

LemonBreeland · 21/08/2012 09:40

YABU to be quite so judgy. Although parent 1 I would probably judge. Parent 3, her child her choice.

As for parent 2, I'm sure there is a playground supervisor in the mornings. My DC don't even look in my direction once in the playground. DS2 has just started P1, and I am staying with him at the moment to get him used to it, but will be leaving him in the playground to line up by himself very soon, as I also have to get to work.

cantspel · 21/08/2012 09:41

So you just want to judge other parents and cant drag your eyes away from your pfb to include watching another child for a couple of minutes.

Hope you have your own support network and plenty of friends because you sure aint going to be making any more at the school gate. But then your life is probably so perfect that you never have to ask a favor of anyone.

Dancergirl · 21/08/2012 09:41

OP, it's not a question of what YOU would do if you were that working mum. She probably cant afford 2 hours of child care in the mornings. It's unfortunate that she can't stay with her child in the mornings but it can't be helped, she has no choice. She probably feels REALLY guilty, the last thing she needs is people judging her. I would really consider befriending her and seeing if you can help her out. If you go to know the little boy, he would probably be happy to stay with you. And you never know, he might end up being friends with your dd....

One day it could be YOU needing a favour.

Oh, and arriving at school just as they are going in doesn't constitute 'late'. Being late is arriving after the registers have closed. I hardly think this child's education I'd being compromised.

lambethlil · 21/08/2012 09:42

You're going to love the next few years. Hmm
Just make sure you look after your own chIldren as well as minding everyone else's business.

AGilchrist · 21/08/2012 09:43

Did the OP say if she was a sahm or not?

theodorakis · 21/08/2012 09:43

Mrsuppity, love the fun free lunchbox!
Show me a person who has calm and dignified school day mornings with all shoes on, teeth brushed, books packed and breakfast eaten in good time with no shouting or fights across the table, wandering offs to the computer for a game or, my favourite, the foot stomp on the floor to make me think you are up when you are not. if I meet that woman, I am sure I will not like her. In fact, I think she may be of the fun free variety.

Sidge · 21/08/2012 09:50

Crikey you need to chill out a bit.

You haven't even started with assemblies, Christmas concerts, parties and school trips yet. The parental behaviour associated with those events will make your hair curl! Grin

theodorakis · 21/08/2012 09:51

I see a great career ahead with the PTA

Theglassishalffull · 21/08/2012 09:56

OP don't judge because what goes around comes around.

Theglassishalffull · 21/08/2012 09:57

Wait till sports day then you will see some things!!!!

Theglassishalffull · 21/08/2012 09:59

Also one day OP you may need a favour from those parents

wigglesrock · 21/08/2012 10:00

God, its going to be a long first term for you and you haven't even hit Nativity plays, Christmas fetes and the worst of them all school sports day. I am going to put dd2 into the afterschools so she finishes at the same time as dd1 therefore enabling me to dodge the traffic and not two 2 pick ups an hour apart Shock

Late is having to be buzzed in by receptionist btw as other posters have said.

TroublesomeEx · 21/08/2012 10:03

OP, I think it's more about not judging so harshly in the first few days. Don't forget they are finding their feet with regards to getting to school on time, sorting out the morning routine etc.

You may be a super organised person, or have just thought about it a bit more, maybe they haven't yet.

I don't find the first week is the best time for anyone to judge. I always find that by september I can no longer remember exactly what we did last year, or the children's needs change and require whole new routines.

It seems like every September we start from scratch and I've got one going into year 9 and one going into year 2.

Of course we all judge in the playground, and I don't believe anyone who says they've never done it! But the issues you are raising are really quite minor in the grand scheme of things. And none of them affect you, you don't know what people's backgrounds are and I agree about offering the hand of friendship to the working mum and her child.

MoreBeta · 21/08/2012 10:04

To be fair, I would not be doing free childcare for others either. Been caught with that myself by working mothers looking to cadge off other parents. Its an occupational hazard of being SAHP/WAHP that working parents think you have nothing better to do.

Don't judge those parents who use breakfast/holiday clubs though - some people really depend on them for various reasons.

TroublesomeEx · 21/08/2012 10:05

Yes, and everyone is right about 'late'.

Children aren't late until the register is happening/has happened.

There is a mark for 'late - arrived during register' and 'late - arrived after register closed'. If the register isn't being taken and the door isn't locked, you're not late!

NellyJob · 21/08/2012 10:06

There was a whole bunch of mums like you at one primary my kids attended, the atmosphere in the playground and nearby playpark used to make me feel physically ill.

PooPooOnMars · 21/08/2012 10:08

Moomin. How old is he? At my dcs school they don't allow that. Although maybe that's only below a certain age (mine are still little)

PooPooOnMars · 21/08/2012 10:11

Makeup+tan mum would make me go hmm, but I'd feel that way even if she arrived 10 minutes early.

I never understand that. The mums who've done their make up (tan not so much) before the school run being judged for it. So what? I do mine before the school run because i am busy after it. Who knows where she was going or what she was doing after it that required her (or any other mum with make up on in the morning) to be ready for the day.

EmmaBemma · 21/08/2012 10:11

My daughter started primary school last week too, and to be honest I've been too befuddled by the whole experience to notice anything but huge throngs of excited children in the playground, the odd friendly face I remember from nursery, the bell ringing for lining-up time, and the unfamiliar sight of my daughter in her new school uniform, looking somehow both grown-up and heartbreakingly little at the same time. I can't imagine noticing the exact time other parents bring their children or any of the other things you mention. You must be exceptionally observant.

PooPooOnMars · 21/08/2012 10:12

Mosman Sad

MrsKeithRichards · 21/08/2012 10:12

Are you keeping notes?

Your lo hasn't been in school for a week yet and you're racking up the judgements.

Be careful of pulling that cat bum face too often, it causes the most god awful wrinkles.

Toughasoldboots · 21/08/2012 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PooPooOnMars · 21/08/2012 10:16

As for asking random people in the yard to mind her. No chance. To hear from you all that this is a common occurence is shocking.

Are you sure they were random and not people she knows? Possibly even returns the favour for? You've only been there a few days so wouldn't necessarily know who is friends with who outside of school.

chocoluvva · 21/08/2012 10:16

OP if it's any help I can see both sides of this (I think): you are new to having a child at school, you want to be supportive of the school by being punctual and take your child's educaton very seriously so it bothers you to think that other mums are not as conscientious as you as this will impact on the time your DC has at school and it's not something yod be happy to do.
On the other hand, as the other posters have (wisely) pointed out you will have a lot of years of school- gates and it's not in your or DC's interests to not get on with the other mums. You never know who your DC will befriend - or be sitting beside for that matter!
I agree with you that the incidents you mention don't look that great in the absence of any other information, but you really can't tell without knowing more about the situation of the individuals involved. Eg, the lady who was nearly late because she didn't want to go out without doing her hair probably has many good qualities that you haven't had the chance to see yet. Give these mums a chance!