to refuse to see my health visitor

[mummypig189]

The health visitor knocked on my door today unannounced asking if she could come in.
The point of this visit was obviously just to come and have a nose because non of the children were due any checks although she weighed my youngest.

I was already peed off that she just came in to check up on me for no reason but her questions were so patronising i couldve strangled the silly woman. Heres just a few of the delightful comments she made

"So your expecting again? Unplanned then?"
"Are you still with the father? Does he work? Does he help out? Is he looking after you and the children?"
"How are you/will you cope with number three then?"
"you know theres courses at the local childrens centre for young moms, cooking parenting etc do you want me to phone for you?"
"You do know to put suncream on them in this weather dont you?"

Do you think its unreasonable for me to ask to see another health visitor,when my LO is born in oct?

Im not sure i can deal with the old bat 2 weeks after giving birth!

[DozyDuck]

Hmm my HV turned up
Unannounced at times because she knew I was struggling when DS was in the midst of is regression she just came in between visits if she had 10 minutes to see how I was.

I thought this was fantastic of her because although I was coping it was nice to have someone to talk to and as well as that it would be perfectly reasonable for someone in my situation to have a complete breakdown (I didn't but I'm glad she was there checking because other children like DS could have been in danger.)

Never been bothered about being checked on because I'd rather they be over cautious than under cautious where children are involved! Think cases where they were under cautious and children have died

[ratspeaker]

Are you really sure she was a Health Visitor?
Have you seen her before?
Did she have any ID?

[RaisinDEtre]

never ever heard of a HV visiting on Sundays

Midwife, yes; HV no

How very odd

[TidyDancer]

Yeah, I've not come across a HV who visited on a Sunday, so I assume it was for a specific reason, and not just a random visit, IYSWIM.

OP, has something happened lately that would warrant a visit? Not necessarily something you have done, just anything that would mean a HV could drop by like that?

And as has been pointed out, you don't have to see a HV at all, but sometimes it's better to keep them onside, depending on the circumstances/home situation. Personally I saw one a couple of times and that was it, but it wasn't a "I don't want you in my home" type thing, it was just not really needed.

[giraffesCantGoBackToSchool]

before 10am on a Sunday?

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

I have never heard of hv who visit on a sunday.

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

Those questions all seem pretty provocative too.

[squeakytoy]

sounds more like a social worker investigating .. would they have reasons to be concerned OP?

[PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot]

They are supposed to check for issues but some are more subtle than others.

Mine said boyfriend nice dear? Dosent hit you? Excellent!

And has been shouting at me give him mince n onions yes yes ever since.

[mummypig189]

I moved to a new area around a year ago so registered with a new docs, got a letter saying can i come in with my boys to see the hv, forgot about it because id been busy, didnt really see the point tbh my ds's are almost two and four so no routine checks to be done.

This was obviously the reason she turned up, but just because someone doesnt show for one appointment (not really that ) as i wasnt given a time or date, just asked to come along when hv was in surgery, doesnt mean she shouldve just turned up like that.

Even an idiot can see my ds's are well looked after, happy and healthy so need to the ridiculous questions.

[pumpkinsweetie]

You do not have to see her at all, wish i knew this with my pfb!!
I have seen them only a handful of times with dd2, dd3 & dd4, with dd1 i found the particular HV pretty rude !
She asked why my dd see her dad, i explained he wasn't interested and the hv basically went on about how children need their fathers and i should pressure him to see her! She also continually asked me when i was going back to work, moaned about my dog, the colour of my christmas tree etc and slated the fact i was living with my mother
The woman has since became a social worker!

[mummypig189]

lol didnt mean to say today!!

[MainlyMaynie]

You're about to give birth to your third child - in some areas health visitors call before the birth so you know who they are afterwards. I thought it was quite nice of them. Seems beyond the call of duty to call before 10 on a Sunday morning though...

[PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot]

Would it be routine to show up if you hadn't been? I know its annoying but I can see why they have to be careful.

[Sirzy]

It sounds to me she was making sure you were well supported and coping - how is that a bad thing?

[figwit]

Are you sure it was the HV- before 10am on a Sunday?

[frustratedpants]

You don't have I see them at all.

[PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot]

It wasn't Sunday.

[ValiumQueen]

It does seem strange. If there are concerns then they should be up front and honest. I would try to take it as someone who was well intentioned. I am expecting DC3 and I think I would be quite touched if the HV got in touch as being pg with two little ones as well is challenging.

Her comments were pretty cheeky though, and I would have taken offence at that, and challenged her possibly. I'm guessing from your OP that you are a younger mum. It might be worth talking it through with your MW or GP to see if it is policy to set your mind at rest.

[OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere]

My hv asked a lot of those questions on my booking visit with dc4.
She asked them in the same way , as statements rather than actual questions.
She was rude, made assumptions and entered my house laden with her own values.

No way was I going to suck that up.
I have told the story several times on here and never been told to suck it up or that she must have had concerns etc.

Is that because I have been on MN for a while or that I am an older mum?

She was rude and inappropriate.
It's not ok.

I visit families and I do not think it gives me carte blanche to act this way.

[ValiumQueen]

Post was started Sunday, and OP says it happened today. Fair to assume it was a Sunday Visit surely?

[OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere]

Hvs often do unannounced visits. Its not always connected to CP concerns. They are busy and do it on the off chance.

[Rubirosa]

I recently moved areas and the new HV came round to meet me and my almost 2 year old - but she had called first. Asked the usual depression and DV questions but that's her job. Maybe yours just had a spare 30 mins and thought she'd pop round on the offchance?

[mummypig189]

just to reiterate it wasnt today it was actually a couple of weeks ago, my fingers tend to type before i think

[OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere]

Ffs. Sws don't drop round on a Sunday either.
What is wrong with MN?

It is entirely possible the op had a routine but opportunistic visit from a hv with dubious social skills and a thing about younger mothers.